Lizzie: In my last video, some of you thought I went a little dramatic on William Darcy.
I know it may have seemed a bit harsh. In this video, I am going to tell you a story. A story of a wedding.
A painful wedding. Where a man and a woman were forced to dance together
because of some stupid binding tradition that should be banned for all time.
So if you haven't guessed it yet, yeah, I caught the bouquet.
And guess what stuck up, pompous prick caught the garter? Yeah.
My name is Lizzie Bennet and this is the story of the most awkward dance EVER.
"The Most Awkward Dance Ever" Written by Bernie Su
So you're all probably wondering, how did this ridiculous set of circumstances happen?
Oh trust me, I am too.
I was standing against the wall, minding my own business.
Well, really I was watching Bing and Jane dance song after song.
And then watching my mom pump her fist so that everyone else in the world knew of her unbridled success.
Lizzie, who's that dancing with Bing Lee, the rich new neighbor who's studying to be a doctor?
For the tenth time, it's your eldest, most perfect daughter, Jane.
This is the happiest day of my life!
What about the day you married dad? Or the days your three daughters were born?
Nope! It's today!
Now, see, at that point? I was okay.
I mean, not totally thrilled, but okay. But then came time for the bouquet toss.
Or as it is to my mother, her last, best hope to match off one of her single, pathetic daughters.
I didn't so much catch it as prevent it from smashing into my face.
But I figured my mom probably paid off Ellen Gibson to throw it directly at me.
I wonder how much my misery is worth to my mother.
So anyway, fast-forward. Darcy's standing as far away from the clump of bachelors as possible.
To allow for minimal chance of interaction with other humans.
Yet somehow, mustered the hospitality to catch the garter.
After it hit him in the chest.
So there we were. Forcing smiles. For the dog and stuck-up pony show.
Or should that be the stuck-up dog and pony show?
But that Darcy…what a charmer!
Stone. Freaking. Statue.
Like, can't you just imagine fake happiness and force a smile?
So there's me, being the lady, following his lead.
More like swaying to his sway. It was like he was trying to hear the crickets in the next county.
And when I asked him if he actually liked it here in town?
Not especially.
Do you enjoy dancing?
Not if I can help it.
Glad to rock your world, there, Darcy.
So the dance ends. I swayed, he snobbed. And he actually thanked me for the dance.
So then I head back to my wall, where Charlotte is waiting.
I give her the skinny, we laugh, and then we head outside. And that's when I hear him talking to Bing.
You're dancing with the only tolerable girl in the room, so stop wasting your time with me.
Sure, Lizzie's decent enough, but why would I continue to dance with her when no one else does?
I mean it's-- who is he to-- I mean, I'm not even going to give him the satisfaction.
Well, Mister Darcy, I hope it's not too lonely on the pedestal you've put yourself on.
It's safe to say, I like you even less than you like me.
Lizzie Bennet. Decent enough.