Alright in parenting, you know how there's that moment where who's right?
Who's wrong? Who's parenting skills are the best? -Yeah. -Come on. It's time to get
on the same path. -Absolutely. And it's time to learn like what do we do to improve
these parenting skills? So, watch closely and we'll lay it all out to you exactly
what to do.
Hey, it's Kirk and Kim. -Hey, where here's your life style mentors because it's time to
talk about parenting skills. Get on the same page. Yeah, when you're not on the
same page, Oh have you ever had issues with this we?
Have my ideas, I thought we're right. Because I just I thought were wrong.
-Well, how come this happens? Why does the wife and the husband have a difference
opinion on parenting skills? Mm-hmm. -Because they were raised completely
different. I was raised in my household with my parents. And their sets of rules.
And is really different. -In there Wyoming, we got a whole different set of rules
what happens up there. And so, yes, I grew up in a different atmosphere than what
Kim grew up. And so of course, we have two different opinions. And that's the first
thing to take a look at is you know what? For parenting skills to improve, you
actually need to have discussions of what was it like growing up in your home?
-What worked and what didn't it work? -Did you ever get in trouble growing up? She Did.
You ever get in trouble growing up? Yes. But we don't... -I was an angel though for
most of the time. -Were you? -Until I became a teenager. -Oh here we go.
-And so if I don't understand her background and she doesn't understand my
background, of course... -Going to be completely on two different pages. -And we're going to...
And when is that going to show up? When's the conflict going to show up? -In the moment?
-In front of the kids. -And then they're going to see that you don't agree you're
not on the same page with each other. And then they're going to war. -They're going to see
that there's chaos in the family and conflict amongst mom and dad. So busted.
Kids are going to take over mutiny in the home. -Right. -Okay so first step, understand
each other's background. -What was it like... You know what's great is, get together
and talk about it tell stories and tell stories. -It's not a kid. It's no.... -This is
like private conversation or something. -Date night or you know pillow talk and...
-You're right. -Or something like that. -Okay, number 2, -Yes. -Actually right down
what worked and what didn't work?
-And you can have some fun with this. Enjoy like sharing and talking about you
know, your life and how you grew up and how your mom was, how your dad was. Talk
about those things. And it will be a really fun experience for you. And as you
do that, make some notes. -Could be painful too, to recall those moments. So but number
you know, your write down on what worked, what didn't work. And so you can start to
gather... -Make that... Make that list of what what you liked and what you didn't
like. And put all on the same list. -If you don't write it down, it's in your
behavior... -right -...how you were conditioned as a child. -And then it's going to come out.
-Yeah. -Most not appropriate moment. And you're trying to bring this to the
surface so you can understand why you parent the way you parent. Why they
parent the way they parent. So, we write down what worked, what didn't work. Number
3, what you want to do is you want to write down what you wish was different
as you were growing up as a child. -So yeah. -What actually worked, what actually
didn't work. -And what you wish. I wish my dad wouldn't grab the big wood
spoon and chased me across the house in front of everybody else. -Now, during this
experience, love your parents. They did the best they knew. I respect your
parents. They knew the best they knew how at the time. But there's some things that
they didn't... You're thinking, why did they do that? -And now... -Work for me. -You being
the parent, you get to actually apply what you wish would have happened. I mean,
this is a chance to upgrade. Not pass along the old behaviors that have
happened that didn't work. -Like how many times did you hear yourself say, "I am
never doing that as a parent." But you find yourself in the moment. -You are.
-And you do exactly what they just did. Because you didn't follow these steps. You didn't
write down what worked and didn't work and what your wish were. -So you're kind
of like unconscious about the experience. Step 4, step 4 is now you write down the
plan. -Yeah. -The two of you lie down the plan. Not one of you. uh-uh.
Both of you write down the plan and then you come to an agreement.
-I was... What are you... -And if you don't agree, nothing's written
down about that particular area or that particular part.
But if you both will put it in writing, then it's not just trying to be
remembered. because what you don't write down, you can't remember. And then
you forget and then new you talked about it. Just messy. And and then when
you're in the moment with your kids, it's messy, it's not clearing your mind
and you really can't follow through when you want to. -Yeah, we love your mind
but you're going to... You're going to forget some stuff. So if the both of you write
it down because what will happen is in the moment of these parenting skills
coming out, it could get emotional. And sometimes emotions override the plan.
-Right. And you need to know who to bust. I mean, which one of you just got busted
because you overrode the plan. -It's happened to me before. Like... -I've had to
pull Kim, I had to pull Kim in the other I'm going, "What are you doing? -We made a
plan. -And you're not following the plan." And she's like, "But they're so sweet
children." And they got her like emotionally. And I'm trying to like stay
plan. But when you have it in writing, you now can see who is slipping off of the
plan. Because when you were calm and conscious and wrote it down, you knew... -So you're saying
I'm unconscious? -In that one moment you were. Because they got you emotionally. They
pulled on your heartstrings. Which kids know how to do. -Yes, they do. -So you write
the plan down, you both agree on it, so you don't you know, slip up when it gets
emotional. And then one of the rules we have is we got to take turns. -Yeah. -It's
not... -It's not always me disciplining and it's not always him disciplining. You
know, there was a time in my life that I felt like I was always the discipliner
and it got really exhausting. And my husband would come home, you know, Kirk
would come home from work that day and all the kids go running to him
because he was the hero that day. Because he wasn't like disciplining and
telling him to do their chores and all this stuff, right? -So, you as both of you
are doing the parenting. And also holding to the rules of the home. The parenting
skills can be discussed and talked and reviewed and carried out by both of you.
-You don't want to make one person the monster in the house. -No. And be super
careful that you do not undermine each other. -That's a
big one. -Because if you're... If the child comes to you and goes, "Dad, I talked to
mom and she won't let me do this." And you go, "Oh, it's okay. Don't tell..." -That will
completely destroy the relationship between the two of you as parents, it
also destroys the relationship between the parents and the kids. -The kids lose
credibility... -Yeah, they lose trust. -... with that parent. And so,
hold the respect a really high level between the two of you and your
parenting skills. -Even if in the moment, it's like incredibly hard. And you want
to go ahead and give in, don't do it. Don't do it. Because by you holding to
your commit with your spouse, not only is it going to build trust between you as
parents, but it will help your child to like understand,
"Oh my, you know what? They're on the same page." They're talking the same. That it's
the same plan. I can't get away with one. I was something that I can't... That I can
get away with the other one and it just makes it so much more clear parenting. -So
in this conversation of the two of you connecting like this. And really coming
up with a plan, you're going to find out through different scenarios, you actually
don't know what to do in all scenarios. So... -Are you saying that parenting didn't
come with a manual? -Well, I know people have written books. And I believe it's
smart to read what others have learned. So do the exercises we just gave you. And
follow through with that so you can get connected. So you can find out what you
don't know. Then go find a book. Go find a book or go find a video that'll take you
to that next level. But do this part so you're on the same page. And you're not
battling and butting heads when you're both on the same page.
Don't let parenting ruin a marriage. -Yeah. It's not worth it. It's not worth it. Get
on the same page. -Hey, what you think? I bet you've got some great ideas yourself.
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