- This makes you happy don't it?
- It does, here have some more.
(rock music)
- Beth or Rip, parenting edition.
Who would you rather have the birds and the bees talk with,
Beth or Rip?
- Rip.
- Beth.
- Beth's gonna be more fun. (laughs)
- Yeah, for sure.
- Baby, I love our man-to-man talks,
but we need to set some goddamn boundaries here.
- I'd rather just get right to the point.
I'm not trying to have a whole conversation about it.
(group laughs)
That's what I think.
And so I think Rip will just... (fingers snap)
- Yeah Rip's birds and bees talk is incredibly simple.
- Pretty quick, just do it.
Like, all right bro.
- Beth's is elaborate.
- It focuses on the erogenous zones.
- Is that Latin?
- Beth or Rip.
You get an F in geometry, you come home from school,
who do you tell, Beth or Rip?
- Sorry, Rip, didn't have the heart to tell ya.
- Rip.
- Rip, I don't think either of them care though.
- Rip's so much better, 'cause Beth would be furious.
(hand slaps)
- What the fuck did you do, Jamie?
- Rip would go, "I don't care about that shit."
- We don't do the Pythagorean theorem on this ranch.
- Beth would go up to the school and make it a big deal.
- If you're gonna calculate the acute angle of a triangle,
you calculate it with me!
- Yeah, no you definitely want to ask Rip.
- Yeah, for sure not, yeah.
Go ahead.
- And so I was gonna do more geometry jokes,
but that one, we barely got over the finish line with that one.
(group laughs)
(country music)
(people cheering)
- Who's more strict about TV time, Beth or Rip?
- Beth.
- I think Rip is more strict about TV time,
Rip doesn't have any time for TV.
- That's a tricky one, he doesn't even have a television.
- I don't know if he has one.
- That's a good point. - Yeah, ain't got much.
- Beth or Rip, these are easy.
You need a parent to volunteer to chaperone
an eighth grade dance, who do you ask?
- First we're gonna dance.
- Rip.
- Beth.
- Absolutely Rip.
- Yeah, he's not gonna say anything,
he's just gonna go. - Because no one's
gonna get pregnant.
If you ask Beth, you might have some knocked up teenager.
(group laughs) - Everybody's getting-
- She'd be like why don't you show some skin?
Why don't you really turn it up a little bit?
- I shoulda known it was you.
- I feel like Beth would spike the punch.
- That's why you don't ask her!
- Get the teachers drunk.
Like, do something ridiculous.
- Oh, so that's why you wanted her to be there.
- I think it would be fun.
- Need a drink?
- Who would you rather go clothes shopping with?
- I mean, Rip wears the same thing every day,
and I prefer to wear the same thing every day, so Rip.
- I have five shirts and a pair of boots, Beth.
- Yeah Rip wears the same thing every day and it's great.
- I don't wanna think- - Beth also wears
a lot of great clothes.
- But I would take Rip, I don't care
to think about clothes. - I would take Beth.
I would rather go clothes shopping with Beth.
- Get a pair of boots, decent jacket, and a hat.
- Don't like wearing hats.
- Well then you picked the wrong line of work, buddy.
- Who are you going to for a motivational speech
Beth or Rip?
- Beth.
- Oh man, they're both gonna be so bad.
- You have no future, none.
- I need my assistants to put all their efforts
into not being pussies.
- Who can tell you, "You're gonna make it."?
- Rip's gonna, Rip.
- Rip's gonna tell you- - Beth's gonna make it worse.
- Beth is gonna tell you why you should probably-
- You should quit.
- If you're feeling insecure, you're probably right.
- You're one of those, huh?
- One of what?
- The kind of man who uses flowers to say I'm sorry
'cause he doesn't have the balls to say it himself.
- Yeah, it's gonna get worse before it gets better.
- I feel ugly, well you are.
Wow, that's not great. - Exactly.
Oh that's my greatest fear.
(Denim laughs)
- Yeah, yeah, Rip has given some
pretty incredible motivational speeches
over the course of the show. - Especially to Beth
and to Jimmy. - To Beth, to Jimmy.
- I'm gonna show you how to get rid of problems
so they don't become new problems.
If you don't like the room, then eat in a different room.
Life is plenty hard, you don't need to help it, you hear me?
- That's true. - Just watch him
earn like father of the year awards in the upcoming seasons.
- Oh yeah! - He's gonna turn into someone
that we're all like... (gasps)
- Beautiful.
- Who would you rather have as a parent?
- You either have Beth as your mom or Rip as father?
- Say they're single parent, single mom or single dad.
- Rip. - Same.
- I would Beth.
- Rip seems like he'll at least be there.
I don't know if... - He's gonna be there,
but he's not gonna open up.
He's gonna be one of those dads
that you spend your whole life trying to impress.
- Yeah, but I feel I'd rather take that,
I don't know what Beth is gonna be-
- It's not great it either way.
- We'll just continue with the illusion
that we're one big happy family.
- Who would you rather be punished by?
- I'm having trouble. - Already?
- Oh, Rip it's physical, Beth it's emotional.
- Who would you say?
- Rip. (bomb explodes)
I think it's fair.
- Goddamn you for making me do this.
(fist punching) - Beth's gonna be like,
10 years later, she's gonna be stabbing you
under the table with a fork.
- Oh!
- You took the car out past curfew and crashed it,
which parent would you rather tell?
- What did I do wrong?
- You know what you did wrong.
- Again, I'm going with Rip.
- I'm gonna stay with Beth.
I don't know maybe it's my own weirdness.
- Beth doesn't care about a fucking car
she'd be like, who cares?
- Right and wrong, good and evil, there's no such thing.
- Rip has like a sense of responsibility
and Rip would be like,
"Oh no, we broke one of John Dutton's cars."
Beth would be like, "Who gives a fuck?"
- I'm gonna teach you a trick
so that you don't blow this opportunity.
Don't think that you deserve it.
You don't deserve it,
and you never will.
(rock music)