CHRISTINE LIU: I feel lonely.
And it's not just because I'm literally alone.
[CRICKETS CHIRPING]
I'm feeling lonely at work, which for me is
100% virtual right now.
Those little spontaneous physical interactions
with my colleagues, that's what I miss so much.
You know, those little mundane moments that, in hindsight, I
actually miss a lot, like waiting for someone to finish
their time at the coffee machine and being,
like, mildly irritated.
That would be the most welcome thing right now.
OK, so maybe I'm not literally alone.
I mean, technically I'm on the internet.
There's Andy, my producer, in the corner.
Hey, Andy.
But now, a day looks more like this.
Is there a way to feel less lonely at work,
less lonely at home at working from home?
Just ugh, just ugh, help!
[MUSIC PLAYING]
JENNIFER MOSS: Loneliness is--
at work, it feels like you're disconnected
from your co-workers, from your friends,
that you haven't maybe made friends,
that you feel isolated.
CHRISTINE LIU: That's Jennifer Moss.
She's a journalist, speaker, and author of The Burnout Epidemic.
Among other things, she's studied
how loneliness is a major predictor
of professional burnout.
I mean, sure, we all get a little lonely, right?
