Hello underachievers!
Before we get into the video,
I just want to let you guys know
that I am touring the UK in September!
Here's a little clip of what that looks like.
But yeah, there are tickets available in the description,
but I don't know how long they'll be available for,
because they are selling quick!
So yeah, if you just want to have a fun time,
buy a ticket!
So I am gay.
I'm not.
Not really gay.
I'm mostly gay.
You could say I'm double gay.
That was a joke about being trans.
Either way,
I like men
and I saw this on Reddit:
"Straight males of Reddit,
"what is the gayest thing you've ever done?"
And I thought that was fun.
I enjoy hearing about these stories.
Not in a gay way, just in an interested way.
Interested bisexual way.
But yeah, I thought it'd be fun to read out the answers
to what is the gayest thing these straight guys has ever done,
because it's just fun.
And you will enjoy it.
So, let's go.
"I let my friend kiss me.
"He came from a really religious household
"and was finally realizing that he was gay.
"He asked if he could kiss me to see if it felt different
"than kissing a girl.
"He is my friend and I'd kiss people in theater
"so I kind of figured 'eh, why not?' "
I know that being a theater kid is like a "gay thing",
but he's kissed people in theater,
does that mean he's kissed other boys?
I feel like no, I feel like that's not the same thing, but okay.
"After the kiss,
"which included more tongue than I expected,
"which was any--"
I was gonna say,
if this was an agreement that I had made with my friend,
I would not be expecting tongue.
I was expecting a little peck.
"He pulled back and said,
" 'thanks!'
"And then immediately,
" 'Aw, [ ], I'm definitely gay' ".
This is interesting,
how people find out about their sexuality,
because I knew I was into guys before I ever kissed a guy.
I guess it's more confusing
if you're raised a guy and everyone tells people
they should be straight and you think you should like women...
I don't know!
Does that mean he fancies him?
I don't know, that seems like a cute friend.
That's a nice thing to do, straight boy.
Having a little gay kiss.
"I've always wanted to be pegged by a woman
"while [ ] another woman".
That's not gay.
I don't know why pegging has come up so much recently in my last few videos,
but being pegged by a woman as a man is not gay.
Having something up your butthole, that's not gay.
Because being gay is being a guy and doing stuff with guys
and liking guys.
Having a woman, put something up there,
that's not gay.
It's not gay, but anyway.
So this guy's always wanted to be pegged by a woman
while [ ] another woman.
"Well. That fantasy hasn't played out to this day.
"But what did happen once is that I had a, otherwise hetero style,
"threesome with my wife and guy".
"Otherwise hetero style"?
I don't know what does that mean.
He didn't touch the girl? I don't know how that works.
"He was young, fit, soft featured and bi.
So, it's a twink.
You had sex with a twink.
"My wife was sitting on his face and I, in the heat of the moment,
"I got a whim of inspiration.
"I sat on his [ ]".
This is going to be censored.
I don't like that word.
[ ].
Then I grabbed my wife's hips, pulled her back
"and started [ ] her doggy style.
"His [ ] went in and out of my ass as I humped my wife.
"It was mind-blowing pleasure.
"Even better than what I had fantasized".
I did not--
Okay, this is not--
I didn't read this Reddit before I opened the video.
This is not what I thought it would be.
"It was mind-blowing pleasure.
"Even better than what I had fantasized.
"I only lasted a few minutes
"and had one of the most intense orgasms I have ever experienced in my life.
"I'm still not into men--"
In brackets, "straight".
"But if the circumstances/chemistry were right I'd do it again".
I can't make a judgment on your sexuality.
Seems like you're a little curious!
I feel like you cannot credit only inspiration
for seeing a guy's erect penis and thinking,
"ah, I'm just gonna sit on that".
Good for you, I'm glad you had the best night of your life.
I'm very happy for you.
"I sucked a [ ] once, just to see".
I admire that.
"It was alright.
"Didn't make me want to do it exclusively though".
Someone said:
"Not exclusive?
"You mean like you'd pair it with wine or something?"
This is also interesting to me,
because I feel like sucking a [ ]...
There's a certain amount of effort required to do the job,
to get that done.
You know, unless it was very small,
unless it's very small, but that's...
You know, if you're not into guys...
I would assume that that wasn't fun or enjoyable?
