Hey everyone, and welcome to TopThink. Today, we are going to learn about the 10 second rule
to attract anyone. Now, let’s begin.
Do you want to make attractive first impressions?
Do you want to grab the attention of everyone you meet? To become a more attractive individual,
you need to master the first 10 seconds of every interaction. In that short window of time,
the human brain makes a series of simple judgments, assumptions, and decisions,
all of which decide how well or how poorly an interaction is going to go.
In other words, if you can master the 10 second rule, you can change the way people perceive you.
But first, let’s get one thing straight. The 10 second rule is not a trick used by pickup
artists or dating experts. It’s not a shortcut or a cheat code for consistent romantic success.
Instead, the 10 second rule takes advantage of a real psychological phenomenon—a brief period of
rapid emotional and psychological analysis, during which your brain processes the characteristics of
another person. Drawing from body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice, your brain creates
a quick and simple interpretation of everyone you meet. And you use that interpretation,
whether positive or negative, to understand how you relate to and communicate with new people.
For example, let’s say you encounter a person wearing a t-shirt from a TV show you cannot
stand. When your brain sees their t-shirt, and the logo from your least favorite show,
it makes a series of logical judgments about their personality, their tastes,
and the kind of activities they enjoy. Since you like different shows, you may assume you
have nothing in common. You may assume they have bad taste or that your personalities may clash.
None of these things may be true, but your brain makes those black and white judgements
anyway. And those judgements impact the strength or weakness of your connection.
Obviously, your brain is busy during the first 10 seconds. It’s scanning the other person for
any number of cues, quickly assembling your interpretation of who they are.
But, to some extent, you can control the way others judge and interpret your personality.
We call this, “making a good first impression.” Ultimately, the 10 second rule, the 8 second rule,
even the 17 second rule are all different names for the same thing. People are making quick
judgments about who you are. The right judgments can kickstart a strong connection, but the wrong
judgements can scare people away. So, what is it, in the first 8,10, or 17 seconds that people
latch onto? What makes a first impression good or bad? Strong or weak? Attractive or unattractive?
In the first 10 seconds, your brain searches for something called “generally appealing traits.”
A generally appealing trait is something you find attractive on the surface. In other words,
they are the shallow characteristics that make one person more appealing or attractive than another.
Generally appealing traits can vary wildly. For some people, height, athleticism, and good hygiene
check all their boxes. Other people latch onto personality traits like extroversion, a sense
of humor, or a confident demeanor. Discussing every single one of these traits would be a
waste of time, not because they’re unimportant, but because they’re really, really unreliable.
See, your brain is well-practiced at making quick judgments, but that doesn’t mean it’s accurate.
Someone may judge you as close-minded when you’re the most open-minded you know. In the same vein,
someone might say you’re too short while other people might say you’re too tall.
Think about that T-shirt you instantly disliked. For you, that was a turn-off. You lost interest
after seeing that shirt, but another person may react completely differently. They may be big
fans of that TV show. They may see that shirt and think, “I’ve found the love of my life.”
They make a string of positive assumptions. They’re convinced they have all the same hobbies,
similar personalities, and like-minded values. But just like your assumptions
about this person were wrong, their assumptions may be equally misguided.
In the first 10 seconds of every interaction, you make dozens, maybe hundreds of quick decisions,
but only about 30% of those decisions are accurate. In other words, you’re physically
and emotionally misjudging people around 70% of the time. Yet, most people stick to their guns.
Once they make up their mind about you, it can be very difficult to change their thinking.
Because those judgments aren’t random. Each assumption you make is influenced by a diverse
spectrum of variables, like your experiences, your mood, and your past relationships.
For example, if your last partner was obnoxious and rude, and they happened to wear a lot of hats,
you might associate hats with self-centered personalities.
So, how do you make yourself more attractive? If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, everyone
interprets things differently, and you only have 10 seconds to make a strong first impression,
how do you attract the people you meet? How do you use the 10 second rule to your advantage?
