- Yes, I voted for Hillary Clinton,
of course I did.
(audience cheers)
I voted for her because I liked what
she said vastly better than I liked what he said.
To be honest with you,
at that point,
that shit was like watching Darth Vader
do the I Have A Dream speech.
That bitch is mean as hell.
She had already karate kid swept
Bernie Sanders' legs from underneath him.
Boy, it was hard voting for that shit.
But it was the lesser of the evils.
I know you're a Clinton supporter,
miss, I am so sorry to say it like that.
It didn't feel bad voting for her,
but it didn't feel as good as it should have.
She was gonna be our first woman president.
They would've made coins out of this bitch.
And somehow she just missed the dunk.
'Course she shoulda beat him,
of course she should've beat him.
You know what voting for her felt like?
It was bittersweet.
It felt like I was lucky enough to eat Halle Berry's pussy.
And whilst I was doing so,
she fucking farted in my face, man.
(audience laughs)
You understand I'd still do it,
but boy, I wish she didn't fart in this great nation's face.
I voted that day and then that same
day I flew to New York City.
I had work.
That night I was in a comedy club in New York,
and I said to an audience almost
exactly what I just said to you.
And I didn't know that there was a journalist in the room.
And this journalist wrote an article,
the headline of the article said,
"Dave Chappelle is an avid
"Donald Trump supporter."
Yeah.
I had no idea the paper said that.
And you know how I find out?
My wife called me from Ohio
the next morning in a goddamn panic.
David, David, what the fuck is going on in New York?
I said I'm being good,
but what have you heard?
My wife said the paper is saying
that you're a Donald Trump supporter.
I was like, phew!
(audience laughs)
I said don't worry about that shit, baby.
Nobody in their right mind would believe that,
and she said no, David,
people believe it and then she started
reading the comments to me.
Oh, they were terrible.
All these people calling me all kinds
of Uncle Toms and shit.
I should tell you, buddy,
this is a very serious allegation
from one black to another.
I was incensed.
Uncle tom?
How am I Uncle Tom, nigga?
You're the one that reads The Observer.
Anyway,
all this shit goes down
and the Saturday night rolls around
and now Trump is the president
and I'm hosting Saturday Night Live.
(audience cheers)
And I didn't really prepare my monologue,
I just kinda winged it.
And at the end of the monologue,
I don't even remember what I said.
I said something like fuck it,
we're historically disenfranchised
something about we're gonna give
them a chance if he gives us a chance.
I don't know what I said,
but whatever I said,
I really wish I didn't say that shit.
It was not worth the trouble.
Now walking to the barber shop
and all them black people just
be looking at me like yo, Dave,
what's up with your boy.
Yo, nigga, yo!
Not my boy.
'Cause I don't care if you're a republican
or democrat if you support him or not,
any objective person is gonna have to admit that
this motherfucker is having a terrible go of it.
(audience cheers)
He really is.
We've had presidents before that have done bad jobs,
but this shit is worse than a bad job.
It's scary to watch.
Holy shit, it's like seeing a crack pipe
in your Uber driver's passenger seat.
(audience laughs)
(upbeat music)
The fuck is wrong with this guy?