Maybe you just have like,
I don't know, you like the sensory feeling of something in your mouth,
you got that oral fixation thing...?
I don't know, I want to put rocks in my mouth sometimes.
"I recently bought a house with my mate,
"and we had a small housewarming with just one other mate".
Okay, so there's three of you.
"We were drinking a lot
"and at about 3 AM my mate disappeared for 10 minutes
"and came back and out of nowhere said:
" 'The bath is ready boys'.
"So naturally, we then all hastened to get naked
"and we shared a bottle of champagne in the bath to celebrate our new house.
"It was a great way to end the evening".
That sounds fun!
That sounds really fun!
This is nothing gay about a little bath with your buddies.
Someone said:
"I got a [ ] while reading some of these comments.
"That's pretty gay".
"Edit: Gay men of Reddit,
"please stop messaging me, I don't want to be turned".
Oh, my God...
"I was a medic in the army.
"First day at my unit,
"a guy walked in, whipped his [ ] out,
"and asked if it looked infected to me.
"We've been best friends ever since and my son's named after him".
Yeah, cool.
Okay.
This guy said he had a dude suck whipped cream off the tip of his [ ].
I read one of these.
I read one of these Reddit threads,
I saw one comment and it was not like this at all.
That's pretty gay!
This guy says:
"There used to be a game where you'd put your hand on another guy's knee
"and slowly move it toward their groin
"until one of you chickened out".
I never lost.
He's just out grabbing [ ].
Alright!
"I sent a gay dude a few shirtless flex pics of myself-
"I already had on my Myspace at the time
"and left him a 30 second long video message basically berating him.
"His thing I guess is straight dudes demeaning him.
"Easiest 80 dollars I ever made".
That's so fair!
I once had-- Not once, several times.
Had a guy message me saying that he had a financial draining kink,
as in he wanted to be financially drained.
He wanted to send me all of his money and then bully him
and be mean to him.
And my friends told me to do it, but I felt way too guilty about it.
It's not my vibe.
And I feel like, maybe it's just like, not a healthy thing to do,
to take a guy's money.
For 80 dollars...
That's fine.
Good for you.
I hope you had a good time.
"Anyone ever heard of the game 'Gay Chicken'?"
I have.
"Two straight guys slowly lean towards each other
"as if a kiss is about to occur.
"First one to back out loses.
"Pretty simple, dumb, raised in South Carolina,
"high-school boy game.
"Well, momma didn't raise no quitter
"and I'm pretty damn comfortable in my sexuality,
"so I'd win whenever challenged...
"Had the right technique for closing eyes and tilting my head
"for nose-avoidance at the right times to make it believable.
"One day, I was challenged by a fellow senior,
"who unbeknownst to me, was in the closet".
Okay, right.
"So I approach it with my usual gusto, and he doesn't back down.
"Our lips meet.
"We stay there for about two seconds and I think,
" 'hey, if I open my lips like I will kiss, he'll back down'.
"Nay. He did not.
Nay.
"He shot his tongue right into my mouth".
That is where I'm back out.
"I took the L, but told him I respected his game!
"Years later at a commitment ceremony between his partner and him,
"I got credited with being his first gay kiss...
"So that's kind of cool that I didn't turn him off men forever
"and make him hopelessly confused I suppose".
Imagine if like, one bad kiss made you think that your sexuality was just wrong.
Because my first kiss that involved tongue
made me terrified of kissing for years.
I was terrified, it was so bad.
It didn't make me think I didn't like men, though.
So this is the one that I have seen
and this is what I was expecting the video to go like, so:
"One of my best friends is gay.
"He refers to this as a 'no homo bro cuddle':
"I went to his house and stayed the night and we slept in the same bed.
"Completely non-sexual but we did spoon".
In brackets, this guy was big spoon.
Alright, you're the dumb.
You're the big boy.
"Reason being his dad had recently died
"and he had been sleeping poorly since because he lives alone.
"Said he just needed someone to cuddle with for comfort
"so he get a good night's sleep.
"His love life is in shambles, so he didn't want another gay man,
"because he knew they were just trying to [ ] him as part of the deal.
"So I obliged and he slept well for the first time since the funeral.
"It was pretty good to spoon with a gay man in his bed overnight.
"But I don't regret it".
See, that's where I thought this video was going.
I spoon all my friends.
We all spoon as not gay.
Sometimes it is.
Most of the time it's not.
