Oh ever since Thomas halbert's last couple videos he has been going off on
the internet so in this video we're gonna talk about anger management and
some of these tips might actually help you as well
what is up everybody this is Chris from the rewired salt where we talk about the
problem but focus on the solution and if you're new to my channel my channel is
all about trying to help you improve your mental health so what I like to do
is pull it the topics that are going on in the YouTube community and try to use
that to give you some context so you can improve your mental and emotional
well-being that's pretty cool right so make sure to subscribe and bring that
notification belt so before I get started with this topic I have some
exciting news. I am proud of Thomas Halbert...I AM PROUD OF Thomas.
you know why a couple videos ago I offered to give
Thomas Halbert a copy of the book on your adulting by dr. faith Harper he
actually reached out to me on Twitter so I mailed him a copy of that book
yesterday and I told him it's coming he should have it by Wednesday or Thursday
at least you know taking the stuff check this book out this is all of you like I
don't ask you to do everything just do something right because a lot of this
you know improving our mental and emotional health like it takes a little
baby steps and we just take these little pieces and just sort of doing them like
each and every day right but anyways we're gonna keep Thomas accountable all
right I was gonna make a whole video about this but I've given out over a
dozen books okay in the last couple years to clients to friends I'm like I
think this book will help you read it listen I don't care the problem is is
that people don't often read the books alright so I wrote a little letter to
Thomas in the book and I am giving him which I think is fair until November
30th okay until the end of the month and the book here's another book by dr.
faith Harper I'm gonna do a review on this it's called this is your brain on
depression all the books are so Thomas I give you plenty of time to read that
book so if all of you want to help me feel free to tweet it Thomas every now
and then how's that book coming along all right
but also also the giveaway winners will be announced this week I'm not sure
which day yet because I might have some exciting news to go along with the
giveaway so bear with me but I will announce the winners this week all right
and by the way this is something in the book but Thomas Thomas if you're
watching this you just met me don't be giving me your address I could be crazy
man I could be crazy I was actually joking with twist on my showed up at his
house with the book like a lunatic on the Internet
Thanks so anyways yeah let's get back into the topic of anger management so my
beautiful girlfriends that's when she'll be actually recent was Ashley Kyle she
does a lot of like beauty gurus all the time stuff a lot of people can learn
some lessons from this but yeah anyways video down the description if you want
to check that out and got more in depth into it okay so my issue with this
particular tweet and Tony's issue was how he replied to someone who replied to
his tweet so this person said I have bipolar disorder depression anxiety and
you don't see me making false accusations against people
so Thomas replied no correlation babe go whine to someone else and this is a good
opportunity to talk about it I hope you surprised people when I tell them that I
used to be one of that angriest one of the angriest people you would ever meet
could you see me right now you know I'm always smiling and having a good time
and all that stuff and it's like it's difficult to imagine me as being so
angry but I hated everybody I hated myself and I hated you even more I was
just constantly angry I was constantly just acting Ratched I was just going
nuts on every I felt this like intense need like this
need to just clap back every single person who might have said anything
right whether it was online or in-person or anything like that I just I couldn't
sleep at night and that's let's you know exactly what's on my mind I used to be
such an angry outspoken asshole that check this out six years ago a little
over six years ago my mom saved my life I was dying for my opiate addiction
right she saved my life and I have so many resentments towards her because she
was an alcoholic for the first 20 years of my life that I just could not stop
screaming at her I was six months sober and she almost kicked me out of her
house like she had to tell me like Chris if you don't get your life together
like I need to get you out of here because I was being verbally and
emotionally abusive towards her and I felt terrible about it like this is
something that some of you might struggle with and this is something that
I've talked about in some on borderline personality disorder videos a lot of
people think that you know people with BPD you know BPD rage if you will get
some kind of pleasure one of the issues is that people who are often like
screaming and yelling and stuff like that like I feel bad I felt really
really bad like why am i yelling at this woman like I know she's trying her best
like the logical part of my brain knew that she was trying to be a good mother
and trying to repair a relationship to seven years sober at this time she saved
my life she let me live with her all these
things right and like the logical part of my brain knew that but the emotional
part of my brain with just over running I was yelling or in to say awful thanks
so anyways here's my first tip of advice my background is in 12-step program so
this actually came from my sponsor let me give you the same exact advice right
so after I would scream up my mom and just get into a huge fight with her I
would call up my sponsor or attack something like dude I just feel terrible
because that's one of the issues like we do things that make us feel guilt and
shame and all these and start talking back about ourselves like my brains
telling me I'm a terrible person I'm a terrible son who does this right so I
had to talk to him about this and here's what he would tell me every single time
he would say apologize to her and let her know that you're working really hard
to become a better person and improve these things right so that's what I
would do every time and talk to him I would go and apologize
