Next, let's cruise on up to the only state with a Flavortown on the wrong side of the
Civil War: Georgia, where Governor Brian Kemp thinks our biggest coronavirus threat is the
masks that protect us from it. - Republican Governor Brian Kemp is banning
cities and counties from mandating masks. This as coronavirus cases continue to surge
in the state of Georgia. - This little new passage that explicitly
states that county and city governments cannot mandate masks or facial coverings.
Brian f— Kemp, you absolute knob. I wish we never didn't elect you. Kemp's reckless
"no mask, no problem" order was made the same day Georgia recorded its second-highest number
of coronavirus cases since the pandemic started, and the situation has only gotten worse. It's
Georgia's biggest health crisis since that time every wealthy man in Savannah came down
with a wicked spell of the horrible awfuls. Last week, Kemp sued Atlanta Mayor Keisha
Lance Bottoms for not obeying his "masks optional" order.
- The governor claims that it violates his executive order because the executive order
says you can not put any restrictions that exceed the order.
- This governor is taking taxpayer money to sue me personally, and the irony is that I
am now infected with COVID-19. For someone who hates masks, Governor Kemp
is getting Georgia more f— up than an Eyes Wide Shut party. Next up, we're rolling out
to Oklahoma! The state that puts the “OK” in Oklahoma, where Governor Kevin Stitt never
even bothered to issue a stay-at-home order. And in April, he began allowing mask-less
people inside hair salons, barbershops, and pet groomers. Basically any business that
involves hair. Oklahoma is averaging more than 600 new cases per day, including the
governor himself. - On the day that Oklahoma announced its single
highest day coronavirus case number, the governor says he has been tested positive with COVID-19.
The governor says despite this news, he will not issue a mask mandate in the state of Oklahoma.
Wow, I'm sorry that Kevin Stitt got coronavirus, but I'm glad that the worst thing to ever
happen to him is no longer that his name is Kevin's Tit. Please, Kevin's Tit was my dad's
name. Call me Kevin's Dirty Pillows. Finally, we're taking a special visit to Arizona, the
kickin' state where you don't Wona get Corona. There, Governor Doug Ducey has completely
bungled his state's pandemic response. Ducey is the former CEO of Coldstone Creamery, so
when coronavirus arrived in Arizona, he ordered a Gotta Have It.
- According to the state's Department of Health Services, nearly 124,000 people have tested
positive for the coronavirus as of Monday, and more than 2,200 have died, which is just
an immense loss of life in the state. Arizona reported more than 2,500 new infections on
Sunday, and over the past week, nearly 27% of coronavirus tests there came back positive.
That's a huge chunk of positive tests. In fact, it is the highest infection rate in
the nation. Finally, Arizona is number one in the nation
for something other than scorpion stings. Despite the rise in coronavirus cases, Arizona
has yet to mandate masks. - Governor Doug Ducey has essentially barred
cities and counties from taking measures that are any more strict than what he allows, and
for months, he refused to not only not have a statewide mask order, but he refused to
allow the cities and the counties to issue their own. He finally relented on that, and
a great many around the state did, but the enforcement of that is somewhat lax.
It's not surprising that Arizona would drag its feet on mandating masks. After all, in
1992, it became one of the last states to make Martin Luther King, Jr. Day an official
holiday—nine years after the U.S. government. I know that seems racist, but you gotta remember
it's a dry hate. These governors may be the worst in terms of state pandemic response,
but even more successful governors have struggled to contain the virus. New York may have flattened
its curve, but the state was initially slow to respond, and Governor Andrew Cuomo is prematurely
taking a victory lap. He's rolled out not one, not two, but three pieces of pandemic-related
art. And all of them look like something you'd find in a shut-in's apartment after they're
dead. If the outbreaks across the South and Sun Belt continue to spread northward, all
the progress we made from our lockdowns this spring may be erased. It is soul-crushing,
especially considering that other countries are able to manage this pandemic. New Zealand,
South Korea, and Germany are all safer because they've focused on science and provided consistent
messaging so people have clear directions to follow. I mean, granted, Germans are already
well known for following orders, but this time it's actually a good thing. America's
decentralization makes it hard to get our shit together when we really need to. We fetishize
individualism to the point that shared responsibility feels like oppression. Our "every state for
itself" system, with 50 uncoordinated responses, puts us all in danger. We need a unified strategy.
Preferably a strategy that permanently distances all of us from these people.