- I love those thumbnails that are like
pointing out a word.
I didn't post on Friday like I normally do, why?
Why you might ask?
Because I had nothing to say.
Usually, even when I have nothing to say
I can figure out something to say
just so I can have a video ready to go.
But recently,
recently, I have been
quite depressed.
And so it's more difficult to kind of
pull something out of nothing,
pull something out of my ear, if you will.
I do want you to know that I'm gonna try
not to just disappear.
I'll try to at least leave a video saying,
Hey, I'm taking some time off,
if I ever decide to do that.
It's amazing though, even big YouTubers
who have like a million or more subscribers
will sometimes just disappear for months on end.
And you know, I get it.
You have a life and you don't want to put it all on YouTube.
Like what was it?
Boyinaband, he has like a million,
two million subscribers.
He was just off of YouTube for a few months,
no word on where he went.
And then he just came back recently
and it was 'cause he was really depressed.
Luckily for me, my whole channel
is based around me being depressed
so I can just keep talking about it, and I'll have content.
The depression I'm feeling now
is weird,
because
it's not like something that I've talked about in the past
where it's like, I just wanna lay in bed
and I feel like punched in the gut by it.
This is the kind of depression where I like
stare at the wall for an hour.
I haven't literally done that.
But that's it's like you.
It just feels like you don't wanna do anything.
And it's the kind of depression where you don't realize
that you're depressed until you look back and you're like,
Oh, am I depressed?
I'm getting no pleasure out of anything in life
except alcohol, does that mean I'm depressed?
Probably, that was another reason.
I probably shouldn't admit this,
but that was another reason why on Friday,
I didn't upload a video because
I had had too much to drink and I just couldn't,
I'm not gonna upload a video where I'm drunk.
I've done it once, I'm not doing it ever again,
the only video I've put up and then deleted.
I mean, it was kind of funny though.
It was about, it was like, I only had like, 90 subscribers,
so I didn't really care what I put up.
So I put up a video.
It was right after daylight savings time,
and I was just like,
why do we have to do daylight savings time?
Why can't we just like be normal people with a normal clock,
and it performed so poorly, that I was just like,
you know what, let's get this, let's get this out of here.
One of the difficult things about the stuff
that I talk about on my channel is
in the moment there's this big conundrum because
clearly,
some of it feels exploitive, exploitative,
exploitative because it's like, do you just want attention?
Is that what you're?
Is that what you're getting at?
What is the point here?
I don't, the point, what is the point?
What am I doing?
I definitely, what I'm going for
when I talk about any negative stuff,
I'm not trying to get you to say, oh, it'll be better.
Like
I don't, how about this,
let's come up with some code words
that you can use in the comments.
Instead of saying, Oh, I'm sorry to hear you're feeling bad.
Say something else like
(gentle music)
I can't think of it,
but think, just say something funny and
kind of absurd
what was I even talking about
See this the other thing that,
my brain just doesn't work anymore.
My brain is screwed up.
Lets see depression,
yeah, people get in front of the camera.
Alright, here's what I was going for,
like it can feel good for me to extrovert my feeling
and talk about how I'm feeling
and to kind of work through it
'cause sometimes I don't even really know what I'm feeling
until I talk about it.
But, you know, I'm being vulnerable in the moment.
But then, once I've moved beyond it,
it's kind of weird for the videos to still be on YouTube,
you know, 'cause I'm still,
I'm like retroactively vulnerable.
There are some videos
that I really just wanna take down because,
well, for the most part,
it's because I don't think they're very good,
and I'm very critical.
And when you're on YouTube, you can relate to this
if you've ever done YouTube consistently,
which I've sort of done for a couple months now,
like a week on YouTube is like a month,
it feels like a month.
So like a month feels like a year.
Every video I make is the best video I've made, I think,
like I keep getting better.
So when I look back at videos that I made in like February
or January, I'm like, Oh my gosh, what a, oh they're so bad.
Even videos I made just like a couple weeks ago.
I'm like, ah, its not very good,
why did I ever put that out there?
First of all, I keep them up because for some reason,
it seems like people still relate to them
and get something out of it.
So to my chagrin, I leave them up,
but also I think just out of a kind of artistic honesty
or whatever I keep them up.
I don't know, maybe not honesty,
maybe it's just like completeness.
I'm a completist I like everything to be there.