and say I'm working really hard but here's the kicker okay
here's the kicker for that because this this is advice I give to a lot of
people's out in your management issues like it's one thing to apologize and say
I'm working on this stuff but you actually have to be working on this
stuff right like if you're like me whose apologies actions speak louder than
words okay so one of the reasons I was
actually trying to improve that stuff and over time I was I was learning how
to heal and process things in a brand new way I didn't have to explode on her
all the time I was able to vent in other ways or talk to other people or realize
that a lot of the reasons I was upset were within me you know not so much with
her anymore but more within me you know what I mean so like don't just go around
apologizing like you're somebody who's yelling and screaming and blowing up on
people who really don't deserve it or even if your ego tells you that they
do deserve it like if you go apologize to them and say that you're working on
yourself like you need to work on yourself like you guys don't understand
like I come from the addiction treatment realm and drug addicts and alcoholics I
said sorry millions of times but I would have people call me months after
treatment say oh my god like my family still won't forgive me I said I'm sorry
I said I'm sorry but like I know and that's about them I'm like well you're
still acting like an asshole so why are they gonna forgive you you
know what I mean so I want you to think about that remember your actions speak
louder than words so like what are you actually doing to improve yourself like
you're just sitting around on the couch just hoping that you don't get angry and
had outbursts or are you doing like therapy or talking in support groups or
are you meditating to manage your emotions are you trying like DBT or
anything like that like what actions are you taking to actually improve your
anger management issues now let's talk about controlling your anger and venting
so I always talk about my wonderful and beautiful amazing girlfriend Tristan but
something I have not talked about on this channel is the relationship I have
with my sons okay she is remarried they have another
kids if Dylan has a little brother and her and I have an amazing relationship
and a lot of it was because I learned how to control my anger I cannot stress
this enough to you okay one of the only reasons one of the only reasons that her
and I have a great relationship today is because of how many text messages that I
did not send her okay so she had a lot of reasons to be angry
at me the same reasons I was angry at my mom right I was a drug addict an
alcoholic and left to California for a year okay I often say that the first
year of my sobriety maybe even longer my name wasn't even Chris to her it was
just pieces okay that's all I was which is a piece of garbage father who left
right she was so mad at me and like she would always text me my life
Dylan would not be who he is without her but she was going through all those
emotions and stuff too she said a lot of hurtful things to me and my brain told
me that I have to say these things to her I have to say it to her so the
second half of the video I'm gonna give you some really important tips so one of
the things was again going to my sponsor but you just need like a mentor you need
somebody who's in a better mental state than you who you can turn to and talk to
so like when she would text me and say these terrible things like I would go to
effect to him right can you believe she's saying this I'm trying so hard to
become a better person you just listen to me explode and he would say Chris
have you given her any reason in the past to be upset with you and as a drug
addict an alcoholic trying to stay clean hell yeah I did and he would remind me
of that like he reminded me that I'm the reason why she's so upset right like I
was a bad father right I wasn't allowed to see my son the last four months
because of my addiction I did terrible things to her
I hid money from her I put our family in danger multiple times so Mike he would
snap me back to me out and say does she have a reason to be this angry right so
although like she didn't really eat like you know I don't I don't think that I
should you know be a punching bag but like it helped me have some empathy and
understand and she's just not attacking me to attack me I did a lot of things
that made her feel a certain way about me right anyway there's so many times
especially when I moved back to Las Vegas where she would text me and say
these things so she like accuse me of lying but she did accuse me of relapsing
or whatever and like you say these things I would type out a huge long text
message okay it's a very important tip for you okay first off text don't call
you can control your text okay you have time to reread them you don't have to
send them when you're on the phone or in person like if you have anger issues
like I do an impulse control issues like I do text okay like wait until your
mental health and emotional health is better before you start a person so
anyways I would text a huge long thing and I would just like you know all these
things right so what I would do is I would not send it to her I would copy
that text message and I would send it to a friend I said hey and I try to sell
them on I look at all these terrible things she said to me right so I'm
trying to get them on my side I'm trying to get them to enable me so then I send
them the text message and I show them what I'm gonna say come on do you think
I'm justified in saying this they'd be like no Chris you're not right because I
hang around people who don't tell me what I want to hear they tell me what I
need to hear they're like Chris all those things are awful do not say that
you know what I would say screw you you're stupid and I'd go ask somebody
else but the thing was since I surround myself with good people today I asked
multiple people and all of them would say Chris don't send that text message
right so I would either just say you know I'm sorry about that or sorry you
feel that way and just leave it at that or sometimes I wouldn't reply I will
make a video about how to deal with people who say these like verbally
abusive things to you because I have some excellent advice
that help a lot of people helped me a lot so I will make a video about that if
