- Heya playa.
Have you ever wanted to ask someone out
but they just recently broke up with someone
so you don't really know what the protocol is with all that?
Well, Hey Baby! wanted to know when they asked me,
hey Josh, when is the appropriate time
to date someone else after a break up?
Don't worry, Hey Baby!
We're gonna discuss that right after this.
♪ This is The Josh Speaks you're watchin' ♪
♪ The Josh Speaks ♪
For those of you that don't know, my name is Josh,
and every single Monday through Friday, I make videos
sharing tips, ideas, and stories teaching you
how to be your best self.
And in this video, we're gonna really tackle this idea
of when is the appropriate time to ask someone out
once they've broken up with someone else?
The short answer is that there's no official time.
It varies from person to person
and relationship to relationship.
But the long answer is what I wanna get into.
Being that person that likes someone
that's already in a relationship is a tough spot to be in.
You don't really know to what degree you should be friends
with them, to what degree you shouldn't talk to them,
and to what degree you should actively just pursue them.
In past videos, I talked about casually
being friends with them.
Being on that level where you say hi and bye
to each other but not being so close
that they just friend zone you.
This is something that happens pretty regularly.
For example, a guy will like a girl
and she'll end up getting a boyfriend.
So because he likes her so much, he'll do everything
he can to support her relationship,
to be there, to listen to her problems,
to hear her out, to the point where she feels like
hey, this guy functions best as a friend for me.
So if I ever break up with my boyfriend,
I'm never gonna wanna ruin that friendship that we have.
However, if you keep that connection more casual,
then she sees you on a friendly term
but not exactly as a pure friend.
And that's exactly what you wanna be
in case they break up so then you can keep pursuing her
which leads us back to the question,
when is the right time to pursue them.
Now that we have the framework set up,
let's think about this logistically.
Let's say for example, your crush has been going out
with their boyfriend or girlfriend for about a month now.
Well, if they break up, should you wait
a full month for them to recover?
Is it that same amount of time?
Is it half the amount of time, two weeks?
Should you ask them out the day after?
This is what I think.
Depending on how well you know your crush,
that should give you an indication
as to when to step in.
Now what I would say though, is the moment you do step in,
don't immediately jump into the idea of asking them out
and wanting to go out with them.
You need to start small, you need to feel them out
and see where they're coming from.
There's no harm in increasing the frequency
of how often you talk to them,
and even asking them to just purely hang out,
not on a date, not for anything romantic,
just so you can kind of bond together
now that they're single.
Because, when someone's in a relationship
versus when they're single, they tend
to act a little bit differently.
So now what you wanna do is change the vibrations
you guys have together.
You want it to be a little bit more friendly,
more flirty, but you wanna start at the baseline
where you're just asking them to hang out
just to get it going.
If you were gonna twist my arm and force me
to give you a hardline amount of time to work with,
I would say at least give them a week to process
their thoughts and their feelings
to kind of recollect and think about the things
that happen so that they can think
about how they won't make the same mistakes
in the next relationship going forward.
Breaking up is hard enough.
We all have our personal processes for how we heal,
but the last thing that anyone would want
is people coming out of the wood works now
suddenly swarming them and asking them to hang out,
to go on dates, and to be their boyfriend or girlfriend.
And that's another thing we have to take into account here.
Realistically, you're not the only person that likes
your crush, and you're probably not the only person
waiting for them to break up from their relationship.
So as soon as they do, people are gonna swarm them.
And you don't wanna just be
another fly on the wall doing it.
So it's a line you have to walk on
between giving them a good amount of space
and actually acting on it before someone else does.
It's not an easy thing to figure out,
but like I said, depending on your relationship
with your crush, while they're still dating someone else,
if you joke with them, if you talk to them,
every so often and they know who you are,
you've already laid the groundwork
for going into asking them out.
If you wanted to make things even harder for yourself,
you'll come from a place of zero interaction.
Meaning, you've never really talked to your crush,
you never even said hi to them.
But you've liked them from a distance,
and you knew they were in a relationship,
and you were hoping that if they broke up,
somehow then you would have the courage
to go actually talk to them.
But that's not really how it works.
Whether or not your crush has a boyfriend or girlfriend,
there's nothing wrong with introducing yourself.
Just simply saying hello so they
can at least know who you are.
What do you think, though?
Is there someone that you like that you think
is gonna break up with their boyfriend or girlfriend?
Or just recently broke up with them
and you're not sure when you should approach them?
Leave your comments below and we'll talk about it.
So like I said yesterday in the live stream,
I'm putting together that fan collab video
for Thanksgiving, and I want you to be a part of it.
So make sure to send me your video clips.
You can do that on Snapchat or Instagram,
or just email it over to me.
Send it over to me, I'm gonna put it together
in a beautiful video, it's gonna be awesome
and awesome Thanksgiving celebration.
Guys, have a wonderful Thanksgiving.
I can't wait to catch back up with you
and for you to check out the video comin' out tomorrow.
As always guys, love, and peace.