Five signs of neediness that push men away and one to bring him closer.
in this video, I'm gonna reveal the secret to having all your needs met by a man
without ever being perceived as needy. How cool is that?
I'm going to share that in this video, and that one at the end so that you'll
never be perceived as needy, so make sure you stick around.
Hit the subscribe button with the little bell if you haven't already.
Follow along on instagram @makehimyours and download
my brand-new free guide, The Seven Secrets To Master Modern Dating
from the description below. I will see you right after this.
[Music playing]
No one wants to be perceived as needy, right? I don't want to be perceived as
needy. You don't want to be perceived as needy. No one likes feeling needy.
I work with a lot of women who are so petrified though of feeling needy
that they go the other way, and none of their needs get met.
They don't get the fair needs that they want met in relationships,
and the problem is ironically, this actually makes them more needy
because our brains then find a way, find an unhealthy way to
get these needs met.
So to begin this video, I'm going to share the five ways and check for
these in yourself that you might be expressing unhealthy neediness.
Number one is hidden contract neediness.
This is where you do something for someone in the hopes that in exchange,
they will give you something back.
The neediness becomes a trade.
It's like that example in a previous video when my friend bought this
guy $400-sheets after only dating him for a couple of months.
The truth is she was not doing that out of pure love. She was making a trade.
She was hoping deep down that if she bought these sheets,
that the guy would either love her more, connect to her more, give her more time,
or more of his energy.
There was a hidden contract there. She was making a trade.
That's an unhealthy form of neediness because really you're only doing the thing,
so that you can get something back.
Number two is obligation neediness.
This is where you only do something for someone because you feel obligated
because you don't want to feel feelings of shame, guilt, etc. within yourself.
So let's say your man wants you to, or your date wants you to pick him up
from the airport, and you've got this thing booked already with friends,
but you feel that if you don't go and pick him up, you're going to feel guilty
hanging out with your friends.
So to relieve your own feelings of guilt or shame, you decide to go and
pick him up even though that's not your responsibility.
That's obligation neediness, and it's the second form of unhealthy neediness.
That's obligation neediness and it's needy because you're needing to do
that act to relieve yourself of the feelings of shame and guilt, which are not your
responsibility.
Number three is silent neediness.
This is where you hope that someone figures out what your needs are without
actually telling them. So you sit there, and you give very quiet or subconscious
signs to show that you want something, say you're wanting a hug, but you don't
come out and ask for it.
Now sometimes, it's nice if a person can read what you want without saying,
but the problem with silent neediness is that it feeds back on itself
and gets worse.
In other words, if you pretend like you don't want a hug and the guy figures it out,
it actually rewards that behavior if you get the hug and increasingly,
more and more of your needs, you'll try and get met without
actually communicating them and pretty soon, you'll have a huge need and you'll
be angry at him because he didn't figure it out from all the psychic subconscious signs.
Number four is controlling neediness.
So this is where using threats
or intimidation. You, you put your values on someone else and tell them what they
should be doing.
You should want to make me feel good.
You should want to delete Instagram.
You should, you need to do X Y. You have to do X Y Z.
All these ways that put control onto another person, and tell them what to do,
so that you can feel better or feel some kind of emotion within yourself.
This is a fourth form of unhealthy neediness because really, it's going beyond your
own boundaries and into someone else's
to try to get your emotions met which ultimately are your responsibility.
And number five is victim neediness.
This is actually the same as control neediness.
You're trying to control, it's just done in completely the opposite way.
So this is where, this is where you know, let's say you've made dinner,
and you're feeling really unwell that day, and your man says,
"Oh you know let me help. Let me do something."
You say, "No no it's fine. I don't even need help.
I don't even want help. Woe is me."
You're playing the victim, but you're doing it again to have more control
because you're hoping that that person will step up
or you're hoping that they will save you
or you're hoping that they will do a
certain number of things to controlling their behavior, it's just that instead of
using intimidation or threats, you do it by playing the victim.
This is the fifth form of unhealthy neediness.
And all five of these, you want to get out of your life because you will be
perceived as needy if you do them.
So how do you get your needs met in a relationship
without being needy?
We need to have number six, which is healthy neediness.
So healthy neediness is the way confident women express their
needs and have them met by men not because the men feel they have to or
because they go this girl's really needy but I guess I'll do this but the men
actually jump through their hoops because they want to impress you and
meet your needs. How cool is that?
So healthy neediness is about owning the fact that every human being including
you has needs that are natural and healthy. These needs could be attention,
affection, validation, love, belonging, importance, there's all kinds of
different needs that we all have naturally as humans.
You know I ran into a friend the other day who I haven't seen in a while
and I gave her a big hug and she said, I said, "I'm so happy to see you.
I've missed you"
She said, "Yes, validation! I love it!"
She owned her need in a playful way and this is what confident women do.
Confident women realize that it's not on them to tell
other people, to force other people to meet their needs.
It's simply on them just as it is on you to use "I feel" statements.
I feel X. I feel Y to communicate in your relationships.
"I want" statements to express what you want to create with someone,
and then ultimately,
if those needs are not being met,
it's on those confident women and it's on you to figure out well, how do
I either change my environment, change the people around me,
or change the needs I get from myself to meet these healthy needs.
There's nothing wrong with wanting
attention, validation, wanting support. There's nothing wrong with wanting love.
The difference is the way you go about it. Confident women express these needs.
They know they have them. They express them playfully and eventually, if they're
not being met they move on to situations both internal and external where these
needs are met.
The cool thing is when you own these needs, which are natural and which are healthy,
men see your confidence in them and men want to step
up and meet them without ever thinking that you're needy.
So make sure you get your needs met in a healthy way
and don't fall into one of those five unhealthy patterns.
Well that is the video. Thank you so much for watching.
Make sure you download the free guide, brand-new free guide, The Seven Secrets
To Master Modern Dating from the description below.
Make sure you grab that, and leave a comment on the content.
Do you have an unhealthy type of neediness that you noticed in your own
relationship or in a friend's or maybe do you have a story about a healthy way
that you've expressed a need and had a man want to meet it without thinking
you're needy? I'd love to hear it below.
Give the video a thumbs up. Hit the big red subscribe button with the little
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@makehimyours. I'll see you in the next video very soon.