- Hey everybody, happy Monday.
Today's video is all about how to have a real conversation
with someone who may be suicidal.
And if you didn't know, this week
is National Suicide Prevention Week.
So both of my videos will touch on important
and hopefully life-saving ways to prevent suicide.
Because it can and will get better if we work together.
And that's why this week, I am adding
a donate button to both of my videos
to help raise money for Crisis Text Line.
And if you don't know, Crisis Text Line
is a non-profit that provides free 24/7
and confidential support for those who are in crisis,
all via text messaging.
Your generous donation allows 'em
to help individuals in crisis
and save lives every day.
So hit that donate button now to support what they do.
And I just wanna say this, if you are currently in crisis
or just wanting to talk to someone,
you could reach out to the Crisis Text Line right now
by texting BEGIN to 741 741.
And that's if you're in the U.S.
But if you're in Canada,
you can text CONNECT to 686 868.
And in the U.K., text SHOUT to 852 58.
Or call your local suicide hot line,
which I will put a link to as many as I can figure out
in the description down below.
Now today I want to discuss how we can best communicate
with someone in our life who may currently be suicidal.
And obviously I know we won't always know
if someone is suicidal, but that's why
I wanna start out with giving you
some warning signs to look out for.
And the first warning sign is if they haven't been calling,
texting, or as socially active as usual.
In other words, they're isolating.
And the second warning sign
is if we know they have a history of depression.
Maybe they've talked to us about it before
or we know they've gotten treatment in the past.
And the third warning sign, if they've given away
any of what we think are their prized possessions.
Maybe it's one of their favorite items
or something that has a lotta sentimental value.
If they're giving those things away,
that's a really big red flag.
And the fourth red flag is they've been
drinking alcohol or substance abuse issues.
If that's been increasing, look out for that.
Or for the fifth sign, they've been sleeping a lot.
Like most of the day every day.
Now there are a lot of other signs and symptoms
to be aware of, but hopefully that gives you
some idea of what to look out for.
And of course, know that someone else's mental health
and safety is not your responsibility.
All we can do is check in with them,
work to have a possibly awkward conversation,
and support them in their recovery.
They are the ones that have to want to get better
and do the hard work in therapy.
We know how hard that is and we all know
that no one else can make us get better, right.
We have to want to do it ourselves.
So just remember that.
No my first tip for starting this conversation
is to number one, ask questions and listen.
And I know many people worry
that by even bringing up suicide,
that you can make it worse for someone.
But trust me, it's actually so, so much better
to bring it up and to talk about it
and give them a safe space to express what's going on.
So often I get messages from people
who are struggling with suicidal thoughts
and they share how they feel like they just
can't deal with it on their own anymore.
Or that they just don't know
how to even tell someone about it.
By being the one who starts that conversation
and ask them how they're doing,
if they are in fact having thoughts of suicide,
we give the person hurting a chance
to unburden themselves from it.
And so make sure you listen
and give them a chance to tell you
what it's like for them,
tell you what's really going on and how they feel.
And do your best not to assume that you know
or that you understand how they feel,
especially if we haven't felt that ourselves.
Oftentimes when we're feeling this dark and hopeless,
we really just need to vent
all that we've been holding inside.
So let them vent for a while
before sharing any thoughts you might have about it, okay.
Now my second tip is don't try to fix it.
I know, I know, we love them
and we want them to feel better,
but this isn't something we can fix.
We can't make those hopeless thoughts go away
or change their perception of a situation.
And in all honesty, doing this can be really invalidating.
I mean, just think about it for a second.
If you've been hurting for what feels like forever,
and when you finally tell someone about it,
they say something like ah, don't worry, it'll get better.
I mean, think about it, you have so much going for you,
so many people like you, you have a great job.
While these types of comments
have the greatest of intentions,
they aren't really what we need at the time.
What we need is someone to just listen,
ask questions that help them better understand
what we're actually going through, and to be there for us.
Otherwise it can seem like we're being judged
for how we feel and what we're going through.
So just try to focus on offering
compassion and understanding,
and just let them tell you how it is for them.
My third tip, offer real support.
And what I mean by that is to offer to help them
find a mental health professional.
Or take them to appointments.
Help pay for it if you can.
Or simply check in on them regularly
and see how they're doing.
By doing those first two tips that I already talked about,
we should have a pretty good idea of what's going on
and how they're feeling, and we could even ask them
how we could best support them.
And they may not know right away, but if you have some ideas
of what you want to do, just ask if that's okay
or if they find that helpful.
This could help them better see what to ask for
or what to let you know they just don't really need.
My next tip is to stick with them.
Now I know that kinda sounds a bit odd,
but many of you have told me that the reason
you waited so long to speak up and reach out
is because you were afraid of people leaving you
or saying you were too much of a burden
and you feel worse that you did before.
So it's like why tell anybody, right?
So reassuring your loved one
that you will stick with them through this
and that you're happy to support them
and be there for them will go a long way.
And yeah, you may need to remind them of this
a couple of times, and obviously actually do it,
but check in on them.
Make plans with them.
And listen to them.
'Cause being suicidal means that we don't feel worth it.
It can feel really hopeless and it can feel
like our world is just going to fall apart at any second,
so the more reassurance you can give them, the better.
And finally, my fifth tip, take care of yourself.
Dealing with someone who is suicidal can be very stressful,
especially if they're one of our really close loved ones.
So make sure you're taking time to decompress
after interactions with them.
Maybe making time to vent your own issues to friends,
family, or even your own therapist.
This can not only help you feel better,
but it will also allow you to keep supporting them
throughout their journey.
Also, this can help make sure
you're managing healthy boundaries,
which are so important because,
like I said at the beginning, you are not responsible
for their recovery or overall wellness.
They are.
But you can support and assist when needed along the way.
So if you aren't feeling your best,
maybe you're irritable, super tired,
or having your own struggles,
know that it's okay to take some time for yourself.
In fact, it's preferred.
And I know there are so many people out there
who are suffering and don't know how to talk about it,
so maybe if we try to be the ones to bring it up first,
we can get them help more quickly.
I honestly see so many questions
asking how we can help someone
that we love who's having a hard time.
And that just gives me so much hope
because that means that we all have people in our lives
who want to support and love us.
So I hope that helps you know
just where to start that conversation.
And as always, if you feel that I left anything out
or you think of this in a totally different way,
please let me know in those comments down below.
And don't forget to hit that donate button
and help out Crisis Text Line.
But I will see you next time, bye.
(gentle upbeat music)