- EVERYBODY KNOWS, I'M SURE,
TAX SEASON IS RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER.
JUST LIKE THE OLYMPICS, IT HAPPENS EVERY FOUR YEARS.
OH, I'M TOLD THAT'S NOT CORRECT.
OKAY.
ANYWAY, DID YOU KNOW THAT WHEN PEOPLE DO THEIR OWN TAXES,
HALF OF THE TIME THEY MAKE MISTAKES?
WHICH MEANS THAT $1 BILLION IS LEFT ON THE TABLE?
H&R BLOCK WANTS TO HELP YOU GET A PIECE OF YOUR BILLION BACK.
AND SO WHAT WE THOUGHT WE'D DO TODAY
IS WE WOULD VISIT THE H&R BLOCK IN BURBANK,
AND THIS IS WHAT WE'VE DONE.
THERE'S AN ACCOUNTANT THERE; HIS NAME IS RICHARD GARTLAND.
AND HE IS WEARING AN EARPIECE,
AND HE HAS TO SAY WHATEVER I TELL HIM TO SAY.
[laughter]
AND-- [cheers and applause]
WE HAVE--WE HAVE HIDDEN CAMERAS EVERYWHERE.
NONE OF HIS CLIENTS OR HIS COWORKERS
HAVE ANY IDEA THAT WE'RE DOING THIS.
SO, RICHARD, IF YOU CAN HEAR ME, CLEAR YOUR THROAT.
- [clears throat]
- ALL RIGHT, GREAT.
ALL RIGHT, LET'S BRING IN THE FIRST CLIENT.
HI, CHRIS? - YES.
- YEAH, HI. RICHARD GARTLAND.
- PLEASURE TO MEET YOU, SIR.
- NICE TO MEET YOU.
- KEEP SHAKING HIS HAND WHEN HE COMES IN.
COME ON IN. - YOU GOT IT.
- KEEP SHAKING IT. - HAVE A SEAT.
- KEEP SHAKING-- KEEP SHAKING IT.
DON'T LET GO OF HIS HAND.
- IT'S NICE TO HAVE YOU HERE.
IT'S REALLY A PLEASURE TO HAVE YOU--
- KEEP SHAKING IT.
- WE REALLY WANT TO WELCOME YOU.
HAVE YOU BEEN TO H&R BLOCK BEFORE?
- I HAVE, YES.
- I'M EXCITED TO DO YOUR TAXES.
- I HAVE BROUGHT TWO W-2s.
- I'M REALLY EXCITED TO DO YOUR TAXES.
- THIS IS GONNA BE FUN.
- THIS IS REALLY GONNA BE FUN.
- IT WON'T BE TAXING AT ALL.
- NOT GONNA BE TAXING AT ALL.
- LAUGH REALLY HARD AFTER THAT.
- [laughs] - NOT GONNA BE--
- "NOT GONNA BE TAXING."
- NO WORRIES. - THAT'S A TAX JOKE.
- THAT'S A TAX JOKE. - IT IS.
- I'VE GOT TWO W-2s HERE.
ONE FROM MY... - THAT WOULD MAKE FOUR.
- STANDARD--
- TWO W-2s IS A FOUR.
- TWO W-2s? OH, THAT MAKES FOUR, RIGHT?
- GREAT. - IT DOES.
- OKAY.
SAY "EXCUSE ME ONE SECOND," AND STAND UP.
"EXCUSE ME." - EXCUSE ME ONE SECOND.
"JANICE, HOLD ALL MY CALLS." JUST SCREAM IT OUT.
"JANICE, CALL--HOLD MY CALLS."
- "JANICE, I WANT YOU TO HOLD ALL MY CALLS."
- OKAY. - ALL RIGHT.
- EXCUSE ME.
- WE ARE READY TO SAVE SOME MUCHO DINERO.
- ALL RIGHT, WE'RE READY TO SAVE YOU SOME MUCHO DINERO.
MUCHO DINERO.
- LET ME ASK YOU SOME QUICK QUESTIONS, OKAY?
- I AM ALL SET.
- SO I WANT TO ASK YOU A FEW QUICK QUESTIONS.
- START TYPING ON THE COMPUTER WHILE HE'S--
- ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT, SO--
- WHAT'S YOUR PROFESSION?
- SO WHAT'S YOUR PROFESSION?
- UM, I AM A HOTEL CLERK.
- DON'T TALK. JUST KEEP TYPING.
JUST KEEP TYPING.
DON'T TALK. JUST TYPE, TYPE, TYPE.
JUST KEEP TYPING.
DON'T STOP TYPING.
KEEP TYPING.
LIFT YOUR HANDS UP REALLY HIGH
AND JUST HIT THE KEYBOARD REALLY HARD
LIKE YOU'RE PLAYING PIANO, AND KEEP PLAYING.
OKAY, GOOD. JUST--
OKAY, GOOD.
OKAY.