I’m going to give you a piece of advice that many people don’t like to hear. The quality of
your first impression is not up to you. It’s not something you can control, perfect, or streamline,
so take the pressure off your shoulders. Because you, like most people, are putting way too much
weight on something that is largely out of your hands. Often, people ruin their first impressions,
because they try to control the assumptions other people make. They want to project
a specific persona. They try to convince other people they’re something they’re not.
But the truth is… other people’s judgements are rarely influenced by changes you make, especially
in the first 10 seconds. So, if you want to attract new people and make stronger impressions,
don’t worry about what other people think of you. Instead, worry about what you think of yourself.
Have you ever heard the phrase, “keep it simple, stupid”? It’s a great piece of advice in a
variety of fields, but it’s especially important here. Other people are making extremely shallow
judgments of you based on factors you really can’t control. That’s why, in the first 10 seconds, the
most attractive people don’t look like anything special. In fact, they look relatively normal.
This can be a huge surprise for people who struggle with their confidence or self-image.
Maybe you’ve gone out of your way, changed your personality, or worn some outrageous outfit to
make lasting, memorable impressions on others. But the truth is… most people aren’t looking for
someone who is different from everyone else in the world. You don’t have to be special, individual,
or one-of-a-kind. In other words, you don’t need to be the most muscular person in the room or the
most confident. You don’t need to be overflowing with wealth or the center of attention. Instead,
keep it simple. Because, during the first 10 seconds, simplicity is all anyone is looking for.
Pickup lines are a great example. Many guys worry about delivering an opening line that
no one has ever heard before. You try so hard to be funny, memorable, and confident,
but those lines almost always fall flat. On the other hand, countless men find success
with simple introductions, like, “Hi, how are you?” or “Do you mind if I sit here?” Why does
this work? Because people aren’t expecting the world from you. In the first ten seconds, they
aren’t asking for outliers or extremes. They’re looking for someone who checks their boxes,
doesn’t try too hard, and knows who they are. To take advantage of the 10 second rule,
be a version of yourself that you are happy with. Don’t change yourself into something you’re not.
Don’t manipulate other people’s perspective of you. Instead, try your best to look and
feel like an accurate representation of who you are. Because ultimately that’s all you can be.
If you present a version of yourself that makes you happy and you don’t check their boxes,
there’s really nothing you can do. But you may discover, when it comes to attraction,
less is often more. Playing it simple can is often the quickest route to romantic success.
Of course, keeping it simple doesn’t guarantee your first 10 seconds go smoothly every time.
There’s so much trial and error in this process that you’re bound to fail some time or not.
Luckily, there are variables that influence how often your first
impressions land the way you want. Context, for example, completely changes
the way people perceive you. Some people make great impressions in quiet places, like parks and
coffee shops, but terrible impressions at parties and social events. It’s important to understand
which environments cater to your strengths and which environments throw you off your game.
This may sound complicated, but it’s easy to figure out where you make the best
impressions. Simply ask yourself, “where do I feel the most comfortable?” When you’re in
your element, doing something that makes you feel calm and confident, your attractiveness
skyrockets. Your confidence becomes obvious to everyone you meet, drawing people to you
and making you a more attractive individual. The opposite is true of unfamiliar, uncomfortable
environments. If you dislike parties, for example, it’s difficult to hide how uncomfortable you are.
People will notice your insecurity. They may feel like you’re trying too hard.
So, they won’t see the same attractive qualities. We’ve covered a lot of information in this video,
so let’s review. The first 10 seconds of an interaction can make or break your connection.
During those 10 seconds, we make all kinds of judgments, assumptions, and decisions,
which predict our romantic successes and our failures. But the best way to improve your chances
isn’t to change your identity. Instead, keep it simple. Be someone that honestly represents who
you are. Go places that capture what you like. Because ultimately, the first 10 seconds are a
rapid success of inaccurate and unreliable decisions, which can be wrong around 70% of
the time. Instead of catering to other people’s preferences, cater to your own. Be someone you
like, and other people will like you back. Thank you for watching TopThink,
and be sure to subscribe, because more incredible content is on the way.