You know what I hate now? The stores they always, they want you to join their frequent shopper Club
That would be fine, but I don't want to be in the club, and I don't want all the questions, you know
I'm at Banana Republic getting a couple of things and she's there. You remember the super shoppers Club?
I go no no I don't want to be. Sign you up real quick you get 20% off all these purchases
I don't want to be in this stupid Club
You get 10% off all your future purchases. This is the third time. I'm telling you. I don't want to be in the club
She says we'll send you emails and tell you about upcoming sales
That's what I told her I said look. I'm wanted in six states
I'm a fugitive from justice that's why I can't be in the club
That's what I told her. And she said you just gave me your credit card. I said that's not my credit card
How long would I remain at-large? Handing out my actual credit card
And at the grocery store supermarket your PIN thing doesn't work in the deal
They want you to yell your phone number out in the middle of the store. That's not smart. Security, ladies
Don't yell your phone number out in the middle of the grocery store, not if I'm around
No, because I'll call you. I'll call you up. I called a lady a couple of weeks ago. Yeah, hello. Yeah, this is Dennis
Yeah, you probably don't remember me. Yeah, I was standing behind you in line at the grocery store
Yeah, I was wearing a brown shirt, but you were kind of ignoring me
But you gave me your phone number
Well, you didn't give it to me specifically, but I was there to catch it
Thought I'd give you call and see what's up, so what's up?
I'd come by your house. I don't know your address though
I can find it on the internet doing a $40 reverse look-up, but I thought you might save me the money
I'll come by and bring you some flowers
You know, I don't know what kind of flowers you like. There's so much about you I don't know
But I do know your phone number
My phone number no. I got that blocked caller ID
Yeah, you can not be too careful these days
Lot of nut jobs out there. Lot of wack jobs
The Starbucks is, what are they asking what my name is for? It's another business wanna know what my name is
Just give me a cup of coffee. I'll give you nine dollars. We'll call it a transaction.
I know they want to write it on the cup right? That's the way they operate, but that's not the way I operate
I've started doing this, they go, what's your name? It's, uh, Glarbsttentenford
What is it? It's Glarbsttentenford
It's spelled just the way it sounds, Glarbsttentenford. The common spelling
G-L, A-R-B, S-T, and another T
E-N, T-E-N
F-O-R-D
Glarbsttentenford
Some people just call me Glarb for short, but I prefer Glarbsttentenford
Glarbsttentenford
I recently did that, right, at Starbucks. I didn't have enough cash, I didn't have the nine dollars. So I had to use my credit card
Which has my real name on there. The guys like, your name is Dennis!
You're not Glarbsttentenford
You're not Glarbsttentenford at all. Why did you say you were? I'm like, yeah, you're right. Dennis. That's my given name
That is on my birth certificate. I got that when I was born but Glarbsttentenford is my nickname
Yeah, I got that when I was a really little kid
I got that early on because my sister Peggy was a little baby. She couldn't pronounce Dennis
And it just came out it came out Glarbsttentenford
And ever since said that what everybody calls me
my nephews, they called me Uncle Glarbsttentenford
I kind of like it. One thing, I don't like is I can't find a key chain with the name Glarbsttentenford on there
Or a Mini license plate from my bicycle
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