*piano*
WOMAN: Don't you just kinda wanna squeeze it? MAN: Absolutely.
You know whenever I see something cute in front of me, I kind of just imagine myself, like *yelp*. Yeah, that's why I can't hold babies.
Hey guys, I'll be right back. Watch the bunny?
WOMAN: Or you know that thing when you're walking down the sidewalk and a bus is coming?
MAN: And you just feel like your body is just going to take over and just fling yourself into the street? WOMAN: Yeah, kablewie. MAN: Yeah, absolutely.
Or like, sometimes, when you're with somebody and you don't even have to be pissed off at them or anything, but you're just like... what would happen if I just ...
WOMAN: Punched them in their stupid little fucking face. MAN: Yeah! Or like, just spit, not even because of something said.
They're just like, "Chris, you want a cup of coffee..." SPIT!
Yeah, I get that. I also get that.. cigarettes, I kinda just wanna like, put them out on people. For no reason.
Mine doesn't always have to be negative, though. Sometimes it's just like, what would happen if I kiss this person right now?
WOMAN: Like, not right now. MAN: No, no, not right now. I don't even have to be like, attracted to them. WOMAN: Mm hm.
Ooh! I got another one. Super relatable, kinda fucked up though.
You know, when you like, fantasize about your best friend dying? So you can like, take care of their significant other? MAN: *whispers* If I die, finger Anne.
Noo...
No, yeah, me neither.
Oh! Sometimes, when I'm in a club, or any place with music really, I just like, I feel like I'm going to get into a...
TOGETHER: Dance battle! YEAH!!
But then I'll take it one step further, like, people who have wronged me are there.
MAN: And like, my high school bullies. WOMAN: And like, all my ex-girlfriends. MAN: That guy, who I spit in his face earlier, that guys there.
MAN: I got one that's, uh, kind of a classic. WOMAN: Yeah, totally hit me.
Engineering a situation so that your crush, or your love, is in immense danger and you kinda just have to save the day.
MAN: Cause, ya know, live or die, you're a hero. WOMAN: You're Bruce Willis, yeah. MAN: *whispers* If I die, finger Anne.
ANNE: What are you guys talking about?
WOMAN: Just... Dawson's Creek. MAN: Uhh, just, the origin of uh... WOMAN: The finale.
ANNE: Ohh, don't you just wanna squeeze him?
BOTH: Noo.. WOMAN: Weird... MAN: Psycho...
*whistling and upbeat music*