>> ANGELA MERKEL WAS REELECTED AS CHANCELLOR OF GERMANY FOR A
FOURTH TERM AND IS NOW THE LONGEST SERVING LEADER IN
EUROPE. HERE TO COMMENT IS GERMAN
CHANCELLOR ANGELA MERKEL.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> OH, YEAH, I AM THE WINNER,
YAY! YAY!
>> WAIT, WAIT, ARE YOU HAPPY THAT YOU WON?
>> YES. OF COURSE I'M HAPPY.
IS THAT NOT COMING ACROSS? I HAVE BEEN WORKING ON MY SMILE.
YAY! >> IT LOOKS A LITTLE TORTURED.
>> OKAY. WELL, TO BE HONEST, COLIN PART
OF ME WAS HOPING TO RETIRE EVEN THOUGH THE AVERAGE RETIREMENT
AGE IN GERMANY IS 87, AT WHICH POINT YOU TRANSITION INTO MANUAL
LABOR. ALSO, MY VICTORY WAS BITTER
SWEET BECAUSE THE FAR, FAR RIGHT PARTY WON SEATS IN OUR
PARLIAMENT FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE THE -- YOU KNOW.
>> WHAT WAS THAT? >> YOU KNOW, THE --
>> THE NAZIS. GOT YOU, YEAH.
YEAH, I GOT TO SAY YOU SEEM STRESSED OUT CHANCELLOR.
>> OH, THANK YOU. >> NO, I MEAN I'M WORRIED ABOUT
YOU, I'M WORRIED THAT YOU ARE DEALING WITH A LOT.
>> YEAH, TELL ME ABOUT IT. IT'S LIKE EVERYONE IN EUROPE IS
HAVING A ROWDY SLUMBER PARTY AND I'M THE MEAN MOM WHO HAS TO SEND
THEM TO BED WITHOUT THEIR RADISHES.
>> DO YOU HAVE ANY ALLIES LEFT >> NO ALLIES.
MOSTLY ACTORS THESE DAYS. EXCEPT OH, FOR THAT FRENCH HUNK
MACRON, OOH-LA-LA. GET ME SOME DIAPHRAGMS.
I THINK OF THIS GUY I'M LIKE, OBAMA WHO?
BARACK IS IT WORKING? AM I MAKING YOU JEALOUS?
LEAVE MICHELE. >> OH NO, YOU'RE STILL THAT HUNG
UP ON OBAMA, HUH? >> I KNOW I MUST ACCEPT THAT
IT'S OVER AND MOVE ON. SO, I DECIDED TO GET RID OF
EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE THAT REMINDS ME OF HIM.
THIS LOVE LETTER I WROTE HIM BUT NEVER SENT.
TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN, I RESPECT YOU, TEPID REGARDS,
MERKEL. A MIX CD I MADE YOU BUT WAS TOO
SHY TO GIVE. IT'S A MIX OF ALL THE SONGS BY
CREED. A PICTURE OF US AT THE G20
SUMMIT. I WAS COLD AND YOU LET ME BORROW
YOUR JACKET. TURNS OUT WE WERE WEARING THE
SAME SUIT. I HAD TO STOP FOLLOWING HIM ON
SOCIAL MEDIA SO I WOULDN'T BE TEMPTED THE SLIDE INTO HIS DMs.
ONE NIGHT I HAD ONE TOO MANY SHOTS, ONE.
AND I SENT HIM A PICTURE OF MY BARE KNEE.
HE WROTE BACK, IS THAT A PEELED POTATO?
[ LAUGHTER ] >> WOW.
IT REALLY MUST BE HARD TO GO FROM OBAMA TO TRUMP.
AND I ALSO HEARD THAT TRUMP WAITED FOUR DAYS BEFORE HE
CALLED YOU TO SAY CONGRATS. >> FOUR DAYS.
FOUR DAYS, HE WAITS. WHICH IN GERMANY IS LIKE
20 BUSINESS DAYS. FINALLY I SENT HIM A TINY
E-MAIL, I WAS LIKE ARE YOU GOING SAY ANYTHING?
AND HE WAS LIKE OH, SORRY, JUST SAW THIS, DIDN'T HAVE MY PHONE.
AND I WAS LIKE, THAT FEELING WHEN HE DOESN'T TEXT YOU BACK,
BUT YOU SEE HIM TWEETING. >> I THINK YOU NEED TO TAKE SOME
TIME AFTER YOUR VICTORY TO RELAX.
HALLOWEEN IS RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER.
>>> ALREADY KNOW WHAT MY SFOOUM WILL BE.
I WILL BE GOING A SLUTTY ANGELA MERKEL.
THAT'S ME, BUT WITH A HAT.