- So, what are the thoughts that run through a man's mind
and what questions does he ask himself
when he's falling in love with you?
That's exactly what we're gonna talk about today.
Keep watching.
(soft music)
Hey there, my name is Mathew Boggs
and I'm the founder of the Love and Relationships Division
of the Brave Thinking Institute,
where our mission is empowering people
to create and live a life they love.
And that includes your love life.
So if you like this video,
I encourage you to click the Subscribe button,
click that little bell
because every week we bring you videos to empower you
in your love life.
And today we're talking about what men ask themselves
when they're falling in love with you.
Now, some men fall in love, super fast.
A client of mine started dating this guy,
they've been dating two months,
and he's already telling her how that he loves her,
he sees her as the one, and he is fully in
and she's like,
"Whoa, I'm still discovering you, let's take things slow."
Other guys, they're the ones that will take things
a bit more slow.
So whether your man takes things faster
or whether he's a bit slower,
it doesn't matter because all men ask themselves
these five questions
before deciding to give their whole hearts over
to their partner.
So the first question a man will ask
is obvious, but it always starts here,
and the question is,
how do I feel about her?
Now, you and I know that love
is way more than just a feeling,
but this is his starting place.
As he begins to assess the connection that he has for you
and specifically the intensity of that feeling.
I was recently watching a documentary
and they had a great definition of love.
And they described love as focus.
And I like this definition
because what you put focus on is what matters to you.
And whatever we focus on expands.
And so when your man is falling in love with you,
he's gonna find that he focuses on you more
and the more he focuses on you,
the more that that feeling intensifies and expands.
So as he's asking himself this question,
"How do I feel about her?
How do I feel about her?"
He's thinking about you and he's assessing
that strength of connection that he has with you.
The second question that your man will ask
is like the other side of the coin
of how do I feel about her?
He'll ask,
how do I feel about myself when I'm around her?
It's tempting to think
that that's gonna be an obvious answer,
that he'll automatically feel positive
if he's feeling positive about you,
but it's not always the case.
There was a buddy of mine who came to me for some advice,
because he felt like he really liked this woman,
he really liked her and how he felt about her,
but what he didn't like is how he felt about himself
when he was around her,
because she had this subtle habit
of just criticizing the things that he did wrong
and focusing on the ways that he didn't measure up.
And he just always kind of felt
like he wasn't enough for her.
And while there was a lot about her that he really liked,
and she was fun, and smart, and sexy and all these things,
he noticed that every time he would leave
hanging out with her, he didn't feel good about himself.
Your man must feel good about himself.
Your man wants to feel like the man you want him to be,
if he feels like he's inadequate,
that is kryptonite to him falling in love.
That will hold him back.
On the other hand, the man who feels like he's enough,
the man who feels like he's a better man in your presence,
the man who feels good about himself when he's around you,
that will propel him down the path
of falling in love with you.
The third question that a man asks himself is,
is this what I want at this stage in my life?
It's very romantic to think that love trumps all
and that when he meets the right person,
he's just gonna fall in love
and that's gonna be the end of it.
But that's not the case
because where a man is in his stage of life
will dictate whether or not he's really willing
to give his heart over to this relationship or not.
So the man will look at his life and say,
"Where am I in this stage of my life in my career?
Where am I at the stage of my dating life?
Do I want to forgo all other options
and just focus on one person?
Right now do I feel ready for that?"
And so he'll look
at what his relationship with you symbolizes.
And if he doesn't want a commitment,
then he won't let himself go there.
On the other hand,
if he does want a commitment,
if he is ready for something significant,
something special for that partnership in his life,
then when he meets you and he's saying,
"Is this what I want for this stage in my life?"
It will be a resounding yes.
And he will lean in to that possibility with you.
So if you'd love to know how to have that conversation
with him, where you can identify exactly what he wants
and what stage he's in without pushing a great guy away,
but rather drawing him in,
I'm gonna put a link below this video in the description.
And this is exactly one of the things that we teach
in the Manifest Your Man program.
So if you're interested in learning more about that,
go ahead and click that link below.
And question number four
that a man will ask himself is this,
do I have what it takes to make her happy?
You see a man's sense of worth in a relationship
comes from his ability to provide you with the experience
that you want.
And this goes way beyond his ability to just be a provider.
This goes into every aspect of the relationship.
Does he have what it takes to make you happy in the bedroom?
Does he have what it takes to make you happy intellectually,
emotionally, spiritually, to be your partner?
When a man feels like he's delivering what you want
to help create that experience for you,
he feels that sense of worth.
When he doesn't, he feels inadequate,
and again, it draws him down
into the state of maybe I don't have what it takes.
Every man wants to have what it takes
to be the man you want him to be.
And so I'm not talking about giving him false praise
or being pleased with something that he does
when he really doesn't hit the mark.
But when you are authentically pleased
with what he's providing you,
when you're authentically filled with joy
because of the role that he's playing in the relationship,
that will help him open up his heart even more
and lean into this path of falling in love with you.
And number five, your man asks himself,
can I see myself with her long-term?
You see, if a man starts to feel
like he's falling in love with you,
he'll project himself out into the future and say,
"What does this look like long-term?"
And if he sees major red flags
or sees that your values don't line up
or your visions for your life don't line up,
he will put the brakes on to those feelings.
And it's easy to assume that you might be the only one
who's visioning out in the future,
and imagining kids together,
and imagining what your life is like together.
But that's not the case.
Your man is doing that too.
He's saying, "What would it be like
to be with her family together?
Do our lifestyles line up?
What is it like to keep a home together?
As far as cleanliness and the chores?
What about managing money together?
Does she treat her money
the way that I would want my money treated?
We're gonna merge our lives together,
do we want kids together?"
And here's what's cool,
when your man gets guesses to these questions,
how do I feel about her?
How do I feel about myself when I'm around her?
Do I want this at this stage in my life?
Do I have what it takes to make her happy?
And do I see a future with her, a long-term future with her?
When he gets yeses to all of those questions,
the flood gates of love open up
and he pours himself in to this relationship.
Now, my question for you is this,
what questions do you ask yourself
when you're falling in love
that helps you lean in,
that helps you open your heart?
Go ahead and post those in the comment section below.
I appreciate you.
Thanks for watching.
I'll see you soon.
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