If you're just tuning in, we're doing an audience-free version of the show tonight due to the coronavirus.
We didn't want to be responsible for getting anyone sick.
The only sick I ever want to be responsible for is my sick moves on my skateboard.
Try me, Tony Hawk. I'll break you like a Kit-Kat bar.
Obviously, we're all worried right now, but if there's one thing I'm grateful for, it's
how we're all still acting totally normal.
Fear of coronavirus is leading to panic buying
and empty store shelves across the country.
Shoppers are stocking up on supplies like disinfectant wipes, hand sanitizers, water,
even toilet paper.
At this point, I've hoarded so much toilet paper,
I could wipe every muddy ass on the Upper West Side. Twice.
But while some people are free to work from home, others are acutely at risk.
As COVID-19 spreads, the demand for
The demand for gig-based workers is increasing.
But all that business comes at a cost. At least three Uber drivers have come in contact
with passengers believed to have been infected, and the fear of catching coronavirus is prompting
drivers to deal with it in creative ways.
One rider who wants to go by Will shared this
picture right here on social media.
It shows the driver completely surrounded
by a plastic sheet to protect him from COVID-19.
We caught up with Will who's visiting from
Austin for work.
It seems pretty clear the reason that rider
wants to go by “Will”
is because his "work" is just him visiting his side family in New York.
Yet despite all its dangers, the gig economy can seem pretty attractive.
You don't have to go to an office, you get to make your own hours, and if you handle
food, you get to take a tiny little bite out of each sandwich you deliver.
In fact, the gig economy is now so big that there are services for pet care, moving, cooking,
lawn care, car maintenance, nursing, massage,
and even a home cleaning and repair service
called "Handy."
That's right, Handy. It's not just a name,
it's also a way to say thank you after getting a ride home from your Toronto improv class.
The downside of working for a company like Uber or Lyft comes down to two words:
independent contractor.
When you hire official employees, you need
to pay for things like health insurance, overtime, sick leave, and workers comp.
But if you hire independent contractors,
all you need are excited workers and the dark, dark soul of
the bad guy from Newsies.
Joseph Pulitzer.
And then the added expense of equipment. Uber and Lyft expect drivers to own or rent
their own cars, while Handy expects you to buy a whole [BLEEP] home depot.
To make sure your first job goes well, it helps to be prepared ahead of time.
A vacuum, broom or dust mop, a bucket, rags, microfiber cloths or paper towels, a duster,
gloves, and cleaning solutions for all surfaces.
The only person who already has all of these
items on hand before taking a job wouldn't be there to clean.
They'd be there to murder you.
And I hope you don't like a living wage because
you're definitely not getting that with Uber.
After vehicle expenses, the median Uber driver
earns less than $10 an hour, including tips,
which is barely enough to cover your car in
plague-resistant plastic. But at least Uber lets its drivers keep their tips.
Before public outcry, both Doordash and Instacart had policies that essentially stole tips from
their workers. That's why, to be safe, I always tip my delivery guys
in compliments. They hate it.
But for pure dystopian awfulness, one gig company deserves special attention:
Amazon's Mechanical Turk,
a service where you can hire humans to do tasks that computers aren't good at.
"Turkers" might find themselves transcribing
people's social security numbers, reviewing videos of botched surgery,
or tagging photos of actual beheadings.
To make matters somehow even worse, most tasks pay 10 cents or less,
and many pay as little as a penny.
But on the bright side, they can string together
enough tasks to make a median wage of $1.77 an hour.
That's lower than in 1975 when the
federal minimum wage was $2.10 an hour.
Things were simpler back in 1975.
The nights were hot, the cocaine was pure,
and I was five.
The gig economy often mistreats its workers, but there are reasons to be cautiously hopeful
about the future.
New York City passed a minimum pay rate for
Uber and Lyft drivers, and California has a new law classifying many gig workers as
official employees.
Of course, you can tell that law would help
the working class because Uber, Lyft and Doordash have launched a 90-million-dollar fight against it.
But judging from Doordash's history, it probably
swiped all that money and carried it out in a bunch of heat-safe insulated bags.
Even Uber is doing the bare minimum by allowing drivers with coronavirus to take two paid weeks off.
Though they should really update the apps
to reflect that. I just ordered a car and it says my driver is 16 days away.
All of these changes are a good start. But that's all they are—a start.
Gig economy workers and other contractors deserve the same wages and protections as
any employee. In a time when we're all hoarding food, toilet
paper, and supplies, maybe we could take a second to think about supporting the [BLEEP]
people delivering those things to us. After all, they're the people who don't judge
us when we order one single McFlurry.
We need them.