I have bee doing the hashtag fupa loss 2017 and I am down 7 lbs.
As you can see here, I was clearly up to 8 months pregnant
and now I'm down to six. This mother isn't expecting any time soon.
I picked up some new clothing that I think accentuates my body really well.
This isn't quite deep enough though. I prefer if it shows my belly button.
*Sexy man groans*
In celebration of my fupa loss, I also would like to talk about
my idol.
Connor Murphy (aka AB GOD)
You don't believe me?
I can see it! It's red!
Do you believe me now?
No, not at all.
You don't believe that at all
You guys wanna see what it is?
Wanna see your new favorite color?
oh- *giggling*
♫I wanna fuck you♫
♫I wanna' put my shirt right off♫
♫I wanna climb up this monkey bars n' drop right on you♫
♫I wanna fuck you...check out my man *TITS*♫
♫Give em' a squeeze♫
♫I wanna fuck you. Spread those cheeks wide open -- let me slide in!
ya bitch♫
♫Because I got big tits...♫
♫FUCK ME♫
♫Because I got bigger tits than you...fuck me!~♫
This guy is a showman...and he's a prankster, and a magician.
He finds any excuse to remove his clothing
At the... uh... *pfff*
At the chagrin of all the boyfriends and the joy of all the ladies
♫Because I got big tits...♫
♫FUCK ME♫
So what do you think about Connor Murphy?
I think you're gonna need one of these.
♫Kill Bill sirens♫
"What is up guys. So if you can't tell
I've gained a little weight recently,
but we're going to talk to some girls and if they like abs
alright
Then we're gonna get magically shredded real quick
*bruuuuuh*
And then get their number
Let's see how it goes.
You know I couldn't tell because it's just a fucking tiny pillow tucked under your shirt.
[Hila] Yeah it just looks like he borrowed his Dad's jacket.
[Ethan] Right
We're talking New Year's resolutions. So, do you guys have New Year's resolutions?
It's okay if you don't.
Do you guys have any New Year's resolutions?
[Girl] Focus on happiness, be fit.
He's like "Listen, I'm just waiting for you to stop talking."
Because I have an amazing magic trick.
'Is your New Year's resolution perhaps to see more abs?'
*Hila laughs*
'Cause that would be convenient.
First thing I think when I look at this guy is that when he's having sex he's watching himself in the mirror.
You know what I'm saying?
[Girl] To make sure to stay up to all current events.
[Girl] Uhhh no.
Okay, so you're not too caught up to current events, but that's okay.
"Have you heard about Connor Murphy?"
He's this reall- [Hila] Why would she?
Well he's... you're Connor Murphy.
He's acting like he looks so different than the real Connor Murphy,
that they wouldn't recognize him.
Connor Murphy is this jacked fucking Olympian.
Unlike me,
I'm fat chubby fucking schlub.
If I can get a six-pack by the end of the year-
How about if I complete that New Year's resolution by the end of the year-
If I can get abs by the end of the year-
then I get your number.
I get your number. Is that fair?
I'll come find you, wherever you are.
I'll come find you and you have to give me your number.
*Wherever you are*
[Ethan] Wait what? You are going to come find them wherever they are???
*I'll come find you where ever you are*
[Ethan] What is this, fucking Taken?
I don't know if that's appropriate, dawg. That's a little fucking rapey I'm saying.
Awesome.
*cringy knuckles*
Sweeeet
Awwwesome
[Ethan] Hila, if I get jacked, if I get a six-pack you have to give me your number
ok
really?
Are you serious? Can I get your number?
*Dammmmmn son*
Wow, this shit fucking works.
[Connor] How many until I get a six pack?
How many does it take until I get a six pack?
-I have abs now?
[Girl] No.
[Daddy Connor] Let's just see how I'm doing, maybe I gained a little bit of abs, right?
*laughter and cheering*
[Ethan and Hila] AHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
[Ethan] How did he do it?
[Ethan] How did he do it, dude?
[Hila] That's crazy.
[Ethan] Wait, that's not some fat schlub, that's actually Connor Murphy!!!!!
[Ethan] *Clapping* I've heard of you!
[Ethan] And then on one hand, you're like-
*Kill Bill sirens play*
[Ethan] It's not even about his muscles, this guy needs his own street magic special.
[Ethan] Where he fuckin crushes David Blane's skull with his massive arms.
[Muscular Magician Connor] I guess I get your number, right?
So, I think you need to give me your number.
[Girl] So do you do this to everybody?
[Connor] No, not everyone, only beautiful girls, you know?
[Ethan] Do you do this to everyone? No only beautiful girls-
-and everyone, I do this to everyone. I can't help myself dood.
[Ethan] Alright so y'all- y'all seen about Connor Murphy
You've imagined what its like to be taken by him, by his muscular arms
To be in a bed with him, to touch him.
