Hello everyone, I'm Daniel Love, The Lucid Guide.
Today we're going to try something a little different, here's an in-depth guide on how
to completely balls up your lucid dreaming practice.
If you're looking to screw up your chances of ever mastering lucid dreaming and instead
would prefer to piss your nights away spazzing around in the darkness - this is the guide
for you.
So, you want to lucid dream - but you're feeling half-hearted and want easy answers that will
completely waste your time and lead you up a merry tree of mindless twattery.
Well done, lucid dreaming is one of the most amazing things a human mind can do, so it's
absolutely not worth investing any real effort or critical thinking skills - when you could save that for energy
for porn.
First things first, dream diaries - meh - They're an absolute waste of time really.
It would be entirely too much like hard work to keep a detailed record of your own nightly
adventures and map your own personal psychological profile.
Such a power-house of intimate dream data would simply clog up notebooks that would
be better used for doing swirly doodles, comedy penis sketches and shopping lists you'll forget
to look at.
Instead, I'd recommend logging into any random forum or some entirely unfiltered smeg-hole
of information and hunting for the very latest techniques (probably called something like
SPILD FSDFSILD, or just ending ILD because an important scientist once had a technique
ending in ILD so why not copy that because it lends a wanky false legitimacy to things)
of course, avoid long posts that are well thought through and contain any citations or links to
to scientific research - and go directly for short posts with titles such as "super awesome
lucid dreaming technique that will work tonight forever and I'm amazing and notice me please notice me"
written by anonymous teenagers with an anime avatar. You can't miss them.
Even better, simply find a post called "Reply to this thread and you'll lucid dream tonight"
- and you're good to go.
Of course, lucid dreaming wouldn't be at all possible without some form of bullshittery
pseudo-science - So, make sure you click on all those adverts for binaural beats, suspect
Kickstarter dream masks and definitely any expensive product that makes any kind of reference
to The Matrix or Inception - because we all know that a flimsy connection to a popular
cinematic work of fiction is the basis for all good science.
If you're still left with time on your hands then you could do no better than making a
swift bee-line towards any fashionable looking YouTubers or trendy lifestyle gurus in their
early to mid 20s, look out for large crystal collections, tribal, OM, or YingYang tattoos,
an over-hyped connection to some kind of Buddhist organisation, the appearance of a passionate
weed-smoker, and a plethora of fashionable religious iconography and clothing.
Extra points if they mention Alan Watts or Buddha in a way that seems as if they're transparently
skirting around outright-admitting that they consider themselves to be spiritual equals.
These guys are the absolute dogs-bollocks. Who are we to argue with self-asserted
claims of a personal mastery of the entire-cosmos and all that ever was, from those who have
been legally allowed to drink for less than a decade - after all it can't be that hard,
you just have to believe it right?
Finally, expensive self-development retreats for bored middle-class hippies with more money
than sense, are an absolute godsend.
Generally, they'll be run by a slightly older version of the twats I've just mentioned.
You'll know you're onto a really good thing if they mash up as many different spiritual
disciplines as possible - because, you know, that's not flippant or disrespectful of the
subtleties of ancient traditions or anything.
If in their advertising they misuse scientific words like "quantum" and liberally throw around
terms such as "empathy", "integration" and "self-actualisation" - ka-ching - this is
gold dust.
Just make sure that whoever is running the event has an Instagram page showing them in
all manner of unlikely spiritual poses and DEFINITELY that they wear some kind of chunky
Buddhist pendant or mala beads.
Remember, lucid dreaming will not come about by developing a subtle and hard-won understanding
of your own psychology and psycho-physical processes.
Experimentation and record keeping are a complete waste of time.
Instead, if you believe really, really hard and throw large amounts of money at people who tell
you really nice things about how you are only a few more workshops or products away from
enlightenment - you'll not go wrong.
Well, that's if you want to completely balls up one of the most astounding free wonders
of the human mind.
If you like this video - please don't forget to like, share and comment.
You could also be lovely and support this channel on Patreon, thanks to everyone who
does. And if you're new here, why not click on subscribe for more videos like this.
so, that's it for today.
I'm Daniel Love, The Lucid Guide, and until next time - Sweet dreams.