Do you know how to talk to your child's teacher about concerns? Well, I'm Nicholeen Peck,
and I teach all about parenting and communication and relationship building
and in this video, we're going to talk about how to bring up concerns with your child's teacher.
After 20 years of teaching parenting and self-government and good communication around
the world places like the United Nations, like Kenya, like Budapest, all the different places
that I've been. I recognize that it truly is an art to be able to bring up concerns with a person
whether within the family or without in a way that they can understand you you can understand them
and you can come to an agreed-upon conclusion. So, what I would like to talk about today is some
of those skills that are going to be so vital for talking to teachers when you have concerns.
You are the primary stakeholder in your child's life. You are the one that knows what is truly best
for your own child. You've got to remember that. In fact, I'm sure you probably know that, or you
wouldn't be watching this video. But sometimes some of the other people that help us out with raising
our children like school teachers maybe day care providers things like that. Those people sometimes
do things a little bit differently. Now, some things we can put up with right, but then there's some
things that really do cause us to be concerned. Things that might go against some of our main
values even morals or huge cultural differences that may arise between the classroom and the home culture.
Those types of things need to be addressed as well as other things. Maybe the child is not
doing well in a certain environment or is having some struggles with peers. We've got to talk about
these problems with the teacher. But we've got to do it in a way where the teacher is not afraid of
us or puts up walls and feels defensive. But in a way where that teacher is on board with helping us.
Now, I know many people might think, "Well, what type of a teacher would not help me?". There are many.
In fact, my father was a school teacher and so I associated with many teachers. In fact, I have a lot
of friends who teach school and they are not all the same. In fact some of them have a tendency to
be a little bit more dramatic than others and also some of them would not get along with every type
of personality of child. So, what do you do if your child doesn't get along with your teacher or maybe
you feel like the teacher might even be singling them out in some way because the teacher is having
a hard time bonding to your child. That could definitely happen. Now, speaking from experience
I would absolutely insist that if the teacher and my child for some reason had something against each
other that I got a new teacher, just so you know. Because your child needs to have somebody who sees
their value and potential and isn't jaded in any way against your child. It can actually influence
all the teaching. Did you know that a lot of learning is relationship-based? That means that
the things that your child learns about math and reading. The anxieties toward different subjects
that they might get actually come from you or the teacher a lot of the times. Now, don't stress out
about that sometimes we don't know what we don't know. We don't know that we are actually putting
pressure on our children in certain ways that make them have mental blocks about things and sometimes
the teachers don't know either. But if our children do not have good relationships with the people
that are teaching them and mentoring them on all of these school subjects it actually could hurt
their future. So let's say it's not something like a personality conflict that can't be resolved but
something a little bit less than that. How are you going to talk to that teacher? Well, there's a skill
that I teach in the parenting program the teaching a self-government parenting program that I have,
and that skill is called disagreeing appropriately. Now, before I teach you that skill, I'd like you to
know that there are many skills that I teach. In fact, there's an entire three-day training that
I do for parents all about teaching themselves and their children self-government and getting
the family completely united and transforming that family culture that changes everything and
I teach all of this at teachingselfgovernment.com. So be sure to get more information there if this
interests you at all. So let's talk about disagreeing appropriately. When a person
disagrees appropriately. What they are doing is they are saying that they value the other person
but they have something that needs to be shared as well. So, if you want to make sure that your teacher
listens to your concerns. Number one, proactively make sure you create a good relationship in the
beginning if you can. Making sure that you acknowledge the things the teacher does.
Praise their efforts and let them know that you're paying attention to the good things. Sometimes when
a teacher sees that a parent really is supportive they even put more energy into supporting that
parent's child, so don't forget that. But when you go to talk to that teacher make sure that
you go in confidently and that you're able to look the teacher in the eye. Not in a way where you're
staring them down but we're in a way where you're thinking, "I care about you. I want to hear about
what you have to say and I really know that you're going to care about what I'm sharing with you too."
So have confidence in the teacher that the teacher is going to be able to listen to you.
Don't go in with your dukes up that never helps anybody. In fact, that just creates walls and
division and it ends up hurting your child in the long run. So, after you look at the teacher
then make sure you examine, "Am calm?". Having a calm face, voice, and body, is vital to good communication.
It shows that you're authentic, you're telling the truth, and that you really do care about the
other person even if you don't always agree. So have that calm face, voice, and body. Then you say,
that you understand the other person's point of view. So if there's something that this teacher
has done or that maybe you want to acknowledge before you share your concern. Now would be the time.
So you might say something like, "I know that you've been putting a really great effort
in helping the children really try to advance their reading skills". So after you tell the teacher
what you understand about their position then you would probably want to express your thanks
for what they're doing and say that you know that this is really a lot of effort that they're
putting in and that kind of thing. Not that you're brown-nosing the teacher but you're definitely
showing that you are aware of stuff that they do that benefits your child. But then say, "There's
something I wanted to talk to you about though. About this reading and the increased amount that's
been happening. My child is really overwhelmed right now and I have some concerns because this is
what's happening", and then explain the situation to the teacher and say, "I would like to create a plan
with you to handle this in a way that's going to help my child decrease their anxiety. But also feel
like they're succeeding in the goal that the class has to increase their reading skills". So, here are
some ideas that I have but I'd also love your input on these ideas". It's really important that
you come with ideas. Because if you don't come with ideas they might throw things out to you
and you don't know if you're really fine with them yet because you haven't thought about it enough
on your own. So come with a few ideas maybe you won't take your ideas in the end. Maybe the teacher
has a better idea but throw some things out so the teacher really sees you're in earnest with helping
this child and they need to participate with you in making a plan. So then the teacher might come up
with some ideas of their own as well and then you can discuss what would be better for that child.
This type of communication is always going to be beneficial to the child. Now, at the end of the day.
The teacher has stewardship over the classroom but you have stewardship over your child, don't forget that.
Which means that if the teacher makes a change that is not going to benefit your child in
the way you know your child needs to be benefited. Then you might have to look for some other options .
I've known multiple parents who have decided, "You know what, I think I might be the best teacher for
my child and I'm going to go ahead and homeschool them because they have special needs that aren't
able to be addressed in the classroom". That's fine. So, choose whatever you think is going to be best
for your child and your teacher is going to choose what they think is going to be best for
their class. They have to run whatever they decide. So, they do get that stewardship. If you don't like
how it affects your child then take action. But otherwise, you're going to have to support them.
So make sure that in the end, you leave with a feeling of support and caring and gratitude.
You thank them for hearing you out and telling you their ideas and thinking so carefully and taking
so much time for your child. Even if the teacher didn't feel bonded to your child before then they
will now. In fact, they will take a little special interest in your child and they'll watch your
child a little bit more closely and isn't that the goal usually in the end. So now go have that great
conversation with your teacher. It's gonna be good, it's gonna be okay, you've got this. If you've liked
this video be sure to give me a thumbs up and I think you'll probably enjoy the next video I have
which is, how to stop your kids from whining. Click that video now and we'll see you there.