- [Instructor] Hey, Psych2Goers.
Welcome back to our channel.
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Now to the video.
Have you ever been emotionally blackmailed?
It can be a scary thing that can happen
in any type of relationship.
Emotional blackmail is a form of abuse.
Emotional manipulators use it
to get what they want from you.
You may not realize it's even happening to you.
This is exactly what happened to Susie.
Meet Susie.
Susie is the type of girl who always looks
to the bright side of things.
She loves reading, fashion, her dog Munchkins
and hanging out with her friends
and she loves making people happy.
But she must admit
that she wasn't the happiest in her last relationship.
Meet Trevor, Susie's ex-boyfriend.
Their relationship started off full of kindness and romance.
Then Trevor started behaving a bit differently.
One night after a long day of work,
Susie arrives home, groceries in hand
so the two can cook a meal
for their dinner date.
It's been a long day and frankly, she's exhausted.
(Susie sighing)
- [Susie] I bought some fresh vegetables and steak
for dinner tonight.
- [Instructor] Susie exclaims in excitement
and bam, Trevor stomps into the room not looking too happy.
- But I wanted to go out tonight.
- [Instructor] Susie notices the frustrated expression
on Trevor's face and decides they'll go out.
After all, she loves making others happy.
But they do go out nearly every other day
and since Susie is the one currently working,
she always ends up paying.
So they go out for their romantic dinner date.
But on the drive there,
Susie notices Trevor turning into his favorite sushi place.
- [Susie] Oh.
- [Instructor] Susie says a bit wary.
- [Susie] Honey, I told you I'm allergic to fish.
- [Instructor] He doesn't respond right away
and continues driving.
- [Susie] Honey?
- [Instructor] She asks again?
To be frank, her face puffs up like a blowfish any time
she's even around fish.
Allergic reaction.
- [Trevor] I can't believe this.
Do you ever consider what I want.
- [Instructor] He bursts out like a fifth grader
whose parents are about to order him a Happy Meal.
Susie remembers watching a Psych2Go video
on emotional manipulation.
She remembered that they mentioned the way to respond
to blackmail was to know your triggers.
Susie hates fighting in the car
and will often try to end it by any means necessary.
Another tip, remain calm with blackmail
and provide an answer later.
Blackmailers will often demand an answer immediately.
- Fine, we'll go to your favorite place again.
- [Instructor] He eventually grunts out
as he sharply turns the car around.
But they always go to his favorite restaurant.
- [Susie] Oh well.
- [Instructor] She thinks to herself.
- [Susie] Maybe he'll lighten up once we're both fed.
But the whole drive there, not a word uttered out
of his mouth and during dinner,
nothing but sighs and complaints
and sarcastic comments.
Psych2Go also reminded Susie
to offer up another solution to the blackmailer.
- [Susie] I understand that you're angry
about not going to the sushi place.
But you could always order sushi here.
- [Instructor] She offers.
When they get home, super romantic Trevor wants
to finish the evening off with some romance.
Susie expresses how exhausted she is,
especially after all of Trevor's annoying complaints.
Then of course, Trevor decides
to give Susie the silent treatment in response.
Susie stood in the hall as the lights were turned off on her
and the door slammed shut behind him.
Somehow she couldn't help but feel
like she was being punished.
In fact, this is the type of emotional blackmail tactic
that is described as punishment tactics
and those who use this method
are also known as the punisher type.
Trevor's obnoxious complaints and silence,
he used it as punishment for not getting what he wanted,
all in hopes to make Susie do what he wants in the future
out of fear of this type of scenario happening again.
Take it easy, Trevor.
You can eat your sushi another time.
Maybe when Susie dumps you.
Gosh, and I hope she does it soon.
After a long night of worry and hurt,
Susie starts the next day off on a good note.
Her boss has just given her terrific news.
- [Boss] Your work ethic is the best on the team.
Keep it up, Susie and who knows,
that open manager position may even be yours
in the coming months.
- [Instructor] Susie couldn't be more excited.
She's worked so hard in her retail job.
What's better than combining her love of people and fashion?
Though she works days and nights and long hours
and over hours, unpaid additional hours
on top of the over hours.