Even if I don't like it anymore.
No, I'm not gonna re-upload the drunk
daylight savings time video that's gone forever.
I actually deleted it, I didn't just make it private,
I deleted it.
It's also embarrassing because most people
when they come to my channel, the first video they see
is either
the INFJ fade, the INFJ stare,
or why INFJs leave relationships.
It's usually one of those three.
And none of them are very good.
I think the INFJ stare is okay,
'cause I kept it very short.
It's like five minute video.
It's like succinct man.
You know, when I made that video,
I don't think I even had 1000 subscribers.
So there's a learning curve
and you learn how to act in front of a camera
and maybe one day I will have learned that but,
like I'm getting, I think I'm getting better.
I think I'm also getting more expressive as time goes on.
Someone in a comment recently said you're not INFJ,
you're too expressive.
And I'm like, ah,
it's ironic because,
that's the other thing is that some of these old videos
I say stuff that's like, kind of unclear
and could be interpreted as being wrong not true.
Or maybe I just said the wrong thing like I said,
in the INFJ fade, INFJs can be expressionless.
Now my, can sometimes be expressionless
so there are my wiggle words
so I can get out of there can be, sometimes, expressionless,
which is true,
I think any introvert can be expressionless sometimes
when you're just in observation mode,
but when an INFJ is using that extroverted feeling,
they get a bit expressive.
See, that's my expressiveness.
Whereas say an INFP, if you know enough INFPs
you can see like what
there's a kind of un-expressiveness with them.
Where you're never really sure what's going on.
Whereas I think INFJs are almost like trying
to make sure you know what's going on with their face
to a point where sometimes it can see them over the top.
If you're using your extroverted feeling
if you're not, if it's not very well developed,
then you can be unexpressive.
So, basically that is to say anyone can do anything.
I don't know, maybe the INFPs will get offended,
they'll be like, "dude, I'm expressive.
"Look how expressive, I am so expressive."
It's not that INFPs aren't expressive.
It's just that it's kinda, it feels like kind of
lukewarm expressiveness, while you're not really sure,
are they being real right now?
What's going on?
I'm gonna get in so much trouble for saying this.
This is just my unverified opinions of one guy,
one idiot on YouTube from one idiot to another.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, you're not an idiot.
What is this vlog about?
Can someone tell me?
Anyway, I'm very depressed,
I feel truly lost and hopeless
and like, I don't know what I'm doing.
And it's difficult for me to make videos
when I feel like that because it's like
it's difficult, it's a difficult balance
to come to make a video about something
from some kind of place of authority.
You know, sometimes my channel gets kind of this
selp healf, selp healf (laughs)
oh dear, shoot me now
self help vibe.
Or like self improvement vibe.
You know, like some of these other
a-hole channels.
Where I'm trynna like like,
let's get enlightened man,
let's get enlightened together, you and me.
What kind of jerk?
Who am I to tell you anything?
Like let's get real.
The only thing that I have the any authority to tell you
is how, how I feel what's going on up here.
That's the only authority I have.
Even like explaining Myers Briggs stuff,
it's sort of like
I don't have the firmest grasp on it all.
I'm not an expert, I'm not trained in it.
I looked into the the Myers Briggs training
'cause there's one near me in, maybe it's next month,
but it's like, it's expensive.
It's like a few thousand dollars, I offer what?
See, the thing is,
I worry that, I would, I would like do this training,
spend 3000 or whatever for a three day training.
And then as I'm going through it,
realize this is just stuff I could have learned online
for free, on like YouTube.
This is why People say Myers Briggs
is like a big scam.
Because the actual official Myers Briggs company
seems like they're only in it for the money.
Like that Frank Zappa album,
"We're Only in it For The Money,"
whereas I think there is something useful
in Myers Briggs personality typing,
but
I want to make a response video to
Vox made a video called
Why The Myers Briggs Test is Meaningless
or something like that.
The salient point that they make
is that the test itself is flawed,
but then they go and try to make it seem like
well, because of that,
the whole thing is meaningless and worthless.
And plus, it's an irritating video,
plus it has a million views.
So maybe I can swipe some of those views
if I make a response video.
Of course, it was made like two years ago.
So I'm a little bit late.
You know, I don't really like that kind of journalism,
where it's like, you know this thing,
it's actually meaningless, you should stop doing it,
You should stop following it.
