Now, you've been in the business, and I say business.
Yeah, what do you mean by that?
I don't even know.
Yeah. (audience laughing)
You've been around the block a few times.
(audience laughing)
Have you been campaigning?
You have that campaigning voice?
(Conan laughing)
I can do it!
That same...
Yeah, I've had a little bit of a cold,
I'm losing my voice. Wow.
A little bit. Yeah.
Sexy? You like it?
No. Okay.
(audience laughing)
You've met all the celebrities,
are you ever intimidated by a celebrity?
I would think at this point you've met everybody,
is there anyone you've ever met, who you thought,
like, oh my God, that person's an icon?
Well, I've met a lot of people that scared me.
I mean, now, you know, you do get used to it.
Right.
But usually it's an awkward situation, you know?
You say the wrong thing or something.
One time I was, this is like when I was doing SCTV,
so this is like '82 or something.
So I was on television a little bit,
but I wasn't, you know, that known,
but it was enough that occasionally
some people might recognize you.
And I got in a plane with my friend, Dick Blasucci,
we were flying across the country from LA to New York.
And it was first class, and it was like, you know,
big first class, and the seats were far ahead,
and suddenly I see Lucille Ball,
and, I guess, her manager. Right.
Comes on, and I'm thinking, wow, that's, and that's...
Lucille Ball is that.
Yeah, and that was, in-person, a vivid red!
Yeah, yeah, yeah! I mean, they don't
make red like that anymore!
I mean, it was like, so I thought, wow, that's kind of,
and she sits down, and she sits there.
And I'm kinda thinking, there's Lucille Ball.
So, then about, I don't know, 20 minutes into the flight,
she suddenly gets up, she's right, I'm behind her.
She gets up and turns around and says, "Excuse me!"
And I'm thinking, oh my god, she's,
Lucille Ball's recognizing...
This is great.
She goes, "Excuse me!
You kicked the back of my seat about three times,
would you stop doing that, thanks!"
(Conan and audience laughing)
Oh no!
Yeah, so I don't get it.
Right! I haven't, I mean,
cause I'd have to be like that, okay, I mean...
(everyone laughing)
It's just insane, so then I say, "Well.."
(Martin mumbling)
Right, right, right.
So then about 15 minutes later, she gets up,
"Look, I asked you nice before, I'm gonna ask you again,
stop kicking the back of my seat or I'll cry!"
(Martin wailing in Lucille Ball style)
(everyone laughing)
So, I'm now... That's crazy!
And you've done nothing! I've done nothing.
So, you know, I don't know what was going on,
and then, so about 15 minutes later after that,
the stewardess comes up and says,
"Excuse me, I've been asked by someone on the plane,
if you two would keep it down a little bit."
(audience giggling)
And then the stewardess kinda goes...
(Conan laughing)
So I trying to make my point say,
"I know where that's coming from,
it's coming from the couple in front.
And they have been obnoxious
since the start of this flight!"
At which point Lucy gets up again and says,
"Look, you kicked the back of my GD chair 50..."
And I was scared!
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! I was scared!
This is not the Lucy I knew! Right, right!
(audience laughing)
So I just... You don't love this Lucy!
(audience laughing)
I escared of this Lucy!
(everyone laughing)
Lucy, you escare me!
Yeah! (audience applauding)
So I kind of went like this,
and Dick Blasucci maintained I did Jackie Rogers, I said,
"I think you're a sick lady,
I think you're out of control, lady."
Or something like that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
And she looked at me and went, "Barry!"
And now the guy with her came up and said,
"What are you pointing at, little boy?"
(everyone laughing) Oh my god!
And he grabbed at my finger, and I pulled away,
and he grabs at my finger! I pull it away again!
So then now, they turn around, now I'm scared!
Yeah, yeah!
And I'm sittin' there. Now you're scared, yeah!
And oh well... I'd have jumped
off the plane, like, ten minutes ago!
Well now the story gets really weak,
(everyone laughing) because the stewardess came up
and suggested, it was a packed first-class,
that we move into business.
Right, right.
And she said, and you know,
if you move to calm things down,
we'll give you a free bottle of wine.
Which didn't make sense,
cause liquor was free in first-class.
It wasn't that, you know...
Yeah, wow, oh! (Conan clapping)
God forbid it was a free ticket or something!
So that was the story, then we didn't say anything.
She got off the plane, and then when we went to New York,
we met, I had dinner with John Candy...
Yes. And Bill Murray,
and John was so mad upon hearing the story,
he wanted to say, "Let's go and find her!
(everyone laughing) We'll go to her hotel
and find her!" What do you mean, find her?
And do what?
Yeah, exactly, "We'll let her know what we think!"
(everyone laughing)
You hold her, and I'll get her!
That's not gonna go over well!
Yeah, yeah, so I just said, no,
the worst I would do is find out where she was staying,
and just phone and hang up a lot!
(everyone laughing) That'll show her!
No, actually it was a time, I think that...
That's great, that's crazy.
And now, however, that was 1982.
Since then, Dick has acknowledged that we were loud,
and she was right.
I don't know, he's changed his story!
You were kicking her chair?
No, I wasn't kicking her chair, but he said,
"Oh, you know what?
When you think of it, you're pretty obnoxious,
I bet she had a point."
(audience laughing)
That changes everything.
No, not really, I just wanted to soften the story
cause Lucy's gone. (everyone laughing)
I love Lucy!
(audience cheering) You're right,
we don't wanna...
She's the greatest comedic icon in the world,
she had an off day!
Yes, and you had it coming, you're a bad guy!
See!
The Spiderwick Chronicles,
out now? Yes!
This is a brilly, it opens tomorrow,
it is a brilliant movie, it's fantastic!
And I am the voice of Thimbletack, the odd little gnome.
You know, they film you as you're doing the voice.
Yeah. The rest is live action,
and I am the one who controls this book.
And at times I become evil!
I kinda like, you know, Tom Cruise when he forgets Prozac,
or something like that!
(everyone laughing)
But it's a phenomenal movie, it's really,
really quite amazing.
It's kind of like ET meets Harry Connick.
No, not Harry Connick,
Harry, no, no! What?
(everyone laughing) No, no, no, Harry Potter!
Harry, yeah!
Not Harry Connick! (audience laughing)
I think ET should meet Harry Connick!
(everyone laughing)
They might get along!
What are you talking about? What a bad movie
that would be! ET meets Harry Connick!
I hope that shows up as a quote,
(Martin laughing) "It's ET meets Harry Connick!
Go see it!" (audience laughing)
I would love to see that.
Says Larry King! (Conan laughing)
Yeah, Larry King, that's something he would say!
Yeah.
The Spiderwick Chronicles is in theaters now,
go and see it. (fist banging desktop)
One of the most fun people to talk to on television,
Martin Short!
(audience cheering) Thank you so much!
Woody Allan coming up, we'll be right back!