- So one of my favorite Instagram accounts
is Nicole LePera, a.k.a. The Holistic Psychologist.
She just breaks down and articulates certain concepts
like the mother wound, the mind-gut connection,
disassociation so well.
And today she actually shared this post
about common core beliefs that just resonated with me.
Every single one felt like very relatable
or exactly like someone I knew.
And I'm pretty sure that Nicole just wakes up every day
and chooses personal attack, and I love it,
I'm living for it.
So LePera explains that a core belief
is a belief created in the subconscious mind
between birth to age seven
that a person has internalized as a truth or a reality.
The reticular activating system, RAS,
is this bundle of nerves in the brainstem
that filters out information from our environment
to confirm our core beliefs.
So once you have a core belief, it's basically a filter
that you're looking at reality,
and you experience confirmation bias.
So becoming conscious of our core beliefs will allow us
to unlearn the ones that we do not like
and make new decisions to create new responses.
You ready? Here we go.
Common core belief number one.
I am not worthy, good enough, something is wrong with me.
Ha ha, it's me.
The adult behaviors displayed by this belief
are self-betrayal, negative self-talk, procrastination,
chronic fear of criticism, performing or playing a role
and denying one's own needs and boundaries.
Common core belief number two.
I must betray myself or parts of myself
in order to be loved and chosen.
The adult behaviors show up as codependency patterns,
enabling partners who harm you and themselves,
fear of stating your own needs,
a lack of boundaries and inability to be vulnerable,
avoidance of romantic relationships
or losing yourself in romantic relationships.
Common core belief number three.
I must compete, smear or tear down others
in order to win or get what I want.
The adult behaviors are fear-based decision making,
an inability to collaborate,
assuming everyone has negative intentions
or is out to get you,
black and white polarized thinking
and the inability to see a perspective of another.
Common core belief number four.
People will never stay and will always abandon them.
This shows up in adults as insecure attachment
in romantic relationships, push and pull behaviors,
an inability to follow through with tasks,
controlling tendencies and impulsive behaviors
like shopping a ton or changing jobs,
or quitting a relationship without being intentional
or fully thinking these things through.
Common core belief number five.
I am unlucky and good things do not happen to me.
The adult behaviors are sarcasm as a coping mechanism,
playing small, fear over revealing dreams,
goals and aspirations, chronic complaining
and emotional dumping as connection.
And finally, for your last attack,
common core belief number six.
I am not safe and the world is not safe.
This shows up as addiction or negative behaviors
as an attempt to regulate the nervous system,
isolation, high reactivity, defensiveness,
over independence and a lack of resilience.
So chances are, some, if not all not all of these,
really spoke to you.
And if you think about it,
what are the phrases that you have ultimately heard
in your family dynamic again and again
that solidified some of these beliefs for you?
So my parents, although inadvertently,
reinforced the messaging that achievement is everything,
that am only worth as much as my productivity
or my education,
and that the world wasn't safe
so I had to enroll in an adult karate class
when I was a child
because they thought I would most likely be attacked
by an adult as a child and must be able to defend myself.
And then also I had to conform to the idea of a good girl,
a.k.a. just basically being obedient
in order to be loved and chosen.
I really loved this post from her,
'cause I felt like it articulated and demonstrated
so much of what we live out unconsciously.
And as you know, as I harp for years and years,
awareness is the first step towards seeing the invisible
and subconscious patterns that guide us.
And if we don't like our lives, and our choices,
and what we're believing,
then once we become aware of them, we can change them.
And LePera is all about how to heal
these various childhood wounds that we carry around,
that we just fricking hate.
And she says healing is about creating a new perspective,
intentionally practicing new thoughts and new beliefs,
challenging our old ones and stepping away
from the beliefs that create these unwanted patterns.
It is about consciously creating who you wish to be.
So which of the six beliefs are you working to unlearn?
I'm Anna Akana, and thank you to the Patreons
who supported today's video.
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