You've imagined what he smells like, you know what I'm saying?
Like, yes we've all been there. We have all been there many times.
So now that you have an idea of what it is to watch Connor Murphy videos, let's continue.
Alright, so the game is...
I'll give you three guesses
Three chances to guess the color of my shirt under my jacket
And if you get it wrong
then I get your number.
One of your numbers...
–I'm gonna pick you ok?
That's kind of dick!
He's like "I get one of your numbers I'm gonna pick YOU!"
Okay? Hila: Yeah.
Ethan: Sorry
Sorry, you fatty.
You fat fuck.
I'm gonna pick your friend here.
Don't be offended.
She's more attractive.
Why are so many people picking red? I don't..(inaudible)
Girl: Because of that.
Conner: OMG is it showing? Girl: Yeah
Conner: OMG!
Girl: Yeah I can see your shirt so...
Conner: You can see it?
Girl: I can.
Conner: It's okay it's okay, just keep going.
Two more guesses. Just go for it. Girl: ok.
You know it's coming
but you just–you ca–the journey is what I come here for.
Every creative lil' way
this guy finds to take his shirt off is a joy and pleasure.
[Hila] He comes up with, like, an idea
and he's like: "That kinda makes sense... that's good."
[Ethan] He's like, "Alright,
let's brainstorm some ideas..."
Connor Murphy walks into a Starbucks.
He says: "If you can guess my favorite coffee ...
then I get your number."
an' they says: "What?"
He says: "Guess what, I don't even like coffee."
*Takes off his shirt*
Get's everyone's number, fucks everybody there.
( 2nd Scenario ) : Connor Murphy walks into a Toys R Us
There's like 8 year old girls there.
He says: "Guess what's my favorite toy?"
They say: "Is it a Doodle Pro?"
He holds up a Doodle Pro, He says: "Nope."
"NOW WE FUCK BITCH"
Gets all these 8 year old girls' numbers
Fucks every single one of 'em ...
Shall I go on? [ Hila ] Erm... [Ethan] I can go for days.
[Connor] Wanna see your new favorite color? *unzips dick*
*Annoying free Dubstep* [Girl] ouuh!
[Ethan mocking Connor] Are you ready to see your new favorite color?
ABS... color (maybe tan?) abs is not a color, Connor.
[Girl] Yess! oh my god!
[Ethan] Well let's just clear something up...
The shirt WAS red. (Yeah...)
You were wearing a piece of a shirt.
That was red, so technically,
they're not wrong, dawg...
And they don't owe you shit
[Connor] So I "earned" your number, right?"
So,(alright...) you wanna give me your number? [Girl] Sure!
Well you did get it wrong , so...
I do g- I do get your number.
[Ethan] Connor Murphy is my god *claps*
*starts chanting* CONNOR MURPHY IS MY GOD
I JUST WANT TO FUCK CONNOR MURPHY,
CAN YOU PLEASE TAKE YOUR SHIRT OFF?
PLEASE TAKE YOUR SHIRT OFF
♫My name is Connor Murphy♫
♫Please, let my take my shirt off♫
♫So I can get your number then♫
♫Bring you home then fuck youuu♫
♫'Cause I wanna fuck you♫
♫I wanna suck my dick in-between your tits BIIITTTCHHH♫
♫Please, let me slide upppp on you♫
♫ I'll tell you that your best friend is is ugly, so I can fuck youuuuuu♫
♫ I've got very little substance as a human being ♫
♫ but I knowww...♫
♫ How to get abs ♫
♫ And my favorite color is abs ♫
[Ethan] So, let's wait, it gets much better,
like the way- the level he takes
to get shirtless is...
is REALLY exciting!
In this video...
[Connor M.] What's up guys?
So I'm running low on some food
'bout to pick up a few things at Walmart.
I'm just going to show you guys what a "normal" day in the grocery store looks like for me.
Uhhh, what kind of foods I eat, stuff like that...
l e t s g e t s t a r t e d
[Ethan] So, dude's walkin' around the grocery store
Talkin' about yogurt and shit that he eats
and then, all of a sudden, at 2:20
...Feast your eyes guys
This vlog takes a very bizzare turn.
[Connor] Spotting, if you know , like
in the gym, where you kind just make sure, like, I don't hurt myself
[Uninterested Girl] Ummm... uhhh (inaudible decline)
[Connor] Like, here, here I'll come show you...
[Girl] Okay * giggles* [ Connor ] C'mon c'mon c'mon
♫ Suck my dick in-between your tits bitch ♫
* really really awkward silence as shitty dubstep plays*
[Hila] *laughs* [Ethan] Dawg, you're in like a Walmart.
What are you doing with your life?
You took off your shirt,
you're climbing up the support beam, okay?
These Walmarts are not built like fucking bunkers
[Hila] Yeah...
