- Do you ever experience shame when it comes
to your sexuality and where do you think it stems from?
Okay.
Okay this one, okay
(upbeat music)
- When did you lose your virginity?
How was it?
Okay.
- Don't get me wrong.
It was amazing.
I had fun and I enjoyed experience
but I wish it was somebody a little bit more special
but you know.
- The first time I had anal sex, it was,
I believe sophomore or junior year.
It was not for me.
It was pretty painful and we were a little unprepared too.
So yeah.
- We're both 16.
No one can really do it at their place.
So it was kind of not in the place
you should probably be, be doing that.
- I was 19 and I was in Austin, Texas
and I was visiting a friend who went to school there
and I met this man on Tinder
and we were talking for a little while.
I went to his house and then we had sex the first time.
And then like recently I checked on like Instagram.
He's like married now with like two kids
and like, great, thanks.
I feel good.
- Do you always have the same roles in bed?
Are you exclusively a top or bottom or can it change?
Interesting question.
- I'm pretty much a bottom.
I mean, I have topped, I'm not putting it on my LinkedIn.
- My mom thought I was a top and I had to correct her
and she's just like what?
She's like my son bot, like, it broke her heart.
I swear it broke her heart.
- So when I first started having sex, I was,
I guess more in the bottom position
because that was just like what people expected of me.
I, I think look young and I'm small
and I'm relatively not very hairy.
So people put me in that category of like
I have to be a bottom
and I have to do this and I have to be a certain way.
It's frustrating.
- I like to think I'm a person of the people.
So I just will do what I need,
what needs to get done to make sure that everybody's happy.
- If they prefer one thing it's like, okay, well then
I guess I'll do the other thing,
I can kind of go either way.
I just need love.
I'm kidding.
- Does sex hurt?
Depends.
If you both like communicate and talk and chat
and then get the vibes going then, no.
- I almost always try to and avoid anal sex.
It's a whole complicated process just to do it.
And, and then it ends up not even being
that pleasurable for me.
- Sex should be pleasurable.
So if it's a little bit of discomfort,
you can work past it with a lot of lube,
relaxing, communication.
- I haven't bottomed in a very long time.
So even when I, the thought of it, you know, as much
as I crave it, sometimes it's just something
that I try to avoid.
I am a survivor of rape.
So it's just getting into the idea of bottoming is
you know, feeling submissive at that moment is just
not something that I'm still comfortable with at times.
- My partner will wanna keep going
and I'd be like, no, it hurts.
We can't keep doing this.
Or like, it's gonna be really bad.
And that's totally okay.
Don't be afraid to stop whatever you're doing.
If you're in pain.
- Have you ever had a sexual experience with women?
No.
Never have.
Never will.
- I've only kissed girls.
I've never had anything besides that.
- I've, I've hugged girls
- Oral, oral.
And then after that I was just like,
mm-mmn I don't know what's in there.
- Once.
It was like at a party, a little, little drunky.
It was all right.
I mean, I'm not gonna say it was bad
but it was just like, you know, once was enough.
- Sexuality is such a spectrum.
So for me, it's something more like, oh, why not?
I'm not super interested in it, but like, yeah
it could be fun.
- I'm open to it.
I'm like, you know what I'm saying?
Like, if like the opportunity were to arise.
I want it to be a threesome.
So that way in case I don't like that
I have somewhere else to go.
- How many sexual partners have you had?
- I wanna say more than 50, I don't know the exact number.
- Maybe like 10 to 15
- Total sexual encounters are 323.
It, it's not all anal sex.
It's some, I, one of the encounters is
like making out someone on the dance floor.
- A lot of my friends do.
They're like, oh, I only, you know
had sex with seven girls or whatever.
I'm like to me, that that seems so low.
And I mentioned, oh, it's like probably around 30 or 40.
And they were like, they were shocked about that.
Like 30 or 40 that's a lot.
And I'm like, is it?
- There is a big hookup culture in the gay community
but I feel like it's really more so maybe
because we don't really get the opportunity
like how a lot of straight people do.
- People couldn't be out and proud and, and
in certain places you still can't be, you know,
like or you can be, but it's dangerous.
I think that combination along with the fact
that there was the aids crisis, there was some suppression
of sexual activity in the gay community.
I think like, we're almost like
in what one can consider like a gay Renaissance right now.
- When I was 17 and 18, I was a hooker in Philly.
And I had a list of all the dates that I went on.
The 116 clients added up to like 160 something dates.
And that was the money that I saved to move out here.
Four digits probably.
And there's nothing wrong with that.
- Is it hard to find something
that's more than just a hookup?
