Will silence make him miss me? That's what we're going to be talking about in this video.
But first, my name is Clay with ModernLove.Life, where we help you get the great loving relationship
that you're looking for without having to play mind games, without having to play hard
to get, and without having to pretend to be someone or something that you are not because
you of course deserve to be loved for the unique, amazing, and wonderful person that
you are. And if you agree with me, do me a favor by giving this video a thumbs up and
by subscribing to the channel. It really does help support us. Also, if you are interested,
we do have a course called Connect and Commit. You can go ahead and check it out in the description
box below if you're curious, but it helps to turn potentially make or break moments
between you and your ex into opportunities for greater connection and commitment between
the two of you. You can find out more about that down below in the description box. Not
going to hard sell you on it. But anyway, let's go ahead and get into this video.
I've been around for a while on YouTube. I've been doing this since, YouTube, at least,
since 2011, which is like a really long time. And, I've seen a lot of relationship and break
up coaches like come and go, and the one thing that I've noticed that pretty much all of
them have in common is that they all advocate using no contact, almost as if it's like the
only tool that you have in your arsenal. I wouldn't even call a lot of these folks breakup
coaches per se, because really they're more like no contact coaches. They just like coach
you on not contacting your ex. I don't know. Apparently that's something that people need
help with. But I want to make it clear that no contact
is not the only tool that you have at your disposal. Yes, it does make sense in certain
situations and certain cases and all of that. There are definitely times when it makes sense
to not contact your ex and how that can actually help to create a stronger connection between
the two of you and create an opportunity for the two of you to come back together and to
get closer and all of that. But it is not something that every single situation needs.
I actually recently had a client who got back together with her ex, and she did not ever
really do no contact at all. So you don't need to do it, but the whole idea that you
need to do no contact, it's not necessarily true.
But let's go ahead and talk about this because there is this very common belief that a lot
of people have, a lot of other people on YouTube might be suggesting, that you just dogmatically
do no contact all the time, 100%, because it will make your ex miss you and it'll make
them crawl back to you on broken shards of glass. That, again, I don't know where these
broken shards of glass are, but people seem to be obsessed with them. If you actually
want your ex to crawl back to you on broken shards of glass, please leave a comment down
below because I'm very curious about that. If you want them to bloody up their hands
and knees, maybe you actually don't want to get back together with them. Just a thought.
But anyway, let's go ahead and get into this. The no contact rule can work at making your
ex miss you in certain situations. That is to say, if the connection between you and
your ex is pretty strong, and if the current way that the two of you are interacting is
not bringing the two of you that last little bit closer, you can sometimes leverage the
connection that you already have with one another to make them realize, oh, hey, I can't
wait around forever, or whatever we're doing right now, isn't working, or if you're not
going to make a decision, I'm going to go ahead and start putting my attention elsewhere,
or whatever the case may be. And that can sometimes be all that you need to kind of
just push them that last little bit over the edge. There are obviously other things that
you can do, too. Again, no contact is not your only tool. It's not something that you
just retreat into whenever anything doesn't go your way or anything like that.
I've seen so many messages. It's like, oh, hey, we had a fight. Should I do no contact?
Oh, hey, we had a misunderstanding. Should I do no contact? Oh, hey, he didn't call me
back. Should I do no contact? Sometimes that makes sense. But many of those situations,
not so much. But yeah, you can do no contact if you want to, and that can sometimes push
someone just that last little bit over the edge. Also, no contact can be helpful if the
way that the two of you are currently interacting is actually causing the two of you to move
further away from one another emotionally, that is to say, it's doing more harm than
good. And obviously, we want the two of you to be moving closer together emotionally,
and so if the way that you're communicating with one another is not bringing the two of
you closer together, it's actually creating more distance, then no contact can make sense,
because we're going to stop doing whatever isn't working, whatever is actually causing
that distance to become greater, and we're going to take a timeout and we're going to
look at what's going on. Specifically, what's going on with us because
how we bring ourselves to the interaction is going to be a major factor in whether we
get closer together emotionally or further apart emotionally, right? Because your way
of being, whether you are coming at a place of damage control mode, or whether you're
coming at a place of really relaxed spaciousness, that is absolutely going to make a big difference.
