As a dating coach for smart, strong, successful women, I understand how hard it is for you. You
go online and swipe through thousands of guys. The guys you’re not attracted to pursue you hard. The
guys you like the most are wildly inconsistent and don't follow through. You have moments of despair
wondering what's wrong with you? Why is this so difficult? And whether you’re ever going to meet
a guy who gets you off of that dating treadmill. Today, I'm going to teach you how to persevere
when the going gets tough and how to guarantee that you meet your Mr. Right. Stick around.
I'm Evan Marc Katz, dating coach for smart, strong, successful women and your personal
trainer for love. Welcome to the Love U podcast. Keep listening to hear a powerful story that will
reframe your entire dating experience. When we're done, I'll let you know how you can apply to Love
U to create a passionate relationship that makes you feel safe, heard and understood.
I've helped thousands of people find love. And when you do this as frequently as I have,
for as long as I have, you notice that there's a certain amount of pattern recognition.
Pretty much everybody who comes to me comes to me at a low point after a bad breakup,
before a big birthday, following a lonely family holiday, a time when you're reevaluating your
life and you are ready to do something different because the status quo just isn't working anymore.
So, a woman applies to Love U. I interview her. She promises she's gonna give me her
one hundred percent. And then after enrolling, after getting some coaching, a couple of months
into the course, she tells me it's not working. She can't take it anymore. Again, this is
obviously not to make myself look good as a coach. This is to tell you a very sort of predictable
pattern of behavior. It's not that different from people who go on a diet and then reach a plateau.
She comes to the conclusion and you may have done the same yourself. Everyone in this area
sucks. There are no attractive men. The ones who are attractive are weird, negative, perverted,
or ambivalent and don't want to commit. And so, she feels like she's looking for a needle in a
haystack. Except the haystack is getting bigger and the needle is getting smaller. That's usually
the point in the course and in coaching. When I bust out this story, I'm going to share this story
with you if you are feeling some of the emotions that I just described. It's a hypothetical.
It's not real, but it might as well be real. It's a story of your future husband. Ready?
If you didn't know, I'm omniscient. I'm omnipotent. I know everything and I say that
jokingingly. But for our conversations, I might as well be God. I know the entire future. What I know
is that your future husband, the one that you're swiping for, the one that you're browsing for on
Cupid or Match.com or Tinder, Plenty of Fish or Bumble or one of those sites, your future husband
is in a relationship with somebody else right now. He's not even on your site.
Now, you can take that. I tell this to people who join Love U looking for their husband. Paid again,
good money to get this existential problem solved. I'm telling them that they're not going to meet
their husband while they're working with me. Think about that for a second. Why would I do that? My
job is to be the cheerleader and the wind beneath their wings. Why would I tell them something so
dire? Well, that's because I also know that if their husband's in a relationship with someone
else right now, the person they're going to marry is going to come up in eight months.
That's when he's going to be available right now. He is dating online,
post-divorce. Hypothetically, he's dating online post-divorce. And he didn't date for a year or
two afterwards. He was kind of licking his wounds, getting his act together, maybe
trying to be a good parent to the kids, afraid of getting hurt and putting himself out there.
So, now he's got his bearings and his friends are like, all right, now you've got to get back out
there. He throws up a profile on a dating site. And the next thing you know, he's dating someone
who is completely different than his ex-wife with whom he was in a loveless,
sexless relationship for at least five years where things have gone bad.
Now, he's dating someone where there's tons of passion, there's tons of great sex. But
it's tempestuous. I mean, again, it's the most excitement he's had in many years. Considering
he was married for a while. But he knows this one isn't the one. He just can't let go.
This is his rebound. He's having fun rebounding even though he knows this is not going to be
it. This is your future husband. He also knows that it is the end of October right now. Then,
Thanksgiving is coming up. Then, Christmas is coming up and then New Year's is coming up. And,
you know, they already made plans to get together with the family and he can't do this tour over
the holidays. Valentine's Day is right after that. So, he's going to hold on to this bucking Bronco,
this passionate relationship, which is not the easy, fun long-term relationship
that he's going to seek as a marriage-oriented man. He's going to hold on to this relationship
through the end of February. And then, he's going to take a few weeks and he's going to
detox and then he's going to reactivate his online dating profile come March.
And so, I bring that back to you. This is your husband.
He’s cute, he's smart. good guy. He knows how to treat a woman. He's relationship oriented,
he really wants to be married. He's a great communicator.
And this is his story. He's not even on the site that you're on right now. This does two things.
Number one, it should let you know that there's a reason to persevere. Should also
let you know not to take any individual guy too seriously right now. As I just told you,
none of these guys are your husband. So, what does that allow you to do? It allows you to relax.
It allows you to practice. Reorienting based on what I told you, assuming that it's true.
Again, for this argument, let's assume that it's true. If I told you that you had to go in line for
a half hour day and just practice online dating and build up that muscle, go out with one new
guy a week for the next six months, knowing that the act of doing so would make you more confident,
more self-aware, develop a better palate to know what you're looking for in a man.
Take rejection less seriously. Know how to communicate better with guys, etc. etc.
If you had to practice with one guy a week for the next six months, knowing full well that your
husband would show up at the end of that six months and then you'd be guaranteed a man who
made you happy every day for the rest of your life in six months, would you take that offer?
The answer is always YES. You need to stop treating dating like you're on a husband hunt.
You're not. You're not. You may be looking to fall in love, get married, but you're not
on a husband hunt. In Love U, month one talks about short-term pessimism, long -term optimism,
I don't expect anything from any one guy. What I expect is that if you keep on going,
you're gonna meet a special guy. So, treat the men you meet like practice rounds, strangers sitting
next to you on an airplane. If they're a bad date, it's just a good story. And eventually, the
guy who's in a relationship right now is going to activate his profile. You're still gonna be there
persevering if you stay online. But you're only going to meet your future husband if you're there
when he activates his profile. Not if you quit. That's why you keep going.
That's why you join Love U. My name is Evan Marc Katz. Thank you for
tuning into the Love U podcast. For more episodes like this on YouTube, click the subscribe button,
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More reviews equals more awareness of Love U and more love in the world. And if you want to find
love right now and you're committed to making healthier choices with men so that you can have
an easier relationship that makes you feel safe, heard and understood, look for the link beneath
the video and apply for coaching with me in Love U. Thank you so much. I'll talk to you soon.