-(laughter) -Yesterday...
Mitch McConnell and Republican senators successfully voted
to start debating their Obamacare repeal bill,
which they call the "Better Care Reconciliation Act,"
aka Nobamacare.
And the biggest moment was when Arizona senator, John McCain,
who had just been diagnosed with brain cancer,
flew across the country to cast the deciding vote.
I hope we can again rely on humility,
on our need to cooperate, on our dependence on each other,
to learn how to trust each other again,
and by so doing, better serve the people who elected us.
Stop listening to the bombastic loudmouths
on the radio and television and the Internet.
To hell with them.
(applause)
You know, that was such a dramatic, emotional moment
that you almost forgot how bad it is
for the people who could lose health insurance.
It's like if you watched that scene
where Free Willy majestically leaps out of the water,
but then lands on a bunch of orphans.
(laughter)
Aw...
Now, over the years, over the years,
John McCain has built a reputation
of being the maverick of the Senate.
Right? He's not afraid to speak his mind.
He poops in the urinal.
When he flies, he picks the
And yesterday was no different.
I voted for the motion to proceed
to allow debate to continue and amendments to be offered.
I will not vote for this bill as it is today.
Yeah! Yeah!
-(cheering, applause) -Powerful, right? Powerful!
Whoo!
Also, also had, like, a cool rhythm.
It sounded like that speech was written by the same person
who wrote Diddy's rhymes, you know?
We... ain't... going... nowhere.
We ain't...
going nowhere.
Yeah. So McCain said it as clearly as possible.
That although he voted
to let other senators consider repealing Obamacare,
he himself would not support the bill.
And he boldly stood by that promise...
for almost six hours.
Around 9:30 last night the Senate rejected
the Better Care Reconciliation Act.
Nine Republicans voted against the legislation.
Senator John McCain voted for it after saying he wouldn't.
Goddamn it, McCain!
The man mavericked himself.
He said it, then it got popular, so he went against it.
He said he hates the process and then he voted to advance it.
He said he hates the bill and then he votes for it.
There were yoga teachers yesterday
who took fewer positions than John McCain.
We couldn't keep up.
So...
(applause)
So that Obamacare repeal attempt went down yesterday.
This afternoon, they tried another one.
And it crashed harder than a live Mariah Carey performance.
Oh, you didn't think I'd come for you twice
in the same show, Mariah?
It's me and you!
You know what you did.
They keep crashing; the Republicans keep cra--
You know what? We're basically watching
Congressional
Republicans keep trying to kill Obamacare, but instead,
they always end up crashing into a wall.
I mean, how many times are they gonna try and repeal Obamacare?
It feels like they're always voting and voting.
It was this week and last week and the week before.
The Republicans have voted more times
than those illegal Mexicans who voted for Hillary.
And, and they didn't even want
to go through all of this, that's the worst part.
They're only doing this because last week,
President Trump told them that if they didn't vote
for some form of Obamacare repeal,
he would go after them in the primaries next year.
So you'd think that this week
Trump would be leading the charge.
Instead, the commander in tweet
was focused on friendly fire.
Breaking news, President Trump banning transgender people
from serving in the U.S. military.
He made the somewhat surprise announcement
in a series of tweets.
What the (bleep).
No. But I'm like, wha-- (stammers)
Like, who-- like, th-that was before 9:00 a.m.
Before-- you know with Trump as president,
you don't even need morning coffee, you don't.
Yeah, a little bit of him wakes you right up.
Right-- just straight into it.
And too much makes you (bleep) yourself.
It's just... You know?
(cheering and applause)
Now, like most of Trump's ideas
this ban sounds crazy when you first hear it.
But then he explains it, and it's way worse.
TV REPORTER:
Thank you?
Wow.
No one takes away civil rights as politely as Donald Trump.
(mimics Trump) Please be advised
that I'm banning wheelchair ramps
and have a great day. Thank you.
(regular voice): So, as usual,
this, uh, proclamation from Trump was full of BS.
So let's try and break it down without going mad.
First he says, he consulted with his generals.
But this morning, the Pentagon reports
that he had no idea that this ban was coming.
So unless he met with the general online...
(applause)
That part doesn't seem to be true.
And-and as far as the reason Trump gave for the ban,
he said the military cannot be burdened
with the tremendous medical costs.
Now, just so we're on the same page,
transgender related medical expenses for the military
cost at most $8 million a year, yeah.
Also known as .001 percent
of the total military budget.
In contrast, taxpayers will be paying $60 million per year
just for Trump to visit his own properties
like Mar-a-Lago, yeah.
And that's before he orders dessert-- $60 million.
And look, I-I know, I know some people were surprised
by the president's order this morning,
but maybe we shouldn't be.
Because even though Trump always claimed
he was for the LGBTQ rights,
he never seemed fully comfortable in that identity.
LGBT is starting
to like Donald Trump very much, lately.
The LB... and LGBT community...
The LG...
BT...
Q
I will do everything in my power
to protect
our LGBTQ citizens.
Yeah.
Donald Trump said he'd protect
LGBTQ citizens.
And, actually, considering
how many wars he's gonna start, maybe he just did.