Hello, everyone.
It's Chelsea.
And before we get into this week's video,
I wanted to let you guys know about an exciting new thing
we're doing at TFD.
It's called The Studio at TFD.
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around all sorts of topics, from money management
to mental health to organization to entrepreneurship
and everything in between.
We've got several amazing events coming up.
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at TheFinancialDiet.com/studio.
See you guys there.
Hey, guys.
It's Chelsea from The Financial Diet.
And this week's video is sponsored by Aspiration.
And today, I wanted to talk about the things that you are
probably doing in life that you might feel a little bit guilty
about, but totally shouldn't.
These are the sorts of life choices and habits
that can be a little hard to develop because sometimes, they
involve saying no or doing things differently
than people are used to you doing them.
But a lot of them are part of growing up and making
better choices generally.
So they're things that you should
learn to have a sense of confidence about
and a sense of, hey, listen, even if some people
are a little mad at me for this, I know it's right for me,
or maybe they're not mad.
Maybe they just feel judgmental toward your choice
or you feel self-conscious about it
because you imagine other people might be judging them.
Ultimately, in all of these cases, what's important
is remembering that you are the person who
has to live with you.
You have to go to bed as you every night and wake
up as you every morning.
So ultimately, only what works for your life
and feels right for your choices is what matters.
But in case you needed the reminder,
here are seven grown-up choices that you should
stop feeling guilty about.
Number 1 is having a career in a different field
than you went to school for.
Now, this one is, obviously, more
on the judgment side of things.
It can be easy to feel self-conscious
that you're working a job that doesn't necessarily
align with what you got a degree in or maybe doesn't even
utilize your degree at all.
Not only does it feel like you're not living up
to the unspoken promise of your college education,
but it also could make you feel like, well,
what's wrong with me that I wasn't
able to land a job that maybe other people in my field
are able to land.
But not only is, frankly, having any job
in this economy a huge accomplishment
and what other people think about that job really shouldn't
matter, it's actually extremely common
to end up in a career path that has
little or nothing to do with what you went to school for.
In fact, a study from the Federal Reserve Bank
of New York found that only 27% of college graduates
work in a field close to their major.
So quite frankly, if you're doing something
that isn't what you went to school for,
you're more the norm than the exception.
But it's also important to remember at the end of the day
the person who was actually making the choice of what
you went to college for, a.k.a.
dumb-ass 18-year-old you, in most cases--
few 18-year-olds are really equipped
to understand not only what they might
want to do for the rest of their lives every day,
but also what would be the most expedient way to get there.
In fact, you might have majored in something
that you assumed would help you get the kind of job you want.
But you were 18 and kind of dumb and didn't really think it
through.
For example, there are many more creative fields where
the actual more important things to learn are business skills
that you'll utilize when working in these companies.
At the end of the day, for many jobs,
just having a college degree is what
is required for entry or consideration.
And what that degree is actually in is less important.
But even if you're in a career that
didn't require your degree at all,
consider yourself lucky that you found a job.
And don't be hung up on how close it is
to what you happen to major in.
Number 2 is not doing enough to save the planet.
When it comes to being eco-friendly,
we put a lot of undue pressure on individual choices.
And while there are things we can all
do at an individual level that can make a collective impact--
things like taking public transport over driving--
also, walking is good-- reducing waste, recycling, composting,
et cetera--
a lot of these choices inherently
require a level of privilege.
It can be easy to feel shamed for not doing enough or not
doing things correctly and easy to forget
that what we consider as universally available
to everyone may not be.
Not everyone can just up and move
to a city with great public transportation infrastructure
or trade in their gas guzzler for a nice electric car
or eat only food that's locally grown and organic.
And besides, over 70% of greenhouse gas emissions
come from just 100 companies.
And for any of those companies to change their practices,
we need policy changes, not individual choices.
So while we should all be doing what we can,
we should stop feeling guilty that we're
not living our lives perfectly or are opening ourselves
up to judgment or shame and stop shaming each other.
Rather, we should be supporting companies
that are doing things right.
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Number 3, saying no to social engagements-- now, listen.
We are currently in an era where saying no to social engagements
is more the norm than the exception.
And no one really has to feel guilty about not going
to that party where people are playing beer pong in a frickin'
pandemic.
What is wrong with you people?
Beer pong is gross even in normal times.
But we will eventually return to a more normal social setting.
And it can still be awkward to say no to certain engagements
now.
But one of the biggest grown-up moves we all need to be making
is getting to a place where we are comfortable curating
the social life that works for us and for our budgets
without feeling guilty, pressured, judged, or shamed.
