Lizzie: As any of you who watched my last video with Jane already know, I recently had the absolute
pleasure of meeting Bing Lee's friend and house guest, William Darcy.
Absolute isn't the right word.
It was more of a grotesque, nauseating, run the other way as if your life depended on it pleasure.
Darcy is so obnoxious, I can't tell if I like Bing Lee now, or if he just seems awesome by comparison.
Darcy's boring, stuffy, unbelievably rude. He thinks he's too good for us "common folk."
But he's handsome! And rich! Even richer than Bing Lee! Oh, dilemma, dilemma!
But you want to know what the coup de grace is?
Even my mother hated him.
My name is Lizzie Bennet and William Darcy is a snob.
"Snobby Mr. Douchey" Written by Rachel Kiley
I just can't properly express what an infuriating douchebag this guy is.
Just because you're rich and heir to some kind of entertainment empire does not mean you're better than everyone else.
He probably uses his money to lounge around all day in five thousand dollar boxers watching BBC miniseries with people he
pays to be his friends since no sane human being could ever actually put up with him.
I mean, what does he do with his life?
I do things with my life. I read. Study. I play tennis.
I mean, I used to play tennis.
I have a video blog!
Whatever. And since I'm all about the drama… Lydia!
Lydia: I'm not ready yet! Lizzie: Oh come on! Get your ass out here.
Lydia: This dance is super slammin'! So is that Jane Bennet.
I wanna bang the ---- outta her.
Are there any hot chicks that you'd like to slip your man-banana into, Darcy my homie?
What? That's totally how guys talk!
Lizzie: This dance is preposterous.
I hate dancing. It's a waste of time. Like saying nice things to people.
Many of these people seem to be enjoying popular music unironically.
Besides, none of these girls stand up to my ridiculous standards.
Lydia: What about Jane's sister, Lizzie?
I know she's not that great looking, but you could do worse.
I bet she could use a good sexcapade. She probably hasn't gotten laid in years, and those are the freaky ones.
Lizzie: You found the only pretty girl at this wedding.
Even if she smiles too much.
I dislike smiling. It contorts the face.
Lydia: Yeah. On second thought, Lizzie Bennet is kind of a dog. No wonder she's perpetually single.
You'd be better off hooking up with her younger, sexier sister, Lydia. Now she's a catch.
Lizzie: So there you have it.
William Darcy? Total snob. In a somewhat true to life portrayal.
Lydia: 'Cause I'm all about the true to life, bitches!
You want the real story? You ask the Ly-dee-yahhh.
Lizzie: I need more friends.
And less sisters.
What's wrong with you?