Hey everybody, today's video is all about overcoming self hate.
(Intro Music)
I've heard from many of you that you struggle with self acceptance and feeling good
about who you are.
And self-hate is a daily thing that seems to occur.
And so today, I'm going to offer up five helpful tips to get you through it
and help you overcome.
The first helpful tip that I have is remembering that beliefs are not facts.
Just let that sink in for a second.
The things that we maybe believe don't mean that they're really facts.
And I would encourage you, and this is going to sound really weird,
but if you notice certain things that you're saying about yourself,
certain self-hate comments that you keep making to yourself over and over again.
Maybe you write those down, and then I want you to find evidence against them.
Facts to back up that that's not true.
I know this sounds really silly, but it can be really really helpful
and also not to completely expose why this works so well,
But it's a sneaky way of getting you to focus on the positive. Hoo hoo hoo, so sneaky!
The second tip is notice your self talk and work to change it.
I talk about this so much, and I know that you're probably sick of hearing about it,
But the way that we talk to ourselves is very very important.
And if in your head all day, you're saying nasty things to yourself,
then we're going to have to start fighting back against that.
And that can start with just one or two things during the day, that you say that are positive about you.
Something that you're grateful for.
Something that you did well.
I don't care what it is. Something positive towards you, about you in some way.
Let's start trying to add those in.
We know it takes five positive to negate one negative,
So let's try to get these a little bit more balanced.
The third tip I have, and something that I constantly am cognizant of and try to work on,
is noticing what we think of others.
Are we being judgemental of strangers?
Does somebody walk across the street, and you think "Oh my God, look at that person!"
Notice that and then work to change that as well,
because the truth is it doesn't have to just be our own self talk.
It's honestly the conversations that go on in our head all day long that can change our mood.
Can change our confidence and our perception of ourselves and the world around us.
So if you notice yourself putting out negative energy, thinking terribly about a random person
I challenge you, this is something that I've done that's really helped,
is that if I find myself doing that negative thing and thinking that negative thought
I forced myself to say something positive, in my head about that person.
So let's say this random person is walking across the street,
and I think "oh my God, I can't believe that he's wearing that."
And then I automatically force myself to come up with something positive.
And think, "He must really like the outfit. That might be one of his favorites. He looks so confident. That is so amazing."
Forcing myself to turn it into a positive.
it can really change your whole mood.
And the fourth tip: owning your own faults.
No one is perfect. We all have them; things that we don't like about ourselves.
Things that we do that we wish we didn't, but something that's been really helpful to me is owning them.
Talking about them in therapy.
Recognizing them. Giving them a name. and then learning about them.
Because the more I get to know them, the more I learn about them the better I'm going to be able to live with them.
Or manage them or overcome them.
And so instead of completely detouring around them or ignoring the fact that your faults exist at all
I find it better to kind of hit them head on.
Like I find myself to be really stubborn.
And so when I find myself digging my heels in for a reason that I can't come up with in my brain,
I work in my head with myself, and I'm like "you're going to give in right now.
That's what's going to happen. You're going to apologize for being stubborn."
And I do it, because I know how I am. I know how my brain works.
And obviously it takes practice, because it's a process not perfection.
But the fact that we're just working on it, being aware of our faults, and learning to better manage them is a huge step.
And the fifth and final way to overcome self-hate is to make amends.
Nothing can make us feel worse than having a situation or a relationship turn south. Get bad and ugly quick.
And we feel like we've done something wrong, and we've never said sorry.
I've heard from many of my clients and many of my viewers that will ruminate and keep replaying,
Almost like injuring ourselves over and over with that situation.
Like "oh, I was such an asshole and I shouldn't have said that."
and "I'm such a terrible person." and "oh my god" and running it over and over.
So I challenge you if you've done something hurtful to someone else
that is bothering you. That you're upset about work to make amends.
Make a call. Send a text. Try to reach out to them.
We can't control what other people do, but we can control what we do.
And I think it's really powerful and a really growing experience to
say "I'm sorry" even when we're really nervous and we don't know if they're going to accept it.
But to accept responsibility for the things we've done,
and work to make those amends.
Because once we've done that, that replaying
that injury type scenario that we keep hurting ourselves with will stop happening.
And that, that in itself can completely change our lives.
I hope you found this helpful.
I know that each and every one of us has dealt with self hate at one time or another.
And I hope these five easy tips, maybe not so easy sometimes
But hopefully five tips will help jump start your own self love and self confidence
because we all need a reminder sometimes.
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And I will see you next time. Bye!