And obviously those two things are a very, very different way of interacting with one
another. If you can take some time to introspectively look at how you're bringing yourself to the
interaction that can really be helpful as well too.
Before we go on, just wanted to let you know that we do have a full playlist, a full video
series on the no contact rule, my take on the no contact rule, so if you are in it or
thinking about doing it, you might want to check this out. You can find it up there.
It's not just any of that like, hey, cut contact and white knuckle it through it for 30 days
or something advice. We have our own take on the no contract rule. You can find it up
in the video card, in the upper right corner of this video.
And of course, no contact can also give your ex the gift of not always being around you.
And this can be helpful for a couple of different reasons. Number one, again, if interacting
with the two of you is not bringing the two of you closer together, and it's creating
more emotional space, then being out of contact with your ex is going to stop any damage that's
currently being done from being in contact with them in a nonproductive sort of way,
and it's going to give them the opportunity to actually experience the vacuum of you in
their life, so that they might actually start to actually have some more pleasant memories
start to resurface, some more positive emotions start to resurface. This can happen. It can
also go the other way, as well, too, where maybe they're like, just relieved that they're
not in contact with you anymore because maybe the interactions with the two of you were
not very enjoyable for them. So don't think that no contact is just some
cure all, always do it sort of thing. Again, I've mentioned this many, many, many times
in this video, but a lot of people don't seem to get it, and they think that no contact
is the one thing that they can do. They need to use it all the time whenever things don't
go their way, and you just need to white knuckle through it. But no contact can be helpful
for your ex's experience. It can also kind of not be helpful, too.
Another reason that no contact can sometimes be helpful is that it actually gives your
ex the space and time they need to actually reflect themselves. Now, granted, these days,
people don't really do a whole lot of reflection. They tend to go into rebound relationships,
dating apps, just sort of distracting themselves into thinking that they moved on. So I don't
know if that is necessarily going to happen as frequently as maybe it did when I first
got started back in 2011 on YouTube, 2009, just on the internet in general. I've definitely
noticed a larger trend towards distraction over the past 10 years or so, but it potentially
could give them the opportunity to actually be a little bit more introspective and to
start to say, "You know what? This is what I actually want for myself. Maybe things weren't
so bad with so-and-so. Maybe we could get back in contact and maybe we could work things
out." It can happen. It did happen for me with my
ex when I did some no contact and she actually initiated contact with me, but it's not some
sort of guaranteed thing. Okay? I know that there's a lot of advice out there that says
it's a guaranteed thing. Your ex will always come back over the broken shards of glass
that someone needs to sweep up. It happens 100% of the time. No, it does not. Sometimes
it can go the complete other way where it's like, "Whew! That was a really intense situation.
I'm glad I'm out of that. I can just breathe a sigh of relief and just enjoy not being
under all of that pressure." Or whatever the case may be, right? So don't think that it's
a magic cure all. What you need to do is you need to look down
deeper beneath the surface at the emotional connection between the two of you, and you
need to say, "Is this bringing us closer together or further apart?" And if you think no contact
is going to create the context for the two of you to come closer together because it's
going to maybe remove some of the negative interactions that the two of you are having
and it's going to allow for some more introspection or something like that or maybe just be that
last little gentle gust of wind that pushes your ex off of that fence and gets them to
decide to say like, "Okay, yeah, I really value you in my life, and I want to get over
whatever is holding me back and see what's possible between the two of us." Then, yeah,
sure. It can make sense. But just don't think that it's the one thing that you have at your
disposal. Okay, so I hope this has helped you out. Once
again, if you like what we're doing, please make sure that you give this video a thumbs
up and feel free to subscribe to the channel down below here. And if you are curious about
that Connect and Commit course, you can find information on that down in the description
box as well, too. Once again, my name is Clay with ModernLove.Life. Thank you so much for
watching this video. If you do want to find out more about our take on no contact, please
feel free to check out this video series over here on our take on the no contact rule, or
you might want to check out this video over here. Once again, thank you so much for watching,
and I'll talk to you next time. Please take care.