It's like this really condescending tone like
we know better than you, so you ought to just drop it.
Hey, gotcha, you suck.
You know this thing you believed?
You know, God, he's not real,
we found it out through this mathematical equation.
Speaking of offending people,
I got my first comment this week of someone who said,
I unsubscribed
'cause they got offended,
'cause I made a joke at the end of one of the videos.
Which one was it?
I made a joke, where I said, "If I'm mistyped,
"I hope I'm ESTP,
'cause that would be the greatest story ever told."
I was just riffing off of that
and saying it would be the greatest story ever told,
you could make a movie about it
and show it instead of that movie about Jesus
'cause there's a movie about Jesus
called "The Greatest Story Ever Told."
And I said you could show that instead.
And it's this thing I do occasionally called a joke.
And this person got offended and said,
did you really just mock Jesus?
I unsubscribed.
And it's sad 'cause this person
was like a regular commenter
but apparently couldn't take a joke.
I didn't mock Jesus I made,
I connected a movie title to something absurd like
some nobody like me being mistyped in a personality test.
Like it's funny.
But some people can't joke
about anything relating to the things they hold dear.
And I hope if that,
if you who unsubscribed if you happen to be watching,
I'm sorry that you misunderstood my joke
and got offended at something
you shouldn't have been offended by.
You know, I'm, I haven't really gone in depth
about my religious journey, my spiritual journey,
like my views on Christianity and all that.
And so I think because I haven't been explicit about it,
people assume whatever they want.
People assume that I'm, you know, some anti Christian,
something and other people assume that I'm like,
you know, fundamentalist Christian.
Its really like whatever you wanna project on me,
you probably could.
So maybe I'll make a video going into depth
about my boring story of religion
and all that,
'cause it's somewhat interesting.
So maybe I'll make a video going into depth
about my boring story,
'cause it's somewhat interesting.
like to give you a preview,
I feel like I'm in a religious no man's land,
where I don't really fit anywhere.
With no religion, and no lack of religion.
I feel like there's no,
there's no group that I found
that really does want I want it to do.
As selfish as that may seem,
I'm also toying with the idea of,
when it comes around to August,
don't hold me to this,
but I'm thinking I wanna try vlogging every day
or at least five days a week.
Not because I think it would be good
but because I wanna see what happens
when I force myself to create every day.
Where can I go with that?
In other news, one of my regular commenters, Martin,
he said, "Dude, you stalled out in subscribers,
what are we gonna do?"
The reason it's stalling is because
a Myers Briggs channel
can really only get to like 20,000 maximum.
Look around, there's no,
there's no channel that's Myers Briggs specific
that is above 20k that I have seen.
So I'm gonna have to branch,
I mean, I already branch beyond that.
I make videos like this.
I hope that when I branch out
and do other crazy stuff,
you all wont abandon me, because I have abandonment fears.
And if you abandon me
and leave a comment saying I unsubscribed
you're gonna have to fish me out of the river.
(gentle music)
Alright, so let me end on.
Let me end on a good note.
Because no note in here has been good so far.
In my talking about my guitars,
segments, here's my most recent guitar.
It's a Martin, shoot,
I don't even remember what the model is of this.
00 15 or is it an 18, I forget.
I suck, I don't even know what this is.
Oh, it's probably written in the side of the guitar.
Nope, it's not.
Yeah, yeah, there it is.
It's a triple zero 15M with the sunburst finish.
This is my first American made guitar
and my first Martin,
it's a little expensive.
Have but I got it used, off of reverb.com
from a music store in Indiana
and this was like the floor model.
So it's not really that used.
It was just in a music store.
It's such a great guitar, it was worth the money.
(playing guitar)
(humming)
Everyone will be like I unsubscribed
when he did that doo doo doo.
People asked in the last video,
why didn't you play the bass?
Well remember that thing I said the wiring didn't work?
That's why, and if I played it unplugged,
it wouldn't sound like much.
This is a great guitar, I love it.
I bought it December 2016,
I actually featured it in one of my first videos,
it was not very good, don't, don't watch it.
Alright, so this is gonna be a nightmare to edit.
But thanks for watching.
Thanks for watching, winners will be notified
leave a like or two,
subscribe if you haven't already
and for some reason if this convinced you to subscribe,
I hope to see you again really soon.
Till next time,
stay cool and attractive.
(upbeat music)