- Hey, hey, what is up guys?
It is Pear, the most extreme gamer of all time
and this is definitely a game you guys have
been trying to force me to play for a while.
It's called, Who's Your Daddy?
Ah, so I have no idea what this is.
I just downloaded it.
I'm going to play a little online game.
See, okay, watch your son.
Mom should be home by four.
Oh, guys, is this like a babysitting game?
Seriously?
Oh gosh.
Okay, yeah, you make me play all these makeup games.
Oh crap, I didn't even know--
Okay, so I can pick up everything?
Ah geez, okay.
Oh, okay.
It that a kid?
That's a kid.
Oh crap, I dropped the candle.
Oh shoot.
No, kid, get way from there!
What are you doing?
No, no, don't, no, no, no, don't play with that.
Don't play with that.
Get away from there.
Gimme that.
Geez.
Did I just-- (laughing)
I just threw it over the banister.
It's probably not a good place, you know,
if you have a lit candle, just tossing it over the,
over the balcony, why not?
I don't know.
Okay, there's the kid.
There's the kid.
Okay, what am I supposed to do?
I'm just...
Am I just supposed to just watch him and see how he's doing?
What do you got in there?
Oh crap.
No, no, no.
Oh shoot, I put him in the closet.
Baby, get out of the closet.
Guy, okay, here we go.
What are we doing, okay, these clothes are in the way.
I can't.
What is going?
There's something going on in there.
Let's take all of this crap out of here.
Because apparently--
Dang it kid!
What are you doing back there?
Okay, I can see him.
Oh, I've got to crouch.
That's what we're doing.
Great.
This is exactly what I wanted to be doing
with my day, watching a child dig through the closet.
Fantastic.
This is almost as bad as the game where you made me
pull princesses teeth--
How did you get in here?
Get away from the gas can, kid.
What the heck?
Geez, I don't understand.
So the whole point of the game is
you've got to keep stuff away from the baby,
I'm assuming.
I can't put that in the car.
I thought--
Okay, baby, just hang out right there, dude.
Okay?
Maybe I'll get you a bottle or--
You are such a creepy looking baby.
What are you? Okay!
You can open doors?!
Holy moly!
How is that fair?
Okay, this game is not realistic in any capacity
whatsoever.
Look at you hopping up in here.
What are you doing?
Okay, I've got to stop crouching.
Oh, get away from the frying pan, kid.
You're going to be cooking up some trouble here.
Now, okay, let me get this... gosh darn it!
I'm having a hard time here.
It's very difficult when you don't have feet.
Kid, come back here.
Stop it.
Okay, now I'm just walking on top of him.
What?!?!? Ohhhh!!!
Ohhhh no, no, no, noooooo!
He's on fire!
Where does he go, no!
Come back, kid!
Kid!
Oh, shoot!
Get him in the bathtub!
Bathtub!
Get him in the bathtub, hurry!
Ohhhh!
What kind of game is this?!
What?!
Holy moly!
I didn't realize it was that kind of game.
Oh!
I'm going to be having nightmares now.
Are you kidding me?!
I just watched that kid get set on...
Oh.
Who makes a game like this?
Come on.
Geez.
Holy crap, okay.
Kid, can you just stay in there tonight.
Oh yeah, just...
Oh, he's so creepy looking.
Don't look at me with those eyes.
He's staring into my soul.
Get away from every...
No, come back here.
Come back here.
Everybody's getting a spanking.
Oh, geez, I opened the door for him.
No.
Get out of there.
There better not be anything to get into in here.
No, what are you doing?
No!
Did he...
Did you just drink that?
You just drank the entire bottle of bleach, didn't you?
Perfect.
Oh, what kind of game...
Okay, maybe if I could just trap.
There, yeah.
Just trap him in here.
This is ridiculous.
What kind of game is this?!
All right.
I was going to say this is almost as bad as
the time you guys made me play that game where
you had to remove the teeth from the princesses.
That was fun, but I think this game probably
takes the cake.
Okay, while he's up there trapped,
I'm hoping he's trapped anyways,
maybe I could get rid of all the things
that he can get into.
Because this is terrible.
This is terrible.
Okay, he can get into that.
He can turn the water on.
Maybe I'll just...
What am I doing?
Now I am just doing the dishes.
Yeah, that is definitely safe.
As long as we're doing that, let's put
the toaster in there too, in the running water.
Let's see if I can kill myself before baby does.
Maybe that's the point of the game.
It's who can kill each other fir...
Nope, baby wins!
Baby wins again.
I don't agree with it.
I don't like it.
This is weird.
This is a game.
Somebody made this.
This is a thing.
Oh man, rude awakening.
Baby's on fire and stuff, man.
That's, okay kid.
Kid, kid, kid, kid, kid, okay.
You and me, man.
Let's have a talk.
Okay, creepy peepers, come back here, dude.
No!
No, no, no, no, no.
You'd think that me stepping on him would do damage,
but apparently it doesn't.
I suppose it's just, you know,
I'm actually glad it doesn't because...
Okay, no, stay away from that candle.
Oh for crying out loud!
Did you have a knife?
Or a fork?
Where did you get a fork?!
I didn't even see you grab a fork.
Come on!
Geez.
This is... ahhh.
I don't even... I don't have words right now.
You guys.
Why?
Ohhhh, the whole point of the game is to save the baby,
stop if from killing itself.
But I can't do it.
Okay, kid, kid, kid.
Look at me.