[Ethan] What if he brings the whole damn place down?!
God, you are such a fuckin' goofball, dawg
* really bad edm *
(some guy in the background): What the heck??
*really bad edm*
[Ethan] YouTube prankster Connor Murphy brings down a Walmart
Killing 25 people.
Although, his corpse was found in the-
and he had spectacular abs
[Hila] *Laughs*
[Ethan] What would you do in the situation, if you were her?
I'm like, walking off [Hila] Yeah. [Ethan] I'm like, this is weird
I don't want to be a part of this shit
... This is fuckin' unsafe
[Hila] This is unstable... This guy's unstable.
[Ethan] You're insane!
You're scaring me, dude!
[Connor] You gotta catch me, alright?
[Girl] uhhh, I don't (inaudible)
[Connor] was that cool? [Girl] uhhm...
[Connor] You were suppose to catch me tho!
[Ethan] So, do you wanna fuck now? Or what; I mean...
He's like a caveman, he's doing like
fuckin' mating ritual shit.
This is like what birds do when they wanna mate n' shit.
♫ I wanna fuck you before I tear this Walmart down ♫
♫ 25 deaths, a lotta casualties ♫
♫ I find you in the debris, and then I ask...
♫ Do you wanna fuck me noww? ♫
*looks like I AM a man child, oh well, ABS*
*shamelessly promotes his social media*
{Can't be arsed to help him promote this...}
[Hila] wat? [Ethan] How is this the shot
you decided to end the video on?
He looks like he's about to build his own fuckin 24 hour fort [Hila] I know...
[Ethan] That was exceptional (Yep!)
This one is my favorite...
This is one of the best videos on YouTube
I am gett- I am so inspired to get jacked when I watch this...
[Connor] What's up, guys? Today you are joining us...
From Chipotle Mexican Grill.
So, *ughh* The premise is that he loves Chipotle
he loves Chipotle, 'cause they give him a extra scoop of chicken here.
[Connor] I don't know if I would've made the kind of gains that I have
*i want to die*
If it weren't for Chipotle feeding me so damn much...
[Ethan] So he wants to reward them, and show some love
By.... [Hila] Doing this....
*Really fucking loud edm*
[Ethan] Chipotle's lawyers are like "NOOOOO, PLEASE NO, DON'T DO THAT
*legendary cough*
*REALLY LOUD EDM*
[Hila] This is how he expresses his love to Chipotle..?
[Ethan] Now if you're walking into this Chipotle right now,
Are you turning around? Or are you walking in?
'Cause if I see that...
"Why is there a madman on top of Chipotle?"
I don't wanna go in there...
DUDE, he is the greatest hero, that ever lived
He climbed atop Chipotle,
when no one else could,
no one else WOULD.
His whole life has leaded up to this moment
of flexing, on top of this Chipotle Mexican Grill...
[Hila] ...And Chipotle, is just so thankful for this moment *Ethan has a stroke
[Ethan] Yeah, thank Chip- [Hila] McDonald's is jealous.
[Ethan] Fuckin' haters at McDonald's
Is he going to go get a burrito after this, do you think?
[Hila] Probably...
[Ethan] With extra meat?
*Sonic '06 music plays*
[Hila] It shows all the people -like taking pictures of him
and I feel like he thinks: "Oh my God, this guy's amazing!"
[Ethan] Amazing, this is the coolest thing I've ever seen.
[Hila] When they're like: "What the fuck am I watching right now?"
[Ethan] They're like "Worldstar"
[Hila] "Gotta record this...!"
[Ethan] Worldstar, and then other people are like: "I'm calling the police!"
the manager is like: "I'm calling our attorneys."
*Hila giggles*
Worldstar...
He's like: "Aren't I the greatest?! Isn't this cool?!"
[Ethan pretending to be a bystander] "Jump! Dude! Jump!
*ear starts bleeding*
[Connor] Woo!
*pity laugh*
[Ethan] There's a fuckin' weird crackhead walkin' through the alley!
He's just like: "What the fuck!
[Hila] "Am I hallucinating?!"
[Ethan] Yeah, exactly! I'm a crackhead, I get up to some weird shit, and this is made me pause,
and be like: "What am I looking at?"
Dude, this guy's the best!
You know when a weird crackhead is weirded out by what YOU'RE doing,
you may be doing some weird shit...
♫ I am Superman, watch me stand on top of Chipotle ♫
♫ Everybody wants my dick in their mouth ♫
♫ ohh weird tweaker comin' down the ally ♫
♫ Do you wanna fuck me? ♫
♫ Do you wanna fuck meeeee? ♫
♫ Everybody below says: "Jump!" "Just Jump!" "Just Jump!" ♫
♫ "Take a Leap" ♫
"Just Jump man..."
*Groovy Music continues*
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