IN THE REPTILE KINGDOM, IGUANAS ARE KING.
BUT THE BIG QUESTION IS, DO THEY HAVE --
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
I'M SORRY, SIR.
ARE YOU LOST?
>> NO, TREVOR, WAIT!
IT'S ME!
TREVOR!
IT'S ME!
>> Trevor: PAPA?!
NO!
(LAUGHTER)
IT'S ME!
>> Trevor: IT'S JON STEWART, EVERYBODY!
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
OH, WOW!
IT'S JON STEWART!
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
OH!
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!
THIS IS AWESOME!
OH, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT -- (BLEEP).
ARE YOU HERE TO TAKE THE SHOW BACK?
OH, MAN, I HEARD ABOUT THIS IN AMERICAN TV!
ARE YOU TAKING THE SHOW BACK?
>> NO, TRUST ME!
TRUST ME!
A THOUSAND TIMES NO!
ACTUALLY, I HAVE THIS ISSUE, I CARE ABOUT IT VERY DEEPLY AND I
WAS WONDERING, I WANT TO GET ATTENTION PAID TO IT, BUT I WAS
REALIZING I DON'T HAVE A SHOW, AND NOBODY GIVES A (BLEEP)
ANYMORE.
SO I THOUGHT, YOU HAVE A SHOW, AND MAYBE I COULD COME AND --
>> Trevor: HEY...
I'M HERE FOR YOU, JON.
MY SHOW IS YOUR SHOW, MY FRIEND.
>> OH!
>> Trevor: YEAH!
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
WHAT DO DO YOU NEED?
>> LET ME JUST --
>> Trevor: NO, I'M NOT GONNA --
>> I UNDERSTAND.
THAT'S GOOD.
SO BACK IN 2010, OKAY, AFTER FAR MORE LOBBYING THAN SHOULD HAVE
EVER BEEN NECESSARY, CONGRESS PASSED WHAT WAS CALLED THE
ZADROGA ACT, HEALTHCARE FOR 9/11 FIRST RESPONDERS WORKING AT
GROUND ZERO AFTER THE GOVERNMENT TOLD THEM IT WAS SAFE
BUT IT GAVE THEM CANCER.
>> Trevor: SO HAD TO CELEBRATE THE ANNIVERSARY?
>> NO, THEY FUNDED THE ACT FIVE YEARS.
THEY WANTED TO MAKE SURE THE PROGRAM WOULDN'T HAVE PEOPLE WHO
WOULD TRY TO CHEAT IT AND YOU COULD SCIENTIFICALLY PROVE A
LINK BETWEEN THE RESPONDERS HORRIBLE DISEASES AND TOXIC AIR
THEY WERE BREATHING DAY IN AND DAY OUT WORKING AT GROUND ZERO.
>> Trevor: AND YOU'RE HERE BECAUSE THEY COULDN'T PROVE THE
LINK?
>> NO, THEY PROVED THE LINK.
>> Trevor: I SEE, BUT THERE WAS A LOT OF FRAUD.
>> THERE WAS NO FRAUD.
>> Trevor: SO NO REASON TO NOT RENEW IT PERMANENTLY.
>> YOU'RE NOT FROM AROUND HERE, ARE YOU?
OF COURSE THERE WAS NO REASON NOT TO RENEW IT PERMANENTLY, BUT
THEY DID NOT RENEW IT WIN ANYWAY!
IT EXPIRED IN SEPTEMBER, SOON TO BE OUT OF MONEY, MANY FIRST
RESPONDERS, SICK WITH CANCER, PULMONARY DISEASE, HAD TO TRAVEL
AT THEIR EXPENSE TO WASHINGTON, D.C. HUNDREDS OF
TIMES TO PLEAD FOR OUR GOVERNMENT TO DO THE RIGHT
THING.
PLEAD!
>> Trevor: SO YOU'RE HERE TO TELL US ONCE CONGRESS SAW THE
FIRST RESPONDERS, OBVIOUSLY, THEIR RENEWED VIGOR CAME IN,
THEY RENEWED THE HEALTHCARE FUNDING AND MADE IT PERMANENT,
RIGHT?
>> YOU'RE NOT FROM AROUND HERE...
THEY HAVE NOT DONE THAT.
>> Trevor: THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE, JON STEWART!
>> I KNOW!
THE ONLY CONCLUSION I CAN DRAW IS THAT THE PEOPLE OF CONGRESS
ARE NOT AS GOOD A PEOPLE AS THE PEOPLE WHO ARE FIRST RESPONDERS.
>> Trevor: OH, WELL, JON --
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
-- I DON'T KNOW...
>> THAT'S WHAT I THINK.
>> Trevor: I DON'T KNOW, JOHN, YOU CAN'T SAY THAT BECAUSE HOW
WOULD YOU KNOW?
>> LAST WEEK, I HAD THE DISTINCT HONOR OF ACCOMPANYING SOME OF
THESE HEROS ON ONE OF THEIR MANY TRIPS DOWN TO THE CAPITOL TO SEE
HOW IN GOD'S NAME THIS IS IN ANY WAY A CONTROVERSIAL OR
NON-PRIORITY ISSUE.
IT'S EASY TO TAKE OUR DEMOCRACY FOR GRANTED BUT SEEING IT FIRST
HAND IS TRULY HUMBLING.
I'M HERE IN THE SEANTE RUSSELL BUILDING TO WITNESS THE MAJESTY
OF OUR NATION'S LEGISLATIVE PROCESS.
THE BEAUTY, COMPASSION, INTELLIGENCE -- I'M JUST (BLEEP)
YOU.
