Hey Live On Purpose family, thank you for your comments and your questions.
Some of them I don't even know how to answer like, "Who has custody if a child born out
of wedlock?"
But I got resources and I brought him in.
I love having you, viewers comment and ask questions.
This generate some of the content that we create here on the channel.
Matt, you wrote in asking about who has custody of a child who's born out of wedlock and I
don't know.
So, I went and find Sid because as an attorney...
You're more familiar, Sid with how this plays out.
And I think you've have some experience with this particular issue.
Can you enlightened us a little about that question?
Yeah, I...
This is one of those things that...
The world is easier when everybody knows that there's relationship.
Usually marriage relationship and children that born within a marriage.
That's clear.
The law is very clear that to whoever is born within a marriage is the product of that marriage.
At least that's the presumption.
Now sometimes, there's mixing up with that because, you know, people sometimes fool around
which is unfortunate.
But when a child is born out of wedlock then a whole bunch of things happen.
Whole bunch of decision need to be made.
What's going to happen?
Who's going to support the child?
One thing that people don't focus on and I just want to mention this right upfront is
the child.
Once the child is born, the child has rights.
People are focusing all the time on their own rights but the child has a right in every
state of the United States, every territory to be supported by 2 parents.
And so that's a very interesting to think about.
That's the presumption.
That's the what the law presumes and what the law enforces.
Interesting.
So, for example, if a child is born out of wedlock, obviously the mother has the custody
of the child to begin with.
Unless there is some reason that she doesn't...
If there is a drug reason or something like that.
When the child's taken away when the child's born which isn't luckily very often.
Right.
But a mother has rights and she has presumed custody.
However, the father of the child, if he knows he has a child and I want to talk about that
a little bit later.
But if the child is born and the father knows he has a child, the father has rights and
he even has rights to custody.
Techinically, in Utah, and I practice in Utah.
And technically, the father has the same rights as the mother.
So for example, if the mother is not able to watch a child and she takes the child to
daycare or has the child watched by her own mother or father or something like that and
the father shows up, he's the parent.
And the parent has presumptive rights over everybody else except for the other parent.
Because each parent has equal rights.
Wow.
So, I had a case where a father went and grab the child.
His newborn baby who's only 4/5 weeks old from his...
From the grandparents of the child.
The maternal grandparents of the child while the mom is at work.
And he took the child and wouldn't give him back.
And then of course the mother comes to me, "Hey, I have custody because I had the child
and he's been in my care for 4 months and I'm nursing and everything."
And I had to explain to her.
Number 1, dad has just as much custody as you do.
Now, don't get me wrong.
That wasn't a good move on dad's part.
You're not recommending.
No, I am not recommending that at all.
Because of course, interrupting the child.
Again, one of the focuses that everybody needs to have is we need to focus on the best interest
of the child.
Yes.
Is it really good...
And I've talked in other videos about war.
Creating a war situation.
And in the beginning we don't want create war.
We don't want to create war ever if we could avoid it.
But it's best to somehow come cooperative.
To be cooperative.
But who has custody?
Both parents have equal custody.
The mother has presumed custody to begin with but the father has just as much rights to
custody and sue for custody.
So, there some hard choices to make.
One of the choices is, can this couple possibly work out?
Quite often, when the child is born out of wedlock, there's almost no chance that the
parents are going to get married.
My experience is...
And I have about 28 years experience right now.
My experience is that if someone finds that they're pregnant and they're not married yet
and they want to stay together.
They're probably going to get married before the child is born.
So the child is born within the marriage.
Right.
And within that family.
Don't get me wrong.
There are families that were never married.
They have 5,6 children, they together, they're going to be together forever.
And they're doing fine.
But that's rare.
It's more common that the pregnancy sometimes breaks up the relationship or there wasn't
just stable relationship to begin with.
So, the custody...
The initial, simple answer is that they both have equal custody.
The mother has presumed a little bit more custody because typically mothers can nurse
and fathers can't.
I mean probably that's physiology.
But the father has every right.
The other situation and this is where hinted to earlier that's a little tricky is mother,
sometimes...
And I have this situation right now.
I have a mother who's come to me.
She knows the father is but he has no idea that she's pregnant.
And she want's to give the child for adoption.
The laws in the United States...
And these are in Utah.
the United States has passed some laws that require notification to a potential father.
Before an adoption can happen or any change of custody like that.
However, each date, has each on laws about how to enact that.
How to make that work.
And in Utah, if a father, if he had sex and or if a person has sex and could possibly
lead to a child, he has a duty to register with the State and say, "Hey, I might be having
a child."
Like, that's going to happen.
Right, like that's going to happen.
I actually had I guy come in to me one time saying, "I heard to that my girlfriend is
pregnant.
But I don't know where she lives and I don't know what her parents' names are.
I don't know what to do about it.
What can I do?"
And I say, "Well, let's look up the law."
The law says you have to register.
So we actually called while he was in my office.
He called the State?
The state.
Uh-uh.
And they said, "Oh, yeah.
There is some form...
