When I got back to work after the hiatus,
I realized I haven't been pissed about anything online
in four months!
But like herpes, anger is always bubbling under the surface
until something triggers it.
And as with any STD, the only thing to do
is share it with as many people as possible.
Which -- Which reminds me.
Karen, you need to call all your lovers.
And -- And apologize! You shit in bed, Karen!
And, also, I gave you HPV.
I'm four months behind on my outrage,
so let's catch up.
December 7th. A date that will live in infamy.
Kevin Hart loses his Oscar hosting gig
after old homophobic tweets resurfaced.
Wow! Old tweets can really come back to haunt you, huh?
Good thing Vine isn't around anymore.
That's where I used to put all my unpopular opinions.
Yo, yo, yo. What's up, Vine nation?
It's your boy Jim J, Jimmy J. Coming to you.
I gotta talk about something.
I gotta talk about "those" people.
Yo, yo, yo...
[ Laughter ]
Wait! Where's the rest of it?!
How does Vine work?!
Now I can't even remember who I hated!
Oh, yeah, I do.
Yeah, I do.
[ Laughter ]
But before we could have a larger conversation
about homophobia...
That's right.
Chris Rock was shamed for allowing two white men
to say the N-word eight years ago.
We only got mad about it now
because back then, the N-word wasn't offensive yet.
The only person in the room
not to say the N-word was Jerry Seinfeld,
though, to be honest,
if there was one comic I'd love to hear say it,
it's Jerry Seinfeld.
[ As Seinfeld ] "Hey! What's the deal with the N-word?
N is a letter, not a word!
You can make words out of letters!
You can't make letters out of words!
Why?!
Oh, wait a minute! I just did it!"
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
Now, that would have been a good time
for a larger conversation about race.
But the next day was Christmas Eve,
and that morning, Kevin Spacey released a video
that touched us in all the wrong places.
And then a few days later, this happened.
Woman: Members of the Indigenous Peoples March
surrounded by others wearing Make America Great Again hats
and clothing connecting them to Covington Catholic High School.
Now, I do have to mention that these kids were cleared
of all wrongdoing after an internal investigation
by the Catholic Church, which is --
Which is different from the way the church usually does it --
by investigating the kids internally.
[ Audience groans ]
Were the kids at fault?
Was the video misinterpreted? Does it matter?
Because then, next, it was Black History Month.
And how better to celebrate than blackface...
blackface, and blackface couture?
How -- How is this still happening?
I mean, I've never worn blackface,
though, in high school
I was voted most likely to wear blackface.
And then there's a whole lot of other things I'm supposed to be mad about,
like Jussie Smollett and the college cheating scandal
or Liam Neeson, who apparently got in trouble
for
and then "Green Book" won a Best Picture,
and I was told to be mad for reasons I still don't fully understand.
It's too much!
I can't keep this level of anger.
We're dialed up to ten all the time.
Sometimes it feels like we move from outrage to outrage
so quickly that we forget about
the things we should actually be paying attention to.
Isn't that right, kid still being held in a cage
in a border detention facility
who will never see his parents again?
I know!
I mean, "Green Book"? Best Picture?!
Are you kidding me?!
[ Cheers and applause ]
I liked it.
[ Audience boos loudly ]