I'M HERE TO SEE IF SHAME WORKS.
SAHME -- THE EMOTION YOU MIGHT HAVE IF YOU WERE A SENATOR
WHO TWEETED AFTER 9/11, WE WOULD NOT FORGET OUR HEROS, BUT DID BY
NOT SIGNING ON TO THIS BILL.
WE DECIDED TO HAND-DELIVER THEIR SHAME.
WE'RE GOING TO STOP IN TO RAND PAUL'S OFFICE.
IS HE IN?
>> I DON'T KNOW, THERE MAY HAVE BEEN A BRIEFING.
>> WE WERE WONDERING IF SENATOR JOHNSON IS HOME.
>> I'M NOT SURE.
LET ME CHECK.
>> TRICK OR TREAT, ANYBODY WE COULD SPEAK TO ABOUT THE 9/11
RESPONDER'S BILL SENATOR PORTMAN HAS YET TO SUPPORT?
IS THERE WHO IT WOULD BE APPROPRIATE T BE UPSET WITH?
>> YES, SIR, I WOULD BE HAPPY TO CHECK FOR YOU IF YOU --
>> THANK YOU SO MUCH, I REALLY APPRECIATE IT.
>> WHO CAN I GIVE THIS TO?
WHO CAN I FOLLOW UP WITH?
>> I APPRECIATE IT.
YEAH, SO ACTUALLY WE CAN'T RECORD INSIDE THE OFFICE.
IF WE COULD STEP OUTSIDE.
>> WE CAN RECORD OUT IN THE HALLWAY?
WHY IS THAT YOU CAN'T RECORD IN THE OFFICE, IS IT ACOUSTICS?
>> I BELIEVE HE'S AT A COMMITTEE MEETING.
>> THE BILL HAS BEEN TAKEN OUT AND WE'RE LOST AGAIN AND THESE
ARE -- THESE GUYS ARE ALL DYING SO WE WOULD LIKE TO STOP THAT.
>> NO, I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND.
YOU DON'T WANT IT IN THE SHAME CHAMBER, YOU WANT IT IN
THE SHAME HALLWAY.
>> HERE'S MY CARD.
WE WOULD LOVE TO SET UP A TIME WITH YOU ON CAMERA.
>> THEY'RE LIKE IN MANY WAYS MEERKATS OR PRAIRIE DOGS BUT IF
THEY SENSE DANGER, INFORMATION THEY DON'T LIKE, BOOM, RIGHT
BACK INTO THE HOLE.
IF WE NEED TO WAIT HERE UNTIL HE'S READY, I'M HAPPY TO DO
THAT.
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU KNOW THIS, I DON'T REALLY HAVE A LIFE
ANYMORE.
I'M UNEMPLOYED NOW, SO I'M REALLY AVAILABLE ALL DAY.
>> OKAY.
AND I HAVE YOUR CARD, SO I'LL GET BACK TO OUR SCHEDULER AS
WELL.
>> DIDN'T KNOW THIS COUNTRY WAS KNOWN FOR CRANBERRIES.
>> NUMBER ONE CRANBERRY PRODUCER IN THE STATE, YEAH.
>> SOME PEOPLE GOT MEETINGS.
>> WE'RE NEW ENERGY, HOW ARE YOU?
>> HOW ARE YOU? >> NEW ENERGY.
>> SEE YOU GUYS. WHAT ARE YOU, HAVING A MEETING?
PASSING THE ZADROGA ACT SEEMS LIKE A NO BRAINER!
LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION.
ALL RIGHT, LET'S SEE THERE WAS A MONSTER UNDER YOUR BED OR IN
YOUR CLOSET AND YOU WERE SCARED OF THE MONSTER AND PEOPLE CAME
IN, VERY HELPFUL PEOPLE, FIRST RESPONDERS TO THE MONSTER
SITUATION, AND THEY HELPED GET RID OF THE MONSTER, CLEAN UP
AFTER THE MONSTER FOR MONTHS BUT BECAUSE THEY GOT MONSTER JUICE
ON THEM, GOT SICK.
WOULD YOU HELP THOSE PEOPLE?
>> YES.
>> NO.
>> HOLD ON ONE SECOND.
NO?
YOU WOULD BE A GOOD CONGRESS PERSON.
WOULD YOU GUYS TAKE CARE OF THE PEOPLE?
>> YES.
IT SEEMS OBVIOUS.
SO WHAT I WOULD SAY IS THIS IS OUR SENATOR MCCONNELL -- YOU BE
SENATOR MCCONNELL IN THIS -- AND YOU WOULD BE, UH, NORMAL HUMAN
PEOPLE.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
THANK YOU YOU GUYS FOR LISTENING.
WHAT TIME IS SNACK?
IS IT SOON?
WE CAUGHT UP WITH SENATOR PORTMAN ON HIS WAY FROM VOTING
TO MAKE SURE PEOPLE ON THE TERRORIST WATCH LIST COULD STILL
BUY GUNS.
>> WE'LL LET THEM KNOW I SUPPORT IT.
THE QUESTION IS HOW TO PAY FOR IT.
>> YOU KNOW YOU CAN FIND MONEY WHEN YOU WANT.
SO THAT PAY FOR IT STUFF REALLY DOESN'T REACH -- IT'S NOT
PASSING THE LITMUS TEST WITH ME AT ALL.
>> THAT NIGHT, SENATOR PORTMAN OF OHIO SIGNED ON TO THE BILL.
MAYBE SHAME DOES WORK.
IF IT DOESN'T, MAYBE WE SHOULD FOLLOW AROUND MITCH MCCONNELL
MAKING THIS FACE AT HIM.