I’m not afraid of dying.
Sometimes I think dying is a relief.
I would rather pass on then to not be able to have any good times.
The thing I miss the most is not being able to see the cards and play cards.
I miss going to bridge.
Can’t eat much at times.
But that’s what the doctor told me I’d be able to do…less and less.
And he was right
I can’t get out of here.
Alright, we’ll get you.
I’ll be your arms and your legs for you OK?
Alright mom, 1,2,3, alright.
I think she’s in distress of being fully conscious of her body receding.
And then the other distress is when she actually can’t breathe.
‘
You alright mom?
You know what is life?
Is life just simply that you’re technically alive?
Is that life?
Or does a person define what life is for them.
If I lay on my left side I can feel my heart beating.
Sometimes it’s just bang ,bang, bang.
I can hear it vibrating and hear it too.
I really don’t want to do that.
We asked her about her meds today and she would rather have us give them to her in advance
so she doesn’t ever feel bad.
And she knows the price of her being comforted is she’s going to be less alert.
She’ll be more dopey.
She wants to go.
My goal now is to make it easier for her even if it makes it harder for me.
But it bothers me.
Mom I’m gonna….
I’m gonna go to the bank mom and run that errand.
So I’ll be gone for a little while.
You’ve taken really good care of us.
And we’ll all be ok.
We’ll be sad but we’ll be OK.
I love you so much, you’ve taught me so much mom.
I love you too.
One more kiss.
I love you.
See I think I need to leave, cause I think she needs me to leave.
She’s slowing on down.
You can count like 9 beats between each breath she’s taking.
But she’s doing what she needs to do.
I want to pray with you OK?
The love that’s here God, surrounded, the attention she has Lord, how blessed.
God continue to comfort her with your presence, continue God to allow her ears to hear your
voice and her heart to beat for you as it has for so long.
Receive her Oh God, and take care of her oh God.
In Jesus name we pray.
Amen.
It’s OK to go.
You know all the people we love, tell them hello.
We want the best for you as you always wanted the best for us.
And you always gave us the best.
You go ahead and go.
I think she’s gone.