Do you have to this on Salt Lake?"
This was before the days when I get emails so they were going to fax it to me.
And I thought, "Really?"
And he had just sort of guess when the child might be born because...
He knew the first name of the girlfriend but he didn't even know the last name.
This was the legal hoops that he had to jump through.
And to establish his potential parental rights with this child?
Correct.
And unfortunately, since he didn't know anything, for all we know she went out the State.
For all we know...
I mean, we just don't know.
And so he came to me about 2 years later and he had finally tracked her down through the
great mind.
Through some friends and find out that the child had been adopted out.
And there was nothing we can do it.
Sid, does this question depend on the State or the jurisdiction that someone lives in
or are there federal laws around this?
There are federal guidelines and each state must enact a law to address it.
And to address how the father can be notified.
But like just I mentioned the one in Utah, that's all...
And so on the other side of this I have women come to me and say, "I want to adopt my child
out.
I know who the father is but I am not really sure how to notify him right now."
And I say, "Well, let's look at the state registry and see if anybody registered."
And We've adopted several children out that way that's sort of a sad thing.
The other thing that happens...
We'll we're talking about little kids.
Yeah, we're talking about...
Yeah.
Anyway.
The other thing that happens is that...
Let's say that the girl get's pregnant and she's knows who the father is.
There's not really a chance that they're going to get together.
And the dad just don't want to have a child support.
He could be 15 years old for all that we know.
Or a 21-year old who already has kids and he doesn't want to pay another one.
And so their mothers kind of playing the game for adoption.
And guess who steps in quite often?
Mother's parents.
Grandparents often come in.
I have grandparents who come in to me and say, "Oh, my daughter wants to give her child
for adoption.
But I don't want one of my flesh and blood to be gone some other family that we don't
know.
So what can I do to get the child away from my daughter?"
That happens a lot.
They want to get of their child's child.
Their child's child.
And that also causes a whole bunch of grief.
Because is sort of easy to prove that grandparents who are wealthy relatively and have everything
they need are in a better position to provide for a child.
And everyone thinks, "Oh, all I have to do is show the court that I am in a better position
and I can take the child away from my daughter."
Not really true.
Parents are presumed to do...
To know what's best for their own children and even an unmarried young lady or an unmarried
older lady.
They're all presumed to know what's the best interest f the children.
So they actually have a presumptive right to decide.
Even over grandparents.
And only if there some kind of disability or drug addiction or something like that that
would cause the mother...
So that the court would be convinced that the mother can't make a good decision for
some reason.
Then maybe the grandparents or somebody else could try to nab that custody away.
Somethings becoming very obvious here Sid.
And part of our job is to illuminate the obvious.
Exactly.
And hopefully this has been informative to you but what's becoming obvious to me is that
these issues can get very complicated very quickly.
Absolutely.
And we get comments.
And You and I both being contacted because some of the other videos we've done on this
channel.
You can look on the playlists and find a whole group of videos about child custody.
Some of those we've done collaboratively.
Here's the thing, if you are to contact us and say, "What do I do in my case?"
We're going to respond that you need to have someone who's familiar with the laws of your
State or jurisdiction.
Wherever you are.
If you're in another country, that could be a whole other ball game than what we are dealing
with here.
You need to have someone on your team who can address these complex issues in a way
that shows a familiarity with the law, specifically with the local laws of your jurisdiction.
And so I know already that if you reach out to us with a specific questions like that,
we're going to direct you back to getting someone on your team locally.
Would you agree with this.
Sid?
Absolutely.
That's exactly right.
As you said, this gets complicated fast.
Right.
It's not complicated who initially has custody.
Mom has custody, the presumptive custody.
Both parents have equal opportunity for custody and rights to visitation and sue for custody.
But the truth is it gets complicated very fast.
Right.
And that's just true.
So you need to find someone who's confident in a lawn in your own area.
Some people do is they move to a different state to have the child.
Hoping that that law will take place.
There is a uniform child custody jurisdiction act in United States.
And so there is a law that most states have agreed to to adopt and so it's called interstate
compact concerning that law.
And because of that law, there are a lot of those questions that are similarly state.
However, as Dr. Paul says here.
You need to consult somebody in your own state who's confident and to understand the laws
in your state.
And not every attorney know family law.
Right.
And that's another thing.
I actually love family law because I love creating peace.
I love creating where there is a potential or I like looking the best interest of the
children and encouraging my clients to look at if you're going to have this child out
of wedlock and you have a dad out there, you've got to make sure that the children need both
parents.
Training after training after training, psychologically, we need 2 parents.
And that's just the truth.
And the law requires that both parents support the child.
And the child has a right to be supported by 2 parents.
And not just monetarily.
Also emotionally and other ways.
And that's just a wonderful thing.
Or can be wonderful thing.
But people need to step up.
So I hope that answers and addresses the question.
I think it does.
Thank you for that contribution today.
Thanks, Sid for your inputs.
Sid is one of our Live On Purpose certified coaches.
You can see him and the other coaches who are certified in this program at liveonpurpose.coach.