ALL RIGHT, I'M SORRY.
I'M SORRY, WHAT DO YOU DO AGAIN?
- OKAY.
- I'M SORRY. WHAT DO YOU DO AGAIN?
- SORRY, TELL ME AGAIN, WHAT IS IT YOU DO?
- HOTEL CLERK. - HOTEL CLERK.
NICE. - OKAY, THAT'S GOOD.
OKAY.
DO YOU HAVE ANY CHILDREN OR PETS?
- OKAY, ANY CHILDREN OR PETS?
- UH, NO, NO CHILDREN. - NO CHILDREN?
- AND UNLESS YOU COUNT A ROOMBA AS A PET, NO.
- YES. - THE ROBOT VACUUMS.
- NO, OH, A ROOMBA? - LET'S CALL IT A CHILD, YES.
- YEAH, LET'S CALL IT A PET.
- OKAY, LET'S CALL IT-- - YES.
- HOW MUCH DO YOU SPEND ON A FANCY DINNER?
- ON AVERAGE, HOW MUCH DO YOU SPEND ON A FANCY DINNER?
- IF IT'S JUST BY MYSELF, THEN IT'S SAD.
IF IT'S ME AND ONE OTHER PERSON, THAT PROBABLY $60 TO $70.
- LET ME JUST GO OVER SOME NUMBERS WITH YOU, OKAY?
- SO LET ME JUST GO OVER SOME NUMBERS WITH YOU.
- YOU GOT IT. - 7.
- 7.
- 18.
- 18?
- 24. - MM-HMM.
- 24.
- .555.
- MM-HMM.
- STAND UP. "EXCUSE ME," AND STAND UP.
- OH, EXCUSE ME ONE MORE SECOND.
- ABSOLUTELY. - "JANICE?
"JANICE, HAVE I GOTTEN ANY CALLS?
"JANICE.
JANICE, HAVE I"-- - JANICE?
HAVE I GOTTEN ANY CALLS?
- NO, RICHARD. - NO CALLS?
NO. NO CALLS.
ALL RIGHT. - THANK YOU, JANICE.
- YOU SURE? ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU, JANICE.
- FEW MORE-- [laughs]
FEW MORE QUESTIONS I HAVE TO SAVE YOU MONEY.
DO YOU DRIVE A CAR?
- DO YOU DRIVE A CAR? - I DO.
- YEP. - OKAY.
- MM-HMM. - OKAY.
- GOOD. - DO YOU OWN A PARROT?
- DO YOU OWN A PARROT, BY ANY CHANCE?
- I HAVE ONE PARENT, YEAH, THEY'RE IN NEW JERSEY.
- NO, PARROT. - NO, PARROT.
- OH, PARROT. PARROT.
- PARROT. - OH, PARROT.
- UM, NO. - GOOD.
- VERY GOOD, VERY GOOD, VERY GOOD.
- VERY GOOD. THAT'S VERY, VERY GOOD.
- VERY, VERY, VERY GOOD. - GOOD, GOOD, GOOD, GOOD.
- GOOD, GOOD. - GOOD, GOOD, GOOD.
- GOOD, GOOD, GOOD, GOOD, GOOD.
- GOOD. ALL RIGHT, GOOD.
- VERY GOOD. - GOOD. GOOD.
- ONE FINAL QUESTION. - ONE LAST QUESTION NOW.
- DID YOU REFURBISH A YACHT?
- DID YOU REFURBISH A YACHT, BY ANY CHANCE?
- NO.
- OH, BOY.
OH, BOY, I'M DRUNK.
- OH, GOD, I'M SO DRUNK.
I'M FEELING JUST A LITTLE WOOZY.
- A LITTLE DRUNK, A LITTLE WOOZY?
THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I WANT WHEN PREPARING MY TAXES.
- I JUST--I JUST KEEP HEARING SOMETHING IN MY EAR.
- I JUST-- I JUST KEEP HEARING SOMETHING.
IT'S LIKE I'VE GOT THIS NOISE GOING ON IN MY EAR.
- LIKE I'VE GOT ELLEN DEGENERES IN MY EAR.
- IT'S LIKE I'VE GOT ELLEN DEGENERES IN MY EAR.
- REALLY?
- AND YOU'RE ON THE SHOW RIGHT NOW.
- AND THERE'S CAMERAS EVERYWHERE.
- RIGHT NOW. - [speaks indistinctly]
[laughter]
- OH, I LOVE IT. - GOOD JOB, RICHARD.
H&R BLOCK UNDERSTANDS HOW COMPLEX FILING TAXES CAN BE,
AND THEY WANT YOU TO GET THE BIGGEST REFUND POSSIBLE.
YOU'RE ALL GONNA GO HOME WITH A $200 MASTERCARD GIFT CARD
SO YOU CAN ACTUALLY--
[cheers and applause]
WE'LL BE BACK.
[cheers and applause]