Yes.
- I've never had a boyfriend
who is willing to love me openly.
Like I've never had anyone be like, Angel's my boyfriend.
Like, it can kind of make you question like, you know
am I the issue here?
And I think for a long time, I thought I was
until I realized I was like, no, I was like, I,
I'm not the issue here.
It's the other person being so obsessed
with the perception of others.
And like, I can't worry about what everyone else thinks
in this world or else I'm never gonna be happy.
- The gay community likes to promote, like,
you know, it gets better.
And, and like, you know, supporting each other.
In actuality it's different than that.
You know, I, you know, experience racism
in the gay community more, which is kind of weird.
And for me, it hurts more because in the gay community,
my heart's on the line.
- It's really hard to like, get someone who's like really
into like investing the time and effort in a relationship.
And then like, there's some people who say they are
but like, then you, like, you show your interest
and they're like, mm you're a little too interested.
And it's like, okay.
- I personally have encountered men who, you know,
are into me one second
and the moment I say, I'm not gonna hook up.
They're, you know calling me all these names or,
you know, telling me off
- Eventually I do wanna have, you know, a family, kids.
So having a partner would make that possible.
- If you really want it.
And you really are like, you know
praying about it, manifesting it.
I think it's, it could be possible.
You know, it's hard not gonna lie,
but it's not impossible for sure.
- Any advice for someone's first time?
- Lube,
breathe.
- For my tops, listen to the bottoms.
- Gay porn makes it look so easy.
Like it's instantaneous, but like the truth is
that it's not, things are supposed to go out not in,
clean out and eat lots of fiber.
- You don't need to clean all the way up in there.
You just need to clean out the lower hall, like the foyer.
You don't need to do like the second story in the roof.
- And also there's so much more fun to be had
than just penetrative sex.
So if it's hurting, do something else.
- Do you always practice safe sex?
Yes and no.
- When it comes to hookups, I will always practice safe sex.
You just never know.
- I'm not a stranger to a slip up.
So, you know.
- Totally about to lie you.
I was like, yeah, no.
And I should, and everyone should be on prep,
everyone should be using condoms, and stuff like that.
- And if you don't know what prep is, it's a pill you take.
So if you come in contact with the HIV virus
it can't replicate in your body
- But that does not protect you from other, you know
STIs like hepatitis, herpes, gonorrhea.
- Even though I'm on prep
and I'm practicing those practices that are safe
I just feel more comfortable,
practicing safe sex with a condom.
- I had a gay uncle and a gay aunt
and my parents always told me condoms will save your life.
And they probably did.
- Do you ever experience shame when it comes
to your sexuality and where do you think it stems from?
Okay.
Okay, this one, okay.
- Even before I knew what gay was,
I knew you didn't want to be it.
- When I'm around certain family members,
maybe like my uncles or something like that, you know
where I kind of like play down, maybe like my mannerisms
with like my hands or the way I talk or say certain things.
- Something that I'm still struggling
with being comfortable, when I was raped
I wasn't very open to the idea of sex,
especially because when I told my friends,
they kind of blamed me for it.
And when I did try being more open to
having another sexual experience with a guy,
I almost got raped a second time.
And that was very, very troubling for me
and not knowing why these things were happening to me
in a way made me feel like I deserved it.
Like who goes through it more than once, right.
And it's taken a very long time.
I still feel some shame.
For me at least it's become very difficult to
even think of the idea of sex.
- When I was young.
It definitely affected me more because I was so confused.
And I didn't know what like being gay was, and
I'm getting all this like negativity, oh, being gay is bad.
You're going to hell, blah, blah, blah, blah.
I'm just like, I just wish that people could not focus
on like who I'm bringing the bed,
but focus on like their own life.
- I have a lot of friends and family who do accept me
but my biological Dad's side really doesn't.
I don't care who you are to me.
I'll cut you off.
Like you, you, there, you can be my family.
You can be my great grandma.
I don't care.
Like if you can't love me
for me when I am not judging you, I'm good.
- What is something that you wish you learned
in sex ed or something you wish you learned sooner?
- Things about anal sex
and like how to prepare yourself,
what to expect and how to be safe with it.
I wish that's something that I would've got told
instead of something I, to kind of learn
through trial and error with hookups.
- I've had some situations where I was a bit uncomfortable
or consent wasn't fully talked about or discussed
or it was a little bit blurry
or I did something that was a bit reckless
and irresponsible instead of like shying away
being like, don't do that.
Be like, Hey, if you do that, here's a helpful hand
on how to experience that safely and have fun doing it.
(chill music)