DONALD TRUMP IS STILL IN THE NEWS.
YOU GUYS HAVE HEARD OF HIM?
ONE OF THE BIGGEST ISSUES HE'S TRYING TO TACKLE IS INNER-CITY
VIOLENCE.
LUCKILY, HE RECENTLY GOT AN INSIDE TIP ON HOW TO STOP ALL
THE CRIME IN CHICAGO.
>> ALL I KNOW IS THIS.
I WENT TO A TOP POLICE OFFICER IN CHICAGO WHO IS NOT THE POLICE
CHIEF AND HE-- I COULD SEE BY THE WAY HE WAS DEALING WITH HIS
PEOPLE, HE WAS A ROUGH, TOUGH GUY.
THEY RESPECTED HIM GREATLY.
I SAID, "HOW DO YOU STOP THIS?
HOW DO YOU STOP THIS?" HE SAID, "MR. TRUMP, I WOULD BE
ABLE TO STOP IT IN ONE WEEK."
AND I BELIEVED HIM, 100%.
>> Stephen: IF YOU THINK THAT'S IMPRESSIVE, HE ALSO SAW THIS
MOVIE ABOUT HOW THIS TOP ROBO-POLICEMAN WHO FIXED ALL OF
DETROIT IN TWO HOURS.
AND HOW'S THE MAGICAL PO-PO MAN GOING TO CLEAN UP CHI-TOWN?
DON'T ASK DONALD.
>> BUT HE DIDN'T TELL YOU EXACTLY, PRECISELY, HOW.
>> NO, I DIDN'T ASK HIM BECAUSE I'M NOT THE MAYOR OF CHICAGO.
BUT I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.
I SENT HIS NAME IN, AND I SAID, "YOU PROBABLY SHOULD HIRE THIS
GUY."
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: SO LET'S RECAP
HERE.
DONALD TRUMP CLAIMS HE MET A TOP POLICE OFFICER WHO SAID HE COULD
SOLVE CHICAGO'S CRIME FASTER THAN IT TAKES TO PAINT A HOUSE,
AND TRUMP'S RESPONSE WAS, "THANK YOU.
I HAVE NO FOLLOW-UPS."
BUT HE WAS SO IMPRESSED, THAT HE SAYS HE PASSED THE GUY'S NAME TO
THE MAYOR.
AND IN RESPONSE, "A SPOKESMAN FOR MAYOR RAHM EMANUEL SEEMED
SLIGHTLY CONFUSED BY TRUMP'S APPARENT SUGGESTION THAT THE
CHICAGO POLICE HIRE SOMEONE WHO ALREADY WORKED FOR THE CHICAGO
POLICE."
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) YEAH.
I GOTTA SAY, THE MARR'S SPOKESMAN MAKES A GOOD POINT.
THE MAYOR SHOULD REALLY HIRE THAT GUY.
BUT IF TRUMP REALLY DOES HAVE A SOLUTION, THEY'RE OPEN TO IT.
CHICAGO'S POLICE SUPERINTENDENT RECENTLY-.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) I BELIEVE, I BELIEVE THAT'S A
NEW ONE ON SHOW 20 WO.
I CALLED HIM CHICAGO'S POLICE SUPERINTESTENT.
CHICAGO'S POLICE SUPERINTENDENT RECENTLY SAID TO TRUMP, "IF YOU
HAVE A MAGIC BULLET TO STOP THE VIOLENCE, LET US KNOW."
OKAY, LET ME JUST SAY HERE-- A MAGIC BULLET TO STOP VIOLENCE?
KIND OF A POOR CHOICE OF WORDS.
THAT'S LIKE SAYING, "IF YOU HAVE AN IDEA OF HOW TO REDUCE KNIFE
VIOLENCE, TAKE A STAB AT IT!" ( LAUGHTER )
OR, "IF YOU KNOW OF A WAY TO STOP ARSON IN THE CITY, FIRE
AWAY!" OR "IF YOU'VE GOT A NEW PLAN FOR
PREVENTING KIDNAPPINGS, TAKE IT AWAY, BABY!"
BUT SORRY, POLICE DEPARTMENT-- DONALD TRUMP DIDN'T BECOME A
FAKE BILLIONAIRE BY WORKING FOR FREE.
IF YOU WANT DONALD TRUMP'S SUPER-SECRET, CRIME-FIGHTING
PLAN, YOU HAVE TO ELECT HIM PRESIDENT.
DO YOU THINK HE WOULD JUST STOP SENSELESS VIOLENCE OUT OF THE
GOODNESS OF HIS HEART?
BUT THE QUESTION REMAINS: WHO WAS THIS TOP COP THAT TRUMP MET
WITH?
BECAUSE THE CHICAGO POLICE DEPARTMENTS SAYS, "NO ONE IN THE
SENIOR COMMAND HAS EVER MET WITH DONALD TRUMP OR A MEMBER OF HIS
CAMPAIGN."
OKAY, TWO POSSIBLE ANSWERS: EITHER TRUMP MADE HIM UP, OR THE
COP WAS JUST DEEP UNDER COVER AS A FIGMENT OF TRUMP'S
IMAGINATION.
BUT WE DID A LITTLE DIGGING, AND I AM HAPPY TO SAY WE HAVE THE
COP THAT TRUMP SPOKE TO HERE TONIGHT.
PLEADS WELCOME LIVE FROM CHICAGO VIA SATELLITE, OFFICER ROD
JOHNSON.
>> HAPPY TO BE HERE, STEPHEN.
>> Stephen: SO YOU MET WITH DONALD TRUMP?
>> THAT'S CORRECT.
I WAS ON MY WAY TO INVESTIGATE A NOISE DISTURBANCE, AND MR. TRUMP
STOPPED ME TO ASK HOW WE COULD CLEAN UP THIS CITY.
I TOLD HIM THERE'S SOME NAUGHTY PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO NEED TO BE
IN CUFFS.
>> Stephen: WAIT, NAUGHTY-- WHAT KIND OF COP ARE YOU?
>> I'M A ROUGH, TOUGH COP, STEPHEN.
I'M NOT AFRAID TO GET DOWN AND DIRTY.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: WELL, I GOTTA SAY,
THAT SOUNDS ALL WELL AND GOOD, BUT HOW ARE YOU GOING TO FACE
DOWN CRIMINALS IF YOU'RE NOT EVEN CARRYING A GUN?
>> OH, I'VE GOT GUNS.
♪ ♪ ♪ ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
STEPHEN, YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SEXY!
♪ ♪ ♪ ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: OH, MY GOD.
OH, MY GOD!
THIS IS GOING TO BE THE BEST PARTY EVER!
DONALD TRUMP'S SUPER-COP, EVERYBODY!