Jake and Neytiri,
thank you for inviting me into your home today.
Let’s start by discussing intimacy issues.
This isn’t about intimacy.
It’s about him letting go of his past.
I’ve let go of my past.
Look at me!
No one’s ever let go of their past more than I have.
Then when are you going to get rid of your original body?
I can’t get rid of that.
How can I get rid of myself?
It’s not you anymore!
This is you!
I see you!
I see that and I want to hurl my guts up!
It’s going to spread disease!
I was in it for 28 years
and it has strong sentimental value for me.
I can’t just throw it out with the trash!
I didn’t choose to marry a hoarder.
And it makes it very hard to have visitors.
It’s awkward enough telling people the story of how we met.
“Well, he infiltrated my tribe
with the intention of displacing us from our home
so that his people could raze it to the ground
and ravage its mineral wealth”.
Guess how many adoring sighs the tale of THAT meet-cute inspires.
That’s why you gotta start the story two scenes after that
when I save your lanky blue asses.
You know what The People are saying, don’t you?
What are they saying?
That despite everything,
you’re still just another human with forest fever.
You just wanted to scoop yourself some of that blueberry ice cream.
How does that make you feel, Jake?
Frankly, it’s insulting and it’s de-Na’vi-ising.
I don’t think it’s right to judge someone based on the planet their species evolved on.
Please. You know what he’s done?
He’s gone and tsaheylu’d himself a toruk without telling me.
Firebird red.
We don’t even have space for it!
I didn’t know I was gonna do it.
It just came along at the right time
and it reminded me of the toruk I rode in my youth, that’s all.
Oh you mean the “glory days” when you were still human?
Humanity was a big part of my life
and you need to accept that and move on.
Neytiri,
it feels like you’re deflecting from the real issue here.
We haven’t mated before Eywa in months.
Does Eywa always have to watch us?
Eywa sees all, Jake!
Well maybe I don’t want her to “see all”, Neytiri!
Maybe I want certain things to remain between you and me and the medicine man.
Last time we mated, you called me Nadine!
It was a slip of the tongue.
No tongue has ever slipped that much, Jake.
Jake,
do you picture Na’vi or humans
when you wank?
I don’t want to talk about this.
Why can’t you just answer the question, Jake?
OK, for the millionth time,
it’s Jake!
With a hard J!
J-J-Jake!
Stop making me sound like a French ponce!
How about I call you Jerk instead?
Jerk Sully!
It suits you!
All right, FINE!
I’ll open up in this safe space!
Occasionally,
when I’m by myself and I’m...
connecting with my tree of souls...
I imagine that...
Neytiri...
has...
no tail.
Disgusting!
It’s how I was raised!
Where I’m from, it's widely accepted.
I've only ever had fantasies about tailless women.
Except for Lola Bunny in Space Jam, but
I can’t be alone in that.
Should I cut my tail off -
would that get you hot?
I've never asked you to change for me.
Wish I could say the same for YOU, but...
Oh please!
You begged to become a permanent Na’vi!
BEGGED!
It’s great to see you both being so honest with each other.
Jake,
it seems you need to be more intimate with Neytiri,
and Neytiri,
it seems you need to be more accepting of Jake's past.
I'm going to recommend a routine for the two of you
that I believe will, in time,
satisfy both your needs.
I can't do this Jake.
I'm going to vomit.
Come on, Neyt.
The doctor said for you to love me completely,
you need to learn to love the man I used to be.
Besides, it’s only for the next 18 months.
Sweet dreams.
By the way, that smell wasn’t me just now - that was my corpse.
Must have had some cabbage before I died.
Eywa help me...
You are not on YouTube trending anymore.
You are on ArtSpear’s channel.
It is my job to get you to like, share, comment and subscribe.
I will not succeed.
Not with all of you.
If you have a mighty heart,
you can support us on Patreon or become a Channel Member,
just like these followers of Eywa--
I mean ArtSpear.
You tell your Daddy,
I’m gonna laugh over his corpse.
Dad doesn’t like it when we laugh at his corpse.
Excuse me?
Neytiri, I couldn’t help but notice that every image of me
from back in my human days has been deleted from your social media.
That’s weird. It must be some kind of error--
Don’t even try.
OK look, I was tidying up.
I wanted it all to be the same colour.
You just described a hate crime.
Most Na’vi don’t trust humans, OK?
I was thinking of the clan.
Of course you’re a member of the Klan.