five four three
two one hey doc i don't think that this
gas is
well it was fun being a dentist
[Music]
mr lewis thank you for coming in
with your associates i know this is hard
to hear
but we need to make some serious
decisions about your mother's health
let's be honest she is getting on in
ears oh
snap okay i see how it is i see how it
is well yo
mama so oh her last name is asaurus
no mr lewis it wasn't an insult i i was
just saying that your mother's condition
is deteriorating uh because she's
getting older oh
see that's cold though that's a cold one
okay okay i see how it is
hey y'all yo baba so old
in her history class they just wrote
down what they was doing
mr lewis this isn't an insult contest
not only is your mother elderly but
also her ability to walk is currently
being affected by her weight
oh see okay it just got real no i'm not
insulting her i'm trying to tell you
yo mama is so fat would she go to the
movie theater [ __ ] sit next to everyone
listen to me okay your mother needs to
manage her weight or there could be some
real problems
oh okay aye
yo mama is so fat she need a latitude
and longitude number to fight her own
[Applause]
[ __ ]
[Applause]
now who's the doctor i am the doctor mr
lewis i am
and it is my job to make sure that your
mother is getting the care that she
needs
we are talking about the woman who took
care of you your whole life the least
you can do is take care of her in her
old age
and take this seriously
i'm sorry i'm sorry that i lost my
temper
no really doctor i guess
i was just joking around because i know
her condition is really serious
and i don't know i guess
humor is the only way i could really
deal with it oh
i just know that she said so many times
she doesn't want anything invasive
died really i was not aware of that
um that's interesting because she did
not mention that to me in our previous
conversation
because it was difficult to hear her
with
my dick in her mouth
snap mr lewis oh
snap now let's talk about the procedure
i'm telling you it's totally legal these
doctors
they'll prescribe medical marijuana to
anyone man what do i tell them i need it
for
it doesn't matter they want to give you
prescription that's how they get paid
just make something up
hey mr washington welcome hey doctor i'm
going to ask you a couple questions
what eight
eight a as in uh then i got it
need lots of weed to get rid of it
okay okay aids um wow
all right uh are you sure you're not
suffering from anything else like
you know back pain nope anxiety
cool is a cucumber how about insomnia
sleep like a baby
with aids okay mr washington let's just
slow your roll for a second here
if you had aids then i would have to
verify it by seeing test results whereas
if you have back pain or anxiety
or anything else that i can't test for
then i can give you this prescription
for cannabis
right now oh i understand oh yeah i see
i guess that's
my bad okay so leprosy
no no because if you had leprosy i'd
have to quarantine you
what do you no okay i see your fingers
falling off
no don't do that though that's not gonna
work scurvy nope ricketts
what no consumption no mr washington
something from this century
schizophrenia no you don't have
schizophrenia just
do keep it simple please what the hell
is that i don't know what that is
a fish hook in my lip just pick
something off this list i can't reach it
why not paralyzed
does your face hurt mr washington yeah
then this should help
hi you must be liam
hey buddy how are you feeling today
i'm feeling fine dr gupta
just fine this is miriam glass
and she's from the make-a-wish
foundation marion glad
how are you feeling today liam
i'm fine marion glass
good well i have some news that might
make you feel a little better
huh we at the make-a-wish foundation
make dreams come true for
little boys and little girls who are
very sick just like you
there are no children like me mary
in glass of course not
you're one of a kind but we're gonna
make any dream come true that you could
ever have okay anything
that's right buddy that's right would
would you like to play with your
favorite basketball team
what about being a superman for a day i
wish
to drown a man
what to drown a man in the bathtub
to hold him down while the last breath
escapes his body
and then bathed in that water all the
while
singing
liam you said anything
surely we don't want to hurt other
people now do we you know
anything else fly in a hot air balloon
or
meet a celebrity my new wish
is to lean over the body of a dying man
and put my lips on his
stealing his last breath
liam no one will get hurt no
absolutely not i i don't even know where
you
i wish to take all the prosthetic legs
in the hospital
and bind them together with
the dried flesh of the dead into a
webbed massive creature
liam i am so sorry
miss claus it's all right he he doesn't
know what he's saying
i wish to pee in your mouth what both of
you
mine especially you oh
i wish to pee in both of your mouths
as i stand over you i'll need a glass of
water in 10 minutes
enough you little dr gupta no
you are reprehensible you are evil
you are a devil child
dr gupta he's not a devil child he's
just a child
you have no business working in a
pediatric ward what i'm gonna report you
shame
[Music]
this is insane
you've made me question everything that
i've ever believed about
the essential goodness of the children
wish granted
[Music]
i am
hi quentin oh oh doctor i just wanted to
report that the surgery went off without
a hitch
and that your uh heart transplant was a
complete success oh
i'm so happy to be alive
my bad well thankfully the affordable
health care act allowed you to be
insured and put on a donor list even
with your pre-existing condition
i'm truly truly thankful
this is an instance of obamacare
literally saving a life
obamacare oh no you
don't you are not putting big government
into
my body
oh
um could you go get me some ice we
should
probably save this
come on yes i'm here
promise you'll never forget about me
yes
of course promise we will take care of
our little girl
love her yes
with all my heart
[Music]
promise me you'll stay strong for her
yes yes
i promise
and promise me you'll never sleep with
another woman
i hear you
promise me you'll take care of mr big
fluffy tail yes
yes yes yes that cat will be
the most loved cat in the world
and that you won't look at porn
huh oh what's that is that yes
chicken chicken chicken
no pornography buster brown says what
is that a yes yo
better believe our washington's hair
girl
you love me right yes i love you yes
and we're soul mates right yes
so you will never ever ever think of
someone else while masturbating right
message received i don't understand is
that a yes
is that a promise your request has been
filed say you promise
forget about
huh huh i need to hear you say it
i say i pro i promise you promise
you you promise
say it okay i promise no air quotes
promises are the things that
love say it
i promise i promise what are you
promising i promise what you said
oh fine forget it yes i mean
okay
we at least promise to go see my mom
every day
so zero pornography done
i like that nurse
fix my wife
don't touch me right now this is not all
about you
[Music]
oh