(electronic music)
- Hi, honey!
Ugly, God.
DC.
Should be called Desperate Clams.
That's what DC is.
I mean, not a hot one in the bunch.
You gotta go all the way to Annapolis to find any puss.
- [Protestors] Hey, hey, ho, ho.
Donald Trump has got to go.
Hey, hey, ho, ho!
- This is way too much traffic, way more than normal.
These people wandering around, yelling,
"No tax, tax this, tax that."
I thought we already did this?
What's everyone still complaining about?
- [Donald] So many hippies.
Hey!
Excuse me, you old hippie, you're wrong.
You're totally wrong, and you're totally self-involved.
This is perfect.
Stop the car.
- Unbelievable.
Look at these guys.
Where's your husbands, where's your husbands?
You shouldn't be free.
It's the weekend, it's laundry time.
It's laundry time.
(protestors chanting)
- Knock off the secrecy, Mr. President,
and publicly release your own tax return.
- [All] Knock it off, knock it off.
- You don't know what I'm gonna release,
but it's gonna be a full release when I do it.
Haven't you ever been to a massage parlor?
- We are here to say today, show us the damn tax returns.
(audience cheering)
- What a wonderful little girl.
You wanna take a picture with me?
- Let's just do it and then be done, okay?
- We are fed up, we're fed up with billionaires
bragging that they pay next to nothing in taxes.
(audience cheering)
Well today, across the country,
Americans are calling bullshit.
(audience cheering)
- [Donald] Typical self-involved protestor.
I don't like them.
We need to get rid of these people.
- Next, I have the honor of introducing
a warrior progressive
who fights daily for an America where
we have an equal say.
An advocate on the front line in Congress
to stop Trump's dangerous agenda.
- Excuse me.
Hey!
Excuse me!
You idiot.
I'm here everybody.
(crowd roars)
Thank you so much.
So many wonderful people.
Such a large crowd.
And it's so great.
It's so great.
And so many of you support me.
And you're here to see me.
And I'm so pleased.
(crowd boos)
Is the wind dying down now?
What's the big deal about releasing my tax returns?
First off, I claimed Ivanka as three dependents.
My daughter, my mother, and my wife.
So what.
I owe 50 million dollars to Deutsche Bank.
Who cares?
That's publicly known.
But what you don't know is I know where
all the Nazi gold is hidden.
(inaudible)
I have it.
Just because I have dirty ties to Azerbaijan,
I have so many ties Azerbaijan.
I have ties to Russia.
But what you don't know in my tax returns
is I have the original, uncut,
David Hasselhoff video of him eating a burger
off the floor.
Remember that?
So if we want to release the tax returns,
we can do it.
Boys, let's get the taxes.
Where are they?
Aren't you glad I'm not in Mar a Lago today?
So we have these taxes,
and we're going to release them.
And I want you to know
that everyone can look at them now.
And we're all equal, right?
So let's release them boys!
Release the taxes.
There we go.
Releasing the taxes.
I told Jerry to shred my taxes,
but I thought 'shred' was Yiddish for collate.
We're going to make America great again, folks.
Thank you so much!
- [Crowd] Lock him up!
Lock him up!
(bombastic symphonic music)