(phone ringing)
- You took the middle?
(upbeat music)
- Maybe you're not the bad guy.
but you need to learn some compassion.
(plopping noise)
- Oh my God.
- Wow. - [Man] Jesus.
- What did you do?
What did you do?
- What did I do?
You plopped down on the couch!
- I didn't plop!
- You plopped!
- You are so fucking skinny,
your arms can't even hold a fucking glass.
- Oh, get outta here! Skin-
- Puny. You're puny.
You're puny. - You plopped down.
You don't even know how to sit on a couch!
- I didn't plop!
- Did she plop?
- Oh, like I'm gonna say?
- I've separated the couples.
- Excellent. - What?
- I thought it would be kinda fun.
- What are you talking about? Separating?
- I separated the couples.
- Why? What's the point of that?
- Meet new people.
- I don't wanna meet new people.
- Mingle. - I don't wanna mingle.
- Well, you're gonna have to- - What?
- Because you're sitting down there next to Hank.
- What I got, I have to sit next to some strangers?
- Just go do it. - For three hours?
- Just go. - Ridiculous.
Ridiculous. - Okay?
- You hate people.
- I hate people individually, but I love mankind.
- I just wanted to apologize
if I offended you or insulted you...
in any way.
So, this is me apologizing.
It's about as sorry as I can get.
I guess, my question is,
was it sorry enough?
- That's it?
- [Larry] Anyway, I'm so sorry
for what happened the other day.
That's really not a true representation of who I am.
- Really? - Yes.
Since that visit,
I've been listening to Greek music,
and it turns out,
you know what?
I really like it. - Are you kidding me?
- It's so fun.
(Larry imitating the melody of Greek music)
- All right. (laughs) Okay.
Don't hurt yourself.
- I love it. I love it.
- I knew you'd like Greek music.
- You were so right, Dr. Thanapapalous.
Let me just say this, okay.
The woman was standing in front of the counter,
getting sample after sample.
She had 10 samples.
- You're allowed to do that. - You're allowed to get
free samples.
- No, you're not allowed to.
- Yes, you are. - Oh my God.
- Why you think they got them movie cute spoons there?
- Yeah. I know why they got the cute spoons-
- So you can take-
- Maybe one or two.
Don't abuse your sampling privilege.
She abused the sampling privilege.
And you know what else?
- What?
- I was also watching out
for the counter woman, as well.
- If she had a problem with that woman,
don't you think she'd might say-
- No! No.
- Excuse me, ma'am? - 'Cause she's, 'cause she's
always told the customers, right.
And, in fact, the customer is usually
a moron and an asshole.
And lemme tell you something, okay?
I am not a bad guy!
Not a bad guy!
A good guy!
A very good guy!
I don't mean to be rude, but...
Would you mind just leaving for
a couple minutes?
- Leave? Are you serious?
- Yeah. I'm serious.
I got a big job to do,
and then, I can't do my job if you're doing your job.
- Nope. I'll be quiet.
No problem.
- No, it's not a question of that.
You're here.
I need privacy. I need distance.
I need to be alone.
- My boss. I'll get in a lot of trouble.
You know what I mean?
- What's the trouble?
You, you just, you stepped outside the room for a minute.
So what?
- People need me here to take care of business.
- No, no, they don't need you here.
This is not a job for human beings.
To be here when other people are going to the bathroom.
Nobody wants you here!
Everybody's disappointed when they walk in here.
They don't want to see you.
I'm sorry to say.
- With all due respect,
people come in here with bad breath,
I got mouthwash.
People come in here, you know,
look, I need a little spruce up.
I got cologne here.
- They would gladly sacrifice the gum,
the cologne, the mints, anything you have here
for some privacy. They would.
They'd sacrifice it in a second.
- People. I have a purpose here.
- When an animal goes to die, he leaves the pack.
That's what needs to happen here.
I need to be alone.
I'm a dying animal.
I got the wedding invite.
- No, you didn't.
- I didn't?
- No. That was the save the date.
That was not the invite.
I haven't even had them printed yet.
- Save the date?
- Yeah.
- Are you serious?
That's so stupid.
- Larry, everybody saves dates.
- I don't save dates.
The whole system's screwed up.
You don't need to send me something
to tell me you're gonna send me something.
Just send it.
You know, if I'm saying something to you,
I don't say to you,
"I'm gonna say something to you,"
and then, say it.
I just say it.
Are you gonna finish it?
- No, I'm going to save that for my dog.
- Oh.
Can I have some?
- No, I'm going to give it to my dog.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- I can't have a piece of that?
- No, I'm taking it in a doggie bag.
- Right now, that dog is sitting home,
anticipating a doggie bag coming home.
- I'm not expecting five slices.
You've got five slices there.
What if you brought him three slices,
and gave me two?
Would that kill anybody?
- No. I'm gonna take it all for my dog.
- Humans should take precedence over an animal.
- But pets should take precedence
over someone I've just met.
- She's gonna expose me to the world.
She said she's gonna tell everybody
about all my lies and my deceit.
And, you know I've said terrible things
about so many people,
and you and Jeff and Susie and Louis.
Everybody I know.
- What have you said about me?
- Oh, did I say you?
- Yeah.
- No, no. I didn't mean you.
No, the others.
(woman crying) - Let it go.
This is pushing buttons, and that's all right.
(woman crying) No, you're safe. You're safe.
It's all right. Let it go. (Larry clears throat)
Oh, my. Oh. (woman crying)
Oh. (woman crying)
- I just wanna get some Chubby Hubby.
- Sir, could you please give us a moment?
- Yeah, no.
Aw. Aw.
Yes. Aw.
A little to the left.
Or the right.
Separate.
- Excuse me?
- I'm trying to get to the Chubby Hubby.
- Yes, you've said that.
- Yeah.
- Smile.
- Hey, mind your own business. How about that?
Smile.
- To friendship.
- Aw, Susie. - That's beautiful.
- [Several] Cheers.
- Yes, to friendship.
- To friendship and to be wi- - Cheers.
Everyone. Eyes, please.
- Cassie. Harry.
- [Several] Cheers.
- Cheers.
- [Several] Cheers.
- Larry, you can't look me in the eye and toast?
- Look you in the eye?
- Yeah.
- Towards what end?
- Because that's what people do.
They look each other- - Get outta here.
- In the eye.
- What is this? A seance?
We're raising people from the dead?
Come on, gimme a break.
- No, we're connecting and having some intimacy
- I don't need to connect, okay?
I'm connecting.
- What are you afraid of?
- What does it do?
- You're saying, "Hello, I see you.
I acknowledge you.
I connect with you." Right?
- [Both] Hello.
I see you.
I acknowledge you.
I connect with you. (clanging glasses)
- Okay. Very funny.
You made your point.
I think you're rude.
- You see how stupid it is?
- Yeah. I think you're rude.
- It is, dumb.