Translator: Ian Edwards Reviewer: Leonardo Silva
Oh, wow.
Don't you all look gorgeous. .
So sexy, the lot of you.
I'm sorry, did that offend anyone? My saying that you look sexy?
(Laughter)
No, seriously. Does anyone feel objectified?
No?
Good, because I don't have sex with objects.
(Laughter)
Well, once, but it was a waste of a good cucumber.
(Laughter)
Please excuse the way I'm dressed
like a cheap gay hustler from the '70s.
Truth be told,
I've been dressing this way since I was a cheap gay hustler...
in the 70s!
(Laughter)
And, I loved it.
And, I know that's not normal.
That might offend some people... and,
I've been thinking about this lately.
This idea of normal and why I've never been able to connect,
you know?
Believe me, I've tried.
You want to talk about sticking a square peg in a round hole...
That's not dirty. It's just the way I say it.
(Laughter)
Take, for instance, popular music.
I wished I love Beyoncé and Taylor Swift.
I really do.
I mean everybody else seems to.
And, I know they're both gorgeous, powerful, incredibly intelligent women.
But, I don't want to connect to their celebrity.
I want to connect to their music. And, alas, I cannot.
There's something missing in music today, something I'm not feeling.
Of course, I know it's all a matter of taste.
Some people hate Joni Mitchell.
This is actually kept me up at night.
“Why Ryan? Why must you always be so defiant
when it comes to the top 40?”
(Laughter)
Face it.
To this day, Joni Mitchell is a chain-smoker.
She’s not coming back.
(Laughter)
Oh well, I guess you don't know what you got 'til it's gone.
(Laughter)
Still, this refusal to embrace the most popular thing…
I know it's not normal.
I know that popularity is everything today.
Everyone wants to be famous. This is the new normal.
People are now actually believing their Instagrams
(Laughter)
and, I wish them the best of luck.
(Laughter)
Suckers.
(Laughter)
I want more... for me, for you.
There is a cage of normalcy.
It’s bars are made up of your deepest fears and insecurities...
Our universal, seemingly endless, need to be liked.
It's a way of thinking that says, "Just follow the crowd.
Don't rock the boat.
I mean, you can have fun. Just don't be abnormal."
Why not?
I'm here to tell you. It's a hell of a lot more fun.
I have written over 77 plays and musicals
all of them offensive to someone.
(Laughter) (Cheers)
I have been boycotted by the Catholic League,
most Log Cabin Republicans,
and several violently untalented drag queens.
(Laughter)
Though my plays are usually based on classical film and literature,
they do have one thing in common:
They're built to make the audience feel uncomfortable,
to make them think, to make them question.
That's the only way I can reach them...
with their eyes wide and their fists clenched.
Of course, at the end, you know, they get the chance to relax,
relieve the tension.
It's cheaper than a massage.
Also, by the end, if I've done my job, they will begin to question
a certain social contract.
One that states that you must be normal in order to succeed.
Nah-unh.
(Applause) (Cheers)
The old normal was pretty easy to comprehend.
You know: Find a mate, have kids, be clean, worship sports,
love God, hate Satan and never get caught eating alone.
(Laughter)
The new normal is far more complicated.
It's wrapped up in plastic politics and personal agendas.
It is a power trip and above all it must be "right".
And, now, even the gays are getting in on the act.
Is it offensive to any gays out there that I do not count myself among you?
I'm sure most of you find it a relief.
(Laughter)
No, I don't think of myself as gay... not because I'm ashamed to be,
but because my sexuality does not define me.
I am… we are all, so much more.
And, so, no.
I do not wave the rainbow flag. And yet, I'm free.
As free as I can be from any social contract.
I hate contracts. I avoid them at all costs.
Someone's always bound to lose.
When was the last time you saw a contract that was good
for all parties involved?
To me, “Sign here” sounds like “You're screwed.”
(Laughter)
I'd rather trust and be trusted, you know?
This is my way of my way of building my own normal:
Get to know people and let them get to know me.
To me this is a solid bond.
And, I gotta tell you. For the most part, it's worked out.
I haven't been screwed in a long, long time.
(Laughter)
Living by the social contract means that you no longer have a choice.
Normal is being dictated to you and you are, therefore, unknowingly
setting yourself up to be manipulated...
to be controlled by advertising, by laws of decency.
Of course, being a decent human being should be a given.
However, the fact that a woman can't walk down the street topless...
like a man can...
because she'll be seen as indecent, is just plain idiotic.
(Applause)
By searching out and clinging to a normal
that is not organic to your individual soul,
you are unknowingly walking into a cage..
a cage of your own making.
Now, some people like the cage. They enjoy it.
They just consume, take what they're given.
They do not question.
But, you know, to them the humiliation that is reality television, for example,
passes as actual entertainment.
I mean, why not?
They get their "Housewives" and their tiaras and their tantrums...
Just because the Ducks have a dynasty doesn't make them good ducks.
I prefer my ducks Daffy and my pigs Porky.
(Laughter) (Applause)
Speaking of which, did you ever notice how Porky Pig isn't wearing pants?
Now, that's what I call freedom.
We have forgotten what it's like to be free
and so to be free is not normal.
Instead we sit and dream of fame and all the freedom that might afford us.
Even our personalities are dictated by celebrity.
And, when in doubt check in with the Royals
because, you know, that Meghan Markle... she's just "so normal."
How would you know and why do you care?
Just because the girl's a princess now
does not mean she's gonna have it easy.
No. Far from it. He's gonna go bald and she's gonna have to just sit there
sadly nibbling suet sandwiches in an endless series of bizarre hats.
(Laughter)
Why are we so obsessed with celebrity?
Because we feel powerless in a power-hungry world.
This might explain why we're so bothered, so frustrated, so annoyed at everything
more today than ever before.
We have subconsciously developed a mass sense of doom.
We know something bad is coming but instead of facing the problem
at its root... global warming, for example ...
we cut ourselves off from the problem
and stock up on antibacterial soap and hand sanitizer...
'Cuz that's gonna save us from the bacteria!
We are made of bacteria.
And, once our hands are clean, what do we do?
We get on the Internet… fingers furiously pounding that keyboard
searching out something more offensive that's gonna get us even more pissed off!
Why?
Because we feel powerless in a power-hungry world.
Because we want to win. Because we want to be right.
We want everyone and everything to agree with our normal, our agenda.
This is not sanity. It's madness.
It's a plague this unhappiness. It's a distraction.
It's up to us to change it.
No one can walk into the cage, grab you by the throat and drag you out.
There's no bell that rings to tell you when to move.
It's almost as if we've become a nation of mildly depressed teens
just slouching around the house, unshowered,
waiting for mother to come stomping in the living room:
“Put down that Ben & Jerry's. Get up off that sofa!
Lose those filthy Elmo jammies I bought you at Target last Christmas!
And, get out there, and get a life!”
(Applause)
Your mother's right. Come out and play.
I want you to be free from the cage of normalcy
because I'm lonely.
Being kooky is like a badly planned orgy.
It's just no fun alone.
(Laughter)
Seriously, I need you and your ideas, even if they are contrary to mine.
Debate me, engage me. If you think I'm wrong, challenge me.
Take my right -- but not my rights -- please.
But, let's do it with a sense of humor.
Let's revel in our differences.
The social contract states in fine print that we must not rock the boat
with our own ideas... not unless Amazon can sell them back to us
in a two-day turnaround. Free shipping!
It wasn't easy getting free.
Not the shipping. I mean my soul.
I used to be crippled by what people thought of me.
And then, one day in my acid-popping youth,
I realized that I would never be happy bending to the rules of normalcy.
I would never be smart enough, handsome enough, rich enough,
and, my personal favorite,
man enough.
Of course,
I'm sure I was gay enough, but that's another sordid story
for another starry night.
So, how do you get out?
You must first recognize... truly recognize... that at your core
you are a good person.
You are more than your sexuality,
your skin color, your tax bracket, your mortgage, your 501c…
whatever they call it.
You are your mind. Your mind is vast.
It has more windows in it than… Downton Abbey
So why not open a few?
Do something so bizarre that people start questioning your sanity
and, poof!, you're an artist.
(Laughter) (Applause)
So, you have social anxiety. Okay.
But just remember you have a very limited time on this Earth
and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
You must never ever take for granted the gift of life
because, just like Joni Mitchell, or this old whore,
she's here and then she's gone.
Freedom doesn't connect to the Internet.
Freedom watches from a distance and then sadly turns away.
“I looked upon the rotting sea and drew my eyes away.”
Who would have thought that trash like me would know
"The Rime of the Ancient Mariner"?
You know some people like to inject collagen into their heads
and, I prefer Coleridge.
(Laughter)
Art can get you outside the cage because art is freedom
and freedom is not convenient.
Convenience is the enemy.
It is the baby bottle we cry for
and should never be given. It will destroy us.
It's already made us bitter, apathetic, detached.
Watch what happens when we no longer even have to leave our houses
or speak to another living human being.
We call this convenience?
I call it Armageddon.
Because once everything is so easy, what are we left with?
More time.
And what do we do with this time?
We waste it.
You're standing by a hole in the ground as a casket slowly descends.
It is the death of truth.
We no longer recognize our feelings from the truth.
Our feelings are feelings. They are not truth.
And, yet there we stand
aimlessly tossing handfuls of dirt into a shallow grave,
mumbling prayers we never bothered to memorize.
And yet, our feelings are only convenient ways to power
and that's the what we're really talking about here...
is power.
People want to win the fight for normal because normal means power.
The power of right... whatever that means.
I've got news: there is no right.
Let us not trade our integrity for offense.
Let's effectively deal with climate change, gun control,
violence against women, racial profiling…
but, let's do it constructively. Not destructively.
Make a friend, not an enemy.
Try this: Take a walk into town without thinking of it as an inconvenient.
Talk to the cashier without feeling awkward.
Order a pizza at the parlor
and not from the comfort of your own parlor.
Contrary to the gospel of online living, we don't need iPhones, sex,
validation or groceries delivered directly to our door.
Let's stop clicking and dragging our every desire
into these digital shopping carts.
You want to know why?
It's robbing us from from relationships,
surprises, and innumerable moments of discovery.
And think. Above all think.
A dear friend of mine once said "thinking, thinking...
My head thunders with thinking".
I suppose some of you think that I'm living dangerously.
And, you're right. I do and I love it.
Speaking of which, my grandson is seven and, when he's with me,
he does not wear a helmet, when he's on his bike...
if he's just going down the street.
I will not let him out on the highway, of course
but just a little hill... to hear his laugh
as the wind blows through his hair.
These are moments that I want him to remember.
They are treasures not traps.
And, I will not wrap him up in more plastic,
blocking out all nature and any chance for failure.
I want him to fail, just a little bit,
because failure will bring him freedom
and freedom will bring him strength.
And no nosy neighbor is going to shame me into taking that away from him.
(Applause)
You may all now start tweeting your outrage
(Laughter)
but you may find it a waste of time 'cuz I'm not on Twitter.
I've got a life to live.
And, as long as I'm not intentionally hurting myself
or someone else, I'm living the right life.
There is a gate before you.
Open it.
Beyond it is the pathway to your freedom.
Your way out.
Let yourself into the garden.
Make something. Paint something.
Sing something. Dance something.
Believe in something today.
Reconvene with nature. Touch it. Know it.
Respect it. Protect it.
Offer your hand to a stranger.
Perhaps then, even when you disagree,
or, through a happenstance connection like the one we've made tonight,
you may not feel so powerless in this power-hungry world.
Thank you.
(Applause)