Just keep your eyes focused on me.
Come in here.
We're going to play with the ball.
See?
♫ We're gonna have a ball.
♫ We're gonna have a ball, yeah!
We're having fun, right?
Kid no!
No, no, no, no, no, no.
No!
Son of a--
Where'd you go?
He just warped right out of here.
What the heck?
Where'd he go?
That was so fast.
Why are there lit candles everywhere in this house?
Ah, crap, now I got...
Okay, where'd the baby go?
Perfect.
Now I don't know where to put this stupid thing.
And I just dropped it on the ground.
There are lit candles in every room.
Are you kidding me?
You're just asking to kill the...
Okay, there he is.
No, do you have a knife?!
Where did you get a knife?
Man, come on!
No, no, kid.
Kid, kid, no.
Get back here.
You get back here.
You are going to bed without your supper.
For crying out loud, where did it go?
Oh my... Okay, I heard something break.
Something broke.
Where is it?
If this is anything like what being a parent
is, I never ever want to be a parent, okay?
This is, I'm just, no.
I didn't mean to pick this up.
Okay, now I've got to put this...
Wait, wait, wait, there he is.
There he is!
There he is, kid!
Kid!
Kid, no, no, no, no, get away from the burner!
Get away from the... Jesus who left broken glass everywhere?
Nooooo!
Ohhhhhh.
I don't underst--
I can't.
I can't stop the baby, man.
Is there any way to stop the baby?
Okay, you guys.
You guys are too good at this game.
Whoever is playing the baby is very good at this game.
Okay, just stay in there.
Here have a ball.
No, no, no, just have the ball in--
No, kid!
Geez.
Gimme this, no.
You leave this ball in there.
You play with the ball.
You stay in that crib.
No!
Do not jump out of there.
No!
Just no!
Geez!
How is it that you're like a spider monkey?
Would you just get back.
No!
Play with this ball.
You will play with this ball.
And you will not--
No, stop looking at me like that.
Baby, do you want to role play or just goof off.
What are you talking about?
I am trying to keep you from killing yourself.
And how are you talking to me?
How are you typing and saying things?
Oh, crap!
No!
No, I didn't mean to knock over every single thing
in the gosh darn room.
No.
Why is there a knife just laying here?
Who's laying knives everywhere?
Okay, let's put this...
I don't know where to put this.
Can I put this on the table?
No, I don't want to use it on the table.
I want to put it in the table.
Can I do that?
Because I don't want the kid using it to...
Okay, okay.
I'm spending too much time...
Oh for crying out loud.
That's right.
Gimme that.
It's not yours, it's mine.
I use this to pound nails, and hang pictures.
Not for baby to stick into light sockets and things.
Batteries!
Ah, I just got an open cabinet with
batteries laying around in here, awesome.
Okay kid, now just don't do anything.
No.
Are you kidding me?
No.
No!
No, I didn't mean to drop it.
Thank you, thank you.
Okay, just leave it.
No, stop picking it up!
Ohhhh!
Oh, kid!
Kid, okay, if I could just stand on top of him
and keep him from moving.
No, don't.
Okay, there better not be anything...
No!
Get out of that cabinet, no!
God, no.
I just want to... No.
I just want to put this down.
Okay, the sink's running...
He's closing the door on me.
The baby slammed the door in my face.
Yeah.
Where did he go?
Okay, I don't see the kid.
Did he go in the toilet?
What the heck?
Where did he go?
He was in the bathroom.
He closed the door on me and now he's not in there.
Don't tell me he went in the ventilation system.
I bet you anything that's where he went.
Is he in here?
Baby!
Oh, there is.
I bet you anything there's a ventilation system
or something.
He crawled in the vent.
Ohhhhhh.
What?
What happened to you?
First of all, you have a fork and you're...
Obviously you probably been eating or drinking
something that you should not have been.
Since you were a very odd color.
Oh this game.
This game.
You guys broke the mold with this one.
Okay, he's not even in!
Okay, perfect.
He's not even in here.
How am I supposed to watch him when he's
not even in the nursery, where he's supposed to be?
Why can't I just pick the child up
and cuddle it for a while?
You know, until four o'clock.
There you are!
What are you doing, spider monkey?
He just disappeared again!
He disappeared.
He literally, he was on the picture,
I picked up the picture, he's gone.
Dude, can you warp?
Is that a thing that babies can do in this game?
Because I kinda feel like it's already stacked
against the daddy already.
And that makes it even harder.
What's that beep--
Oh there you are.
Gimme that hammer.
Dude, where do you keep getting that hammer?
No, give it to me.
Gosh darn it.
No, you just broke the table.
Oh!
Mom's going to be so angry.
She's not going to believe me that the baby
broke the table with a hammer.
For crying out loud.
Can I just stop this stupid hammer.
I keep trying to put it places,
but it won't stay.
Okay, kid, no, get away from the broken glass.
What are you doing?
Get away from there kid!
No!
Get out of there!
Yes, get out, get out, get out.
Where are you going?
No!
No, why are you turning different colors?!
Kid!
What a-- ah, for...
All right.
Now that I am...
Ah, I don't even know what to say.
You guys broke the mold on this one.
This one takes the cake.
Wow.
You forced me to play a game that is going to give
me nightmares for the rest of my life.
Thank you very much.
And I will never be a parent.
All right.
Thanks guys.
Later.
Extreme in and out until next time.
Oh my gosh.
I can't even...
Ah.
(upbeat techno music)