Holidays, weekends, days off.
(sighing)
Need to calm down there for a second.
She works a lot.
Still no word from the boss
about that manager position, huh?
Luckily, she remembered a tip
for responding to blackmail.
One option is to begin a conversation,
expressing how they make you feel.
Some blackmailers may just see
what they do as a strategy that simply works
and not realize that they're hurting you.
Others know what they're doing.
Always assess how safe you feel doing so first
and then try talking about how you feel.
Susie peaks into her boss's office
to start a healthy conversation.
- Excuse me, sir,
about that manager position you mentioned.
- [Instructor] Her boss angrily responds with.
- I need you out working.
Do you really expect a manager to interrupt me
when I'm oh so busy?
I can see now you aren't fit for the job or are you?
- [Instructor] Susie shuts the door quietly.
All that work and he thinks she's unfit for the job now?
This is just another tactic for emotional blackmail.
Those who use this tactic are called tantalizers.
The blackmailer will offer a reward or praise
for all that you've done
or that they want you to do.
And when the time's come to collect the said reward,
there's just another thing left for you to finish.
And then it's all yours
and then another thing and another and another.
It's just another way to get you to do what they want.
After all, if you gave up after the work you've put in
to earn your reward,
you wouldn't get your reward at all.
But odds are, if they're manipulating you,
you weren't gonna get it either way.
Trevor arrives to pick up Susie
after her long day of work.
She scoots in the car, past the takeout boxes
and to her surprise, Trevor's already eaten.
- [Susie] I was gonna cook dinner tonight.
- [Instructor] She says.
- [Trevor] Can't a girl have some veggies
and steak every now and then?
Yeah, I don't wanna eat what you make.
- [Instructor] He mumbles under his breath,
stank of two-day-old sushi.
Sigh.
Susie couldn't help but mention
that they couldn't keep eating takeout.
She was the only one making money.
- [Susie] If you want takeout,
you are going to have to start paying some of the bills.
- [Instructor] She said.
Trevor suddenly musters up some convincing sobs.
- [Trevor] I lost my job.
You know why I need a place to stay.
I'll be homeless if you don't let me live with you.
I've been applying for a manager position very three months
and next month I'll apply for two.
You don't think I'm looking for a job?
It takes time.
- [Instructor] Susie's face falls flat.
- It's, it's been eight years.
- [Instructor] Trevor has no response.
Do I spot another tactic?
Yep.
Psych2Goers, this is yet another emotional blackmail tactic.
Those who use this one are called sufferers.
They'll often try to convey their feelings
without words but more importantly,
they'll make sure to mention their misery and suffering
while pointing at how you could help them.
Instead of admitting the problem is theirs,
they put the guilt on you
and make it your problem.
To them, their suffering won't stop
unless you do something about it.
This is a form of manipulation
and blackmail and quite frankly,
Susie's had enough of it.
Another tip to deal with blackmail,
if all else fails
or if you've simply had enough of it,
if you feel safe enough, it's time to call things off.
For Susie, it's right here and right now.
Only blocks away from Trevor's favorite sushi restaurant,
she demands Trevor pull over
and she kicks him out the car.
- Get out, get out!
- [Instructor] She commands.
- [Trevor] But, but. (sobbing)
- [Instructor] Slam.
She shuts the door and drives home.
His friend works at the restaurant,
he can get a ride home to pick up his things later.
And that promotion she had hoped for?
She happened to find her favorite fashion brand
was hiring for an immediate position.
Role: manager.
Her interview's Thursday.
So having rid herself of a manipulative blackmailer,
Susie shuts the door on her way inside her cozy apartment,
tosses her shoes off for her dog Munchkins to nibble on
and takes out the steak from the freezer to unthaw.
Susie's having steak and veggies tonight.
So do you suffer from an emotional blackmailer?
Which tactic do they use?
And how will you respond to them.
Now that you have some tips and advice from Susie,
let us know in the comments below.
Also, feel free to take a look at our other video,
"What Is Emotional Blackmail" to learn more.
Make sure to like this video,
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And if you know someone who's dealing with blackmail,
it wouldn't hurt to share this video too.
Thanks for watching and we'll see you soon.