It's like that time I said 'Do you like my house?'
When we first met and you were like ' oh, oh I do like your arse, yes'
Yeah, I did like your arse, yes, it's very nice, thanks
House
Arse
Say house
Do you like my house? My house!
House
House, not House, not everything has to be said with a smile
That's not true
House
Everything is said better with a smile
Best, worst Christmas present
I mean like, worst is like, because it has to be like, bad enough that it's memorable
Yeah
There's lots of really bad presents, like a book that you didn't really want
Nail varnish, when I don't paint my nails is quite common
She's got no nails
So, worst, it has to be like something... yeah J: Really bad.
Yeah J: So it has to be pretty bad, really bad
I would say, I'm not sure if it was my birthday or Christmas,
But I'm going to say it anyway, because my birthday's quite near to Christmas
I got this doll, erm, it was like, i can't remember what it was called, but it was
It was like a really big doll
A life sized kind of thing?
Well, it's probably about this big now to me, but I was like five years old, it was like huge, it was half the size of me
And it was really scary, like Mum and Dad bought it for me and it was actually because my sister wanted it
We were all sat on the bed and we opened it together, and I was just like...
Juno was like 'Yay!!!!'
Wait, did you get matching dolls?
Or one doll to play with together?
It was my birthday, Juno chose the doll for me
Because she wanted it
Yeah, because she was like a bit older and she was like 'I think Claudia would really like that dolly Mummy'
And then I was like 'Arrggghhh I don't like it arrrggghhh'
I was actually really scared of it
And Juno was like 'Oh, well I really like it'
And then my mum was like, 'Claudia obviously doesn't so we'll take it back to the shop'
Juno says that she was really upset because she was quite sad because she wanted the doll
That wasn't really the worst present, but I think it's probably the only present that I've received and actually looked at in absolute terror
and burst into tears
My other, my actual worst, not worst Christmas present but..
I got some insects that you could eat, that was a bit wierd, but actuall quite cool in a wierd way, but I didn't eat them.
There was like, erm, eau de toilette of natural smells
Like manure?
Or grass was one
Who wants to smell like grass?
Grass was one.
Like those gel pens that are supposed to smell like natural stuff, but they smell disgusting
I think mud was another one
I have to say, my worst was about that age as well
I was about thirteen, I think i was either twelve or thirteen
And you know that kind of age where you're really becoming a teenage girl
And what you really want, if you're me, obviously, not you, nail varnish, make up, clothes
Or books about history, because, you know, we all have layers
Erm, but no, the present I got given, and it was really bad because I think she meant it in a really loving way
was from one of my aunts, she gave me this incredibly heavy box
And it was like, Jessica, I feel now that you are twelve/thirteen, you are old enough
To fully appreciate and look after this gift
And treasure it for what it is
I was like whoah! C:What is it
This is a deeply deeply symbolic, significant moment here C: Yeah, family heirloom
Passing from the matriarch of my family down to me
And what was it?
Oh my gosh! And I opened up the box, and what was it?
A bloody fossil
Fossils? Have I ever declared an interest in such? No.
A twelve year old girl, I got given edible insects and eau de toilette of natural smells, I was like, err, bit wierd but okay
A bit wierd, but kind of went along with who you are, you know?
And what you enjoy
Have I ever liked fossils?
Best presents?
Best present ever, mine's really easy
My best present ever I actually bought for myself
is that allowed?
Yeah, he was my christmas present and I bought him.
It was
Walter!
Best Christmas present. I was like, Mother, I'm going to get myself a dog
So, i got myself a dog, and brought him back and I was like I have a puppy now
But also I'm really ill
So we went and bought another one
What's your best christmas present then?
You weren't at Christmas time. I met you in summer
Im a present every day
I will tell you one of my best presents, as I remember it,
Was my skateboard
Because like, I really wanted a skateboard. I probably went on.
When I really want something I go on and on and on about it
yeah, you do
And I like research to the death
She researches hard.
Yeah, I think I must have made some subtle remarks about my want of a skateboard to my parents.
But then I thought that it hadn't sunk in and I thought that they wouldn't get it for me
So that was really nice because then I was... a skateboard!!!
Whatever I'm going to give you this year will obviously be your best present ever
What is your best ever christmas present and actually, what's your worst?
Which is far more exciting, let us share in your gloom of disgusting horrible gifts that you have received
And talking of gifts
Who's going to get the awesome giveaway that we are giving this year?
Because christmas is all about giving etc etc
And Jesus
And Jesus, but we're super inclusive so it would be open to even Jesus, you could still get given this gift
Super inclusive, that's what lesbians do.