[Music]
hello and welcome back to another
episode of interviews with survey
the name is still in the works today
we'll be interviewing bartholomew osiris
blade song let's welcome him in
oh god welcome
but i follow you
i'm survey god of inquisition you've
been summoned to my realm to answer a
few questions about your experiences as
an adventurer why what i mean i'm the
god of inquisition i ask questions it's
what i do
all right okay for your participation
today i will enter you into a prize draw
and then i'll send you back to wherever
you came from without any recollection
of what went on here today oh well that
sounds pointless well
we'll see
so uh tell me about your adventuring
party empty
yes they're just props tell me about
your adventuring party what do you think
of them barodoon and the [ __ ] first
of all don't love the name perfect uh
but they're okay i couldn't afford the
taxonomy oh it was making me feel bad
they're making me feel bad just ignoring
it and ignoring it i'm my wife
they're definitely not the best
tell me about baradune what do you what
do you think of him barrow dune is a
[ __ ] quite frankly but
you know where you sit with him right
you know he's an arrogant prick he's
always gonna be an arrogant prick all
right guys i know what to do i've got
the plan for everything i'm the best
sorcerer in the world shut up fireball
anything you'd expect an arrogant prick
to do
bardoon you know what he's going to do
yes uh tell me about bodger what do you
think of him bodja is alright um pretty
stubborn he's your brother roger no
and he's a traitor obsessed with getting
back to honeywood for some reason i
don't know what he doesn't have anything
going on there hello
i'm going back to honeywell i've got
motivation to go back to home
it's a [ __ ] of a town it's nothing
it's tiny it's it's a shit-filled lake a
garlic shop and an empty tent and he's
so obsessed with getting back there no
that's the thing his blacksmith's shop
was shut down he doesn't have anything
tying him to honeywood exactly i don't
know but he's constantly like right off
the honeywell why why there's so many
other places you could go bizarre one of
the major questions that i have here in
this realm of inquisitions
greg what do you feel about him
competent adventure no he's a little
psychopath he puts on this little front
of like oh hello adventurer i'm just a
garlic farmer but half the crazy dark
[ __ ] we've done has been his idea i
beheaded an old man because of him you
have to cut his head off
just this is the worst birthday ever i
mean you did have quite a say in
decapitating frank
well i mean yeah i wasn't like he didn't
exactly twist my arm but it was his idea
and i'm just saying like he presents
this very clean
innocent facade but he's not he's a
dirty little psycho with kill pill let's
find something to burn and i wish you
just acknowledged as much yes of course
uh no
i'm quite good friends with the god of
luck and uh
what yes well
we like to uh unwind with the glass of
sharden freud and just
make bets on when you'll legitimately
lose your mind yeah i bet you can do it
have you um always been unlucky or just
since meeting the [ __ ] i don't know
i don't i mean how do you justify luck i
don't know because there are some things
that have happened in my life that are
bad at the moment but turn out to be
good later on you know
however i will say i have come much
closer to death far more frequently
since hanging out with these i don't
know what it is you and the god of luck
i don't know what the [ __ ] you're up to
but it's been an absolute nightmare
every single time we get into any kind
of conflict of combat it all directs
straight at me the odds are ridiculous
of course
there's a
saying roll outside of a dice tray and
you get what's coming to you this is not
gonna go well that sounds like a stupid
who says that doesn't it who says that
it doesn't translate into common it's in
celestial it's very beautiful anyway um
speaking about your history uh you're
from quite a large family right correct
yeah yes uh how many brothers and
sisters you have
well there was 13 of us
a bunch of them have died i think we're
at nine now i haven't checked in with
the family can you remind me who they
all are in order oh for god's sake mate
i haven't seen them in a hundred years
but they are your brothers and sisters
ah hang on give me a sec there's mob
jab nab
rob
gob
sob
quite elven names very traditionally
beautiful you don't want to get on the
bad side of mob you idiots those are all
the short hands obviously like i'm
bartholomew osiris blade song but you
chose to go by bob well i didn't really
choose it it's just my initials in it
very well it's just how how our family
operates honestly
it used to annoy me a little bit i was
like mum dad
did you really have to name us all to a
convention like it feels a bit full you
know what speaking about your family you
have quite an interesting tradition
among the blade songs of jumping inside
of an animal and exploding it yeah
is it possible
oh it's a bear that was a bear
how that began
no one really knows it's just something
we've always done going back generations
yeah generations as part of a family
tradition at every big gathering
uh before we roast the pig we often have
well we have two picks we have one
that's going to go on the spit that
you're actually going to eat and then
the other one is kind of the ceremonial
so the spit pig and the party pig yeah
the party pick and the eldest uh member
of the family will climb inside and
explode from the inside
that sounds actually quite like a
beautiful tradition it's gorgeous and
then the first person to get the blood
on them they're kind of it's kind of
like throwing the the flowers at a
wedding right no it's that kind of thing
they get that and then they're they are
the next one too
just as beautiful yeah yeah yeah do you
ever regret exploding anything
never
all right
from the inside out
not the voracious quake why would i
regret that i mean you consumed his
blood and that led you an an
irreversible path into becoming a
warlock to some sort of unknown entity
patron of some kind that may or may not
be evil or world disorder now i can
shoot [ __ ] out my eyes mate
right right so no regrets no why
gonna stop you now giants
[Music]
you seem rather chaotic
why not why wouldn't you be why not why
not give me a reason why not speaking of
chaos um let's talk about the um
what's it um uh well what's it what's it
yeah what's it my boy
my little baby what what do you mean
he's my he's my son he's a demon yeah
you know what demons are yeah my son the
literal literal embodiments of chaos and
evil
yeah they're tangible
chaos yeah
he's a handful
he's a [ __ ] handful scratchers in
claws
cancel that cancel that get off girl
you're looking for children to be
victims okay no no no no he seems to
suit your party rather well yeah exactly
exactly i love it i love it you never
know what he's going to do go find a
little critter and rip it apart
it runs off towards the tree no no no no
no no no
i've been teaching him how to crawl
inside things and explode from the
inside out as well carrying on the
family tradition it's in demon form it's
endearing in a very psychotic way yeah
exactly so we're almost out of time but
here's one from our viewers um
yeah well the other celestials the
angels and the spirits the unicorns
um they asked
are you an npc or a player in this game
right wait actually i'm just hearing
from my finger this is all the time we
have for today guess i'll just go [ __ ]
myself then uh well you i mean with this
you've got to pass the time somehow when
you're awake and the others aren't
exactly uh so thank you for joining us
is there any particular prize you'd like
from the prize draw if you had one
[Applause]
gold
gold yeah heaps of gold very well that'd
be great well thank you very much for
joining me bartholomew osiris-blade song
and be sure to join us next time on
survey welcomes a guest in to talk to
them about their experiences
why can i not think of a name for this
show
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