And this is cute!
This is a nice thing to do for your friend if they feel bad.
"If you saw me and my best friend, you'd probably just think we were gay.
"Hell, our wives do, lol.
"I've kissed him on the lips.
"We're constantly running into each other's arms
"from long distances into a warm embrace.
"We say love you to each other.
"We're constantly excusing ourselves from crowds at parties
"to go wrestle in the front lawn as well.
"I pretty much am gay for that man".
Right, so you kissed him on the lips.
I've done that with lots of my friends, but I, maybe that's gay.
"We're constantly running into each other's arms
"from long distances into a warm embrace".
That's cute.
"We say love you to each other".
That's not gay.
Loving a homie is not okay.
"We're constantly excusing ourselves from crowds at parties
"to go wrestle on the front lawn as well".
I mean, not gay.
I love good wrestle!
But I am gay, so maybe you are gay.
"Went with three gay friends to a dive gay bar,
"with gay [ ] videos playing on screens,
"a nude live dancer, that kind of bar".
I went to my first one of those recently!
I didn't realize it was gonna be like that.
We were just like, "oh, let's go out,
"let's go for a night out!"
And we got in and there were just big TVs with gay porn playing.
It was really-- It was fun.
Very unexpected, anyway.
"Had a [ ] blast.
"Got drunk,
"got hit on (flattered)
"danced as if I wasn't straight..."
Don't know what that means!
"But my gay friends who I went with
were horrified about how skeevy the place was...
"They told me 'you can never tell anyone we came here, never!'
"Like, I was a straight one, but I was cool with it.
"What's up with that?
"Great time, though".
I'm glad you had a good experience.
"I stayed in a London hostel.
"Late at night I sat on a couch, just working on my laptop.
"Couple hours later, a guy sits down next to me.
"We get into talking and he tells me that he can't sleep
"because some guys in his room were talking about sex
"and he got too horny and couldn't relax".
Right.
"I really didn't give a [ ] and just kept working.
"He was overall a pretty nice guy,
"but all of a sudden he takes out his phone and asks me if I mind.
"Having no idea what he's going for, I say I don't.
"He opens [ ] and starts jacking off the gay porn".
I would not say that was informed consent.
If he didn't say what you were minding...
"The situation was so surreal that I didn't know what to do,
"so I just sat there and waited it out.
"In between, he told me that it really turned him on
that I was there, even if I didn't do anything.
"After he finished, we kept talking like nothing happened.
"Really cool dude other than that.
"Changed jobs because he was so amazed by the [ ] he did
"for a living that I wanted to try myself".
Right...!
Somebody asked what he did for a living?
And the guy says:
"Visits hotels, jerk off in common areas and then write reviews on Yelp".
That is a job!
So this guy says he:
"Made out with a close friend when he came out to me as gay.
"He wasn't really sure how I would respond
"when he told me he thought I was attractive.
"I didn't know how I was going to respond either.
"He decided to just go for it and kiss me.
"Honestly, best make-out session I had.
"Every girl I made out lacked the passion he did,
"never made out with him again".
That's gay!
So, he says:
"Hey, guys!
"Funny enough I texted him about the posts I made,
"sent in the screenshots.
"He said we should kiss again.
"I went to his house,
"we made out for like 15 minutes and basically agreed
"that there was no spark, but we're good kissers.
"It was kind of weird at first given the situation,
"but it felt natural.
"So I guess I'm just bi that prefers females.
"So thanks Reddit, much appreciate the help".
That's really cute!
Right, last one:
"When I was a teenager me and my five friends were alone in the dorms
while everybody else went on break.
"My four friends decided that it would be so fun to have a [ ] contest
"to see who can come the fastest.
"I said hell no, and became the officiator.
"They all went to separate corners of the room
"and readied the [ ] in their phones.
"When I shout 'go' they start jerking off simultaneously
"and the losers have to pay the winner's dinner".
I don't think this is that uncommon,
because I've heard stories from boarding school
where there's this thing called "gay biscuit",
where you jerk off onto a biscuit
and whoever comes last has to eat the biscuit.
Have you heard of that?
Anyway!
That's the end of the video!
Hope you enjoyed it!
It was really...
Not what I was expecting.
And maybe I should read these things before reacting to them, but yeah.
Have a good day or don't.
See you later losers!
Goodbye.
Big punch.