At a certain point, we all sort of come to the realization
that any time spent at a social activity
that you are not thoroughly enjoying
is a waste of time and, in many cases, a waste of money.
And beyond just the engagements themselves,
it's important as we get older and start
to curate a more grown-up life that we
become comfortable with the idea that not everyone is a friend.
Some people are acquaintances.
Some people are people for whom you
don't have to be dedicating a lot of time and social space.
It can feel difficult or maybe even
mean to make that category in your head of,
these are the people for whom I would
travel for a special event or make time
to see them while everyone's socially distancing
or go on a trip with them or spend my hard-earned money
at a restaurant with them.
We can't put everyone in these categories
because, quite simply, there's just not
enough time in the day or money in our bank accounts.
But it can feel hard, especially if you've had friends
for a long time who are still in your life
or if you live in a big city where you constantly
have the ability to see lots of people
if you want to, to really start narrowing down
who these people are.
But there's nothing mean or callous about being realistic
about certain people being good friends
and certain people being more social
acquaintances for whom you just don't have to dedicate
the same amount of time.
It's the grown-up choice and not something
you need to feel guilty about.
Number 4 is prioritizing your personal life
over a "dream job."
A lot of us have internalized this idea
that going after a "dream job" is the only way
to live a fulfilling and empowered adult life.
But this just simply isn't true or even fair
because, let's be clear, not everyone
can have their "dream job."
The world can simply not sustain that many dessert
taste testers.
But this framing is also predicated on the assumption
that what we do for our professional work
is going to ultimately have the biggest impact on the life
that we're living and how good or fulfilled we feel in it.
But research shows that the biggest factor in our happiness
is actually not in our professional lives,
but in our relationships.
According to the Federal Health Resources and Services
Administration, 40% of Americans say
that they "sometimes or always feel their social relationships
are not meaningful."
And from a purely physical health perspective,
researchers say that loneliness is as bad for you
as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
Now, it's probably not a one-to-one ratio
that most people feel unfulfilled
in their personal lives because they're putting too much focus
on their professional lives.
But I would argue that those things are likely quite linked.
We talk so much about the job you're working
and how successful you are in it and going after that dream job
and getting that corner office and very little about curating
personal relationships that will sustain us
through our whole lives, no matter what job we have.
And as I mentioned in the previous point,
even if we have a lot of people around us,
if those relationships are not deep and meaningful and
valuable to us, we can end up feeling just as lonely
as if we had no one.
So yes, making sure that you're curating the relationships that
will sustain and fulfill you is an extremely important part
of making adult choices.
But also remembering not to let your professional life consume
all of your personal time--
answering emails late at night, working on the weekends,
constantly be thinking about work
when you're at social activities-- there's
an immense pressure and an inherent judgment
in not focusing enough on the right career
or even having a "career" rather than "just a job."
But this social pressure is inane
and doesn't leave us happy.
And it's not just in friendships that we can
find that social connection.
Things like volunteering or joining community organizations
can be a great way to give that sense of interconnectedness
and meaning to your social and personal lives
without necessarily having to start brand
new friendships from zero.
And who knows?
You might make some friends doing it.
The point is, though, the more we
look to our professional lives as the source
of our fulfillment, the more we'll probably
be left feeling unfulfilled.
Number 5 is whether or not you live in a desirable big city.
Movies, TV, and media generally have perpetuated an idea,
intentionally or not, that you can only really live
that amazing, realized, fulfilling young adult
life if you're living in a handful of--
I hate to say it, but-- extremely expensive
and exclusionary cities--
New York, Los Angeles, San Francisco, Chicago, et cetera.
But not only are these places not the only place
in which you can find valuable opportunities or a great life,
they also, in many cases, come with a huge trade-off.
According to data gathered by the Council for Community
and Economic Research, as of 2019,
three different burrows in NYC made
the list of the top 15 most expensive places
to live in the US.
The cost of living in Manhattan, still the most expensive place
to live in the US based on this data,
is 142.5% above US average.
And the poverty rate is 16.3%.
And keep in mind that this is a pre-COVID percentage.
And the median household income in Manhattan is $79,781.
But adjusted for cost of living, that's
the equivalent of $32,899 elsewhere,
which is wildly low when you consider
that the median price of buying a home in Manhattan
is over $2 million.
Now, for some of us, myself included--
I live in Manhattan-- the trade-off can be worth it.
And you can build a life in these cities
that is right for you.
But the idea that you can only build
lives that are worth having in these handful of really
expensive cities closes off so much important opportunity
elsewhere.
A higher quality of life with a lower income
is a reality in so many areas outside of these cities
or even in other cities that are just not
as densely packed and expensive to live in.
It's important that we tune out this narrative
from the media that these are the only cities that
matter and start to think from a point of neutrality
about what are the qualities in our lifestyle
that are important to us.
Does it matter that we live in a place
with great public transportation?
Does it matter that we have a large home, an outdoor space?
Does it matter that we're close to family
members or certain friends?
Do we want to be near the beach, near the mountains,
near the woods?
All of these questions should be considered on their own terms.
And often, when we think about what drew us to certain places
in the first place, it wasn't really
an active series of choices and weighing different options.
It was something like going to school there or moving there
for a specific job that we may no longer have.
It's easy to get into a sense of familiarity, which can be
compounded by media narratives.
But where you build a life should be entirely about you.
And the judgment should be tuned out.
Number 6, that you waited too long
to start investing or saving for retirement--
it's really easy to see those headlines
about "you should have x saved by 30"
or "the average 30-year-old has x amount" or "in order
to retire, you need to do x per year."
And when you see them, it's easy to feel like you're totally
behind the curve or have missed your opportunity
or have irreparably messed up your financial life.
And this is doubly unfair when you consider the disadvantages
that millennials and Gen Z are working with
compared to previous generations when it comes to building
their financial future.
After all, millennials have about $36,000 of student debt
on average.
And yes, starting investing as early as possible,
particularly for retirement, is very, very important.
But as our friend and investing expert, Amanda Holden,
likes to say, the best day to start investing was yesterday.
The second best day is today.
So as soon as you feel that pang of guilt
that you didn't start earlier, use
that to channel into starting ASAP and being
aggressive to make up for lost time because, remember,
you don't have to automatically start maxing out your IRA
or 401(k) for investing to be worth it.
If you save $250 a month in today's dollars
and earn a 7% rate of return over 30 years,
you will end up with over $372,000.
And that's such an important calculation
to make when you're thinking about what
investing could represent.
If you're thinking about just $100 or $200 a month,
it doesn't feel like a lot.
You have to take into account compounding interest as well
as the time horizon.
Suddenly, that money will seem so much more valuable to you.
And you will find additional motivation
to make ways to save it.
It is simply never too late to start investing.
Number 7 is not wanting a romantic relationship.
Now, as we discussed, healthy and fulfilling relationships
are key to long-term happiness.
But that doesn't necessarily have
to translate to an intimate romantic partner or spouse,
especially not right this minute,
if that's not the place you are in life.
In fact, single people are often better
at maintaining long-term platonic relationships
than their married counterparts.
Through their research, sociologist Naomi Gerstel
and Natalia Sarkisian have found that "single people are
most likely to socialize with their neighbors
and their friends at least several times a month.
They're most likely to see their parents at least once a week.
They ranked first in giving friends, neighbors, co-workers,
siblings, and parents advice, encouragement,
and moral or emotional support.
They help with shopping, errands, or transportation,
help with housework, yard work, car repairs, or other work
around the house.
They also help with childcare and receiving comparable help
from them."
And this was true when they looked
at all single and married people across races
and social classes.
So the pressure a lot of us feel to be coupled up
at a certain age, even if that's not
what we're looking for right now or we just
don't feel that we found the right person,
can sometimes lead us into getting
into the wrong relationships because we feel like, well, I'm
a certain age, people are judging me,
even if the grown-up choice might be to remain single
indefinitely until you find a situation that's actually
right for you.
And if you do happen to be pressured
into a romantic relationship or commitment because
of social pressures, even if it's not
what you really would have looked for,
that can have hugely negative long-term impacts.
Being in a bad marriage can have negative effects
on your health.
Researchers at the Universities of Nevada and Michigan
monitored 373 heterosexual couples to investigate whether
disagreeing about multiple topics, such as children,
money, in-laws, and leisure activities,
had negative health implications, and-- surprise,
surprise--
they did.
At the end of the day, having a solid romantic relationship
in your life can be hugely additive not just emotionally,
but financially.
Life is easier with two.
But not only is it not the only way to have great relationships
in your life, there is no guarantee
that being in a romantic relationship
is going to necessarily imply that it is
a good romantic relationship.
So tuning out the noise about when
you need to be coupled up or married, when you need
to be having kids, if at all, and those big life choices
is crucial to making the decision that
is right for you, which is truly the grown-up thing
to do and nothing to feel guilty about.
And if you're ready to make a truly grown-up choice,
click the link in our description
to sign up with Aspiration today and get
an exclusive $100 sign-up bonus for starting an account.
As always, guys, thank you for watching.
And don't forget to hit the Subscribe button
and to come back every Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday
for new and awesome videos.
Goodbye.