you need help with that let me know down in the comments right but anyways again
one of the reasons that me and my son's mother have such an amazing relationship
today because of all the text messages that I never sent because so many of
those text messages me and her never would have had the opportunity to heal
like one of us one of us had to just shut our mouths right and try to teach
all of you it's a lot easier for me to fix me than it is to try to fix the rest
of the world right I have absolutely no control over what she's gonna say to me
but what I do have control over is how I reply to that situation how I react how
I respond to that situation okay so this is what I want all of you to know okay
so if you struggle with anger issues please please please
like save this video in a playlist and come back to it anytime you're thinking
about acting a fool so another thing that I teach my clients is this it's
something I realize about my brain like my brain just needs to vent right it
just has the vent it has to say these things I have to get these thoughts out
the the delusion that I think we have is that we think that those thoughts have
to go out at that person when they really just need to get out right so
what I would teach my clients is like listen before blowing up on your husband
or wife or mom or dad or kids or boss or ex or whoever it is blow up on me sing
every thought that you have to me right because this is something that helped me
a lot like I didn't have to say to that person I just had to vent somewhere I
just needed somebody to hear me get this stuff out and if nobody was around you
know what I would do I would write it down sometimes I would just hop on my
computer open up a Word document just type a whole thing about how angry
enough said I was then afterwards ha I felt so much better and I didn't feel
this intense need to tell that person okay so yeah I'm giving you all
permission I give this oh all of my clients permission as well if you're
gonna blow up just shoot me a text shoot me an email do whatever you gotta do
okay now doesn't mean I'm gonna reply to it but I guarantee you will see you will
see that it does feel better but if it's not me doing with somebody or even your
notebook okay find the dollar and go buy a notebook
for a dollar to get out all of your frustrations and emotions now the last
thing I will say about Thomas Halbert is he just showed this on Instagram right
and it says someone said myself cam is also choosing not to argue with people
who are committed to misunderstanding you I felt that and Thomas said I felt
this learning this yes okay so here's my worry about all of you I used to be one
of those people who would post these things where I don't share these things
but I wasn't practicing the principle of what I said so this is something that I
practice today and it's I really do hope it's something that Thomas works on I
hope it's something that you're working on right but anyways like this is
something that I talk to Tristan about all the time so Kristen is the person I
meant to you guys Tristan and I I'm not gonna tell you who it was but we were
watching like a youtuber the other night and I was having a rough night I was all
emotional and worked up and I was like you know whining and complaining to
Tristan while she was over here and then her and I watched this youtubers video
and he this dude has over a hundred thousand subscribers and he just lost it
he lost it on camera he went through the process of losing it on camera taking
the file putting it on his computer uploading it to YouTube making a
thumbnail like he did all of these steps I'm like oh my god like this is not the
place to do that for that specific purpose it was definitely not the place
to do that and this is what I'm trying to tell all of you guys like you don't
always have to like fight back you don't always have to do that like Tristan
keeps me a check like there's so many times when like Tristan helps me avoid
tweeting out something stupid like you guys I can't say this enough so many
people are getting taken down by one single tweet it is important that we
learn to restrain ourselves if you're a youtuber watching this restrain yourself
then somewhere else you don't have to tell the entire world how pissed off you
are you don't need to do that and this is for all of you - you don't need to go
tell everybody on Facebook you don't need to go tell everybody on Twitter you
don't got to share it on Instagram you don't have to make this public ok talk
to one person or join the rear iron soldier Facebook support group and vent
in there you don't have to like publicly act like a fool like only makes us look
bad like something I'm always trying to think about is like what impression my
giving other people how are people seeing me do I want them to see me this
way or do I not right and a lot of people don't understand why so many
people see them in a certain line it's because it's stuff like this it's
because of the way that they clap on Twitter it's because of the way they
make these YouTube videos it's because of what you're posting on Facebook or
what I like to call big book where you know what you do when you like make
Facebook posts that's targeted just like passive aggressive BS towards one person
or you're posted on your Facebook page for all like 500 of your friends to see
like just stop it just stop it it's childish and trust me I'm saying this
because I used to do it - all right sorry this was a bit of a longer video
it's just anger management is something I'm very passionate about because I use
have so many anger issues all right so let me know down in the comments below
like let me know if you struggle with like like replying to people are
clapping back at people and do you feel guilty about it do you feel bad about it
but like we do at the rewind so let me know in the comments what's your
solution are you gonna start writing this stuff down in a notebook are you
gonna start you know messaging a friend are you gonna start messaging me let's
talk about the solution down in the comments all right and also remember
tweet at Thomas and make sure he reads that damn book okay anyways if you like
this video please give it a thumbs up if you're new make sure you subscribe and
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alright thanks so much for watching keep a mouth shut and I'll see you next time