♪♪♪ ♪ DRINKING BOOZE
DRINKING AT THE OLD NEW YORK SHOW ♪
♪♪♪ >> Both: WITH MADGE AND DICKEY.
>> HELLO. HELLO, AND WELCOME TO "THE OLD
NEW YORK SHOW" WITH MADGE AND DICKEY."
>> I'M DICKEY --- POINTERS, AND THIS IS MY LIFE-LONG FRIEND AN
DRINKING COMPANION, MADGE CUTTINGTONBOOT.
>> IT'S TRUE, WE'VE LIVED ON THE 36th FLOOR OF THE BEAUTIFUL SHEA
BEAV IGS HOTEL. >> OVERLOOKING THE PORT
AUTHORITY BUS FESTIVAL. >> WE BROADCAST THIS SHOW FROM
OUR SHARED ROOM STRAIGHT TO THE HOTEL TV CHANNEL 1.
>> WE'VE LIVED IN THIS HOTEL FOR 50 YEARS.
>> YES, THERE'S A RULE ON THE BOOKS FROM GIULIANI THAT IF WE
STEP FOOT OUTSIDE WE HAVE TO GIVE IT UP.
SO WE LOVE YOU, RUDY. >> RUDY, COME BACK, PLEASE.
>> NOW YOU KNOW, NEW YORK USED TO BE DIFFERENT, BUT NOW IT'S
CHANGED. >> I GET MUGGED EVERY MORNING
AND EVERY NIGHT. >> 1994, EVERY APARTMENT WAS A
DOLLAR. DIGNIFIED.
MUSIC WAS LIKE THIS, NEVER SLOW. IT WAS DMORK.
NOW, THE SOUND OF DIAMONDS FALLING ON TO A MIRROR MEANS
IT'S TIME TO ADMIRE OUR BAUBLES. TWO, THREE, FOUR.
♪ GOLD RINGS ON AN OLD HAND ♪ GOLD RINGS
ON AN OLD HAND ♪ >> THAT WAS FUN, WASN'T IT?
>> SURE, YOU STUPID BITCH. >> SURE.
NOW, IT'S TIME TO INTRODUCE OUR GUESTS.
>> YES, TWICE NOW DICKEY AND I HAVE MARRIED THE SAME MAN.
>> ONE OF THEM'S DEAD, ONE OF THEM HERE'S TONIGHT.
PLEASE WELCOME MR. TERRY TEETS. ♪♪♪
>> THANK YOU, DARLING. YOU GIRLS DON'T LOOK A DAY
OVER 30. >> THANK YOU TERRY.
>> SO SWEET, SO SWEET. >> YOU LOOK A MILLION YEARS
OVER 30. >> WE LOVE YOU, WE LOVE YOU.
YOU KNOW, WE FIRST MET TERRY IN THE BERGDORF BATHROOM WHERE WE
WERE ALL SHOPLIFTING SILK. >> THAT'S RIGHT.
THE THREE OF US WERE STUFFING OUR BLOUSES WITH OTHER NICER
BLOUSES. >> WE WERE ALL PUT IN THE CELL
TOGETHER FOR THREE DAYS, AND WHEN WE LEFT WE WERE FRIENDS FOR
LIFE. >> YES, AND NOW TERRY, TELL THEM
WHAT YOU DO FOR A LIVING. >> WELL, BY DAY, I'M AN
UNEMPLOYED SHOE CRITIC. BY NIGHT, I'M AN USHER ON
BROADWAY WHERE I YELL AT LADIES TO PEE FASTER.
AND BY MORNING, I'M ASLEEP. >> WE HAD SOME GREAT TIMES
TOGETHER IN OLD NEW YORK. DIDN'T WE, TERRY?
>> OH, YES. THROWING COSTUME JEWELRY OFF THE
EMPIRE STATE BUILDING. >> FALLING OFF THE SIDE OF THE
STATEN ISLAND FERRY. >> OH, AND BLOWING ALL OUR CASH
BETTING ON ALLEY CATS DOWN AT THE GUTTER CASINO.
AND SPEAKING OF -- TWO, THREE, FOUR. ♪♪♪
♪ GUTTER CASINO, YOU WERE A MESS.
♪♪♪ >> AND NOW, THAT WAS OLD
NEW YORK. >> RUDY, RUDY COME BACK.
>> YES, RUDY. WE LOVE YOU.
>> YOU MADE IT GOOD. >> YOU KILLED ALL THE WHORES.
>> IT'S TRUE. >> OKAY, THE SOUND OF A RAT IN A
FRYER MEANS IT'S TIME FOR OUR BIG PRANK.
>> YES. OH, OKAY.
TERRY, CALL ROOM SERVICE, DEAR. >> ALL RIGHT.
>> HELLO? ROOM SERVICE.
DO YOU HAVE ANY TURD SOUP? >> YOU DON'T?
'CAUSE THAT'S MY FAVORITE FOOD. >> ANYWAY, WE'RE GONNA BOMB THE
WHOLE HOTEL. >> HANG UP.
HANG UP. >> I THINK THEY KNOW IT'S US,
BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW. >> YES, YES.
>> WELL, THEY CAN HANDLE IT. THEY GOT TO BE TOUGH.
WHY? 'CAUSE THIS IS NEW YORK CITY.
IT'S THE CITY OF TRAINS. >> TWO, THREE, FOUR.
♪♪♪ ♪ I TOOK THE G TO THE L
TO THE ONE TO THE Q TOOK THE CROSSTOWN SEVEN
TO THE UPTOWN TWO ♪ >> OH.
>> CONDUCTOR, THERE'S A PUDDLE ON MY SEAT.
WHAT SHOULD I DO? ♪♪♪
>> SIT ON IT, BABY. IT'S NEW YORK.
♪♪♪ ♪ AND THAT'S HOW I THINK
I GOT PEE ON MYSELF IN NEW YORK ♪
>> DE BLASIO YOU WIMP. >> THE SOUND OF BED BUGS
STAMPEDING OUT OF ELECTRICAL SOCKETS MEANS IT'S TIME TO GO TO
BED. >> THAT'S RIGHT.
THEY'RE HUNGRY FOR US. >> HEY, HEY, GALS, YOU MIND IF I
CRASH? I CAN'T STAY AT MY APARTMENT
TONIGHT BECAUSE IT'S BEEN A CVS FOR 20 YEARS.
>> OF COURSE. >> TERRY.
♪ IT'S THE OLD NEW YORK SHOW ♪
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]