Hi I'm Libby at Touch of Happiness Massage School, welcome to today's video where we are talking
about premature ejaculation and some practical simple tips on how you can last longer during
sex and intimacy. So premature ejaculation, or PE for short, is one of the most common issues that
my male clients bring to sessions. It can affect men at any age but research is showing that it's
actually on the rise in younger men, so your men under 30. Typically PE is more affected by mental
and emotional factors than it is physiological ones, but it's a good idea to have those
things checked out. So, things like having your prostate checked, monitoring your blood pressure,
addressing any underlying causes - things like whether you're a smoker or not, your weight,
how much alcohol you take in. Having this more holistic approach to your general health and
well-being, things like getting enough exercise, whether you have a sedentary or active lifestyle,
medications that you're taking, your general stress levels and also your use of or dependence
on porn as a kind of gateway to arousal and pleasure. Addressing all those things is going
to be as helpful a solution to PE as any focused or targeted practical exercises that you can do.
So make sure that your underlying health is good and that you are addressing the physiological
factors. So to give you a starting point, some surprisingly simple tips and tricks to use,
here is my guide to working with PE. It's based on my work with over a thousand men
in the past five years, as well as my personal experiences with tantric partners and lovers.
The most foundational aspect of having more choice around you ejaculatory response is:
relaxation. Learning to relax the most habitual and ingrained patterns of tension and tightness
in your body will allow you to have more choice around how your body responds to stimulation. So,
learning to relax requires you to be aware of tension and this needs you to have some body
awareness. So this can be practiced through things like embodied meditation, dance, movement, yoga,
martial arts. You may also like to download my body scan meditation - the link is in
the comments - which will help you with this kind of practice. Now this is not a quick fix:
this takes time and practice, so I really encourage you to engage in these body
awareness practices. So here are six simple and practical tips that you can incorporate into your
partnered or solo sex right now, but make sure that you're also doing all those foundational
things that I've talked about so far. Breathe: it may sound simple but most people, when they
are reaching their peak of arousal, that 'point of no return' - or just generally throughout sex and
masturbation - they're not breathing very deeply. It's this shallow, kinda restricted breath. A
lot of people tend to have patterns of holding their breath as well, so a simple tool that you
can use in the moment is a deeper, longer, more conscious breath. You may like to try inhaling
through your nose and then exhaling through your mouth. You'll notice that my exhale was a
little bit longer than my inhale. We call this a down-regulating breath, it helps to calm and
slow down the nervous system which is exactly what you want when your arousal levels are coming up a
little bit higher. So simple awareness of breath, inhale through the nose, exhale through the mouth.
Unclench: it may be the exact opposite of what you think you should do at that point but most
guys tend to hold a great deal of tension in their butt, their thighs, their pelvic floor, the lower
belly and their jaw. So just be curious next time and you are in partnered sex or masturbating,
and your arousal levels are creeping up, just see if you can let go through those big muscle groups.
That will allow your sexual energy, your arousal to move and be spread through your nice soft,
relaxed body, rather than being kind of pushed and forced out your body. Slow down:
there is no finish line so you don't need to be in a hurry. If you're having partnered sex you
can just plug in and hold there, connect to that deeper breath and be present with each other. You
can guide your partner gently to slow down their touch or movements. If you're having solo sex,
if you're masturbating, pause and just tune into this kind of subtle layer of sensation with
stillness, really small stroking or gentle touch. A good kind of mantra to hold is:
however slowly your think you're going, try and go 20% slower. Change position: whether
you're masturbating or having partnered sex, if you're edging and your arousal levels are coming
up a little bit higher then simply standing up or changing position will help you to redistribute
the awareness in your body. Having your feet on the floor, and your knees slightly bent, is also
great for just kind of sending the attention and the energy down so that you're kind of grounding
and settling your body. Self touch: now this is really relevant to the 'in the moment' experience
whether you're with a partner or masturbating, but it also needs to be something that you do
as a separate practice. So by this I mean, touch your whole body, give yourself massage that isn't
related to sex or masturbation. Spreading your touch through your body when you're having sex,
or when you're masturbating, is a great way to move attention and focus away from your genitals.
So that might be just touching your arms, it might be kinda bringing some connection up into
the chest, might be back of the body, the thighs. By doing this you are stimulating different neural
pathways and not over stimulating the pudendal nerve, which is the main nerve that innervates the
tip and shaft of the penis. So you're actually bringing, you're bringing yourself different
access to pleasure and not over stimulating that one route. Anal play: becoming familiar with
stimulation and sensation around the external anal sphincter, as well as penetration and prostate
massage, is essential in teaching your pelvic floor muscles to relax. If your pelvic muscles
are chronically tight, overworked and unable to relax, you are not going to be able to have as
much choice around your ejaculatory response as you want. Chronically tight pelvic floor muscles
can also place pressure on the pudendal nerve, which can trigger the ejaculatory response. So
become familiar with your arsehole, integrate massage and play into your regular masturbation
practice. You can check out my separate video on anal massage for some guidance on how to do that.
So I hope that you found the video useful and that you can put these six simple tips, as well
as the foundation principles, to god use in your partnered sex and your masturbation. Ultimately
more choice around your ejaculatory response comes from having more connection and awareness
of your body. So if you want to know more ways that you can do that you can get in touch,
my website is www.touchofhappiness.co.uk, my email address is elizabeth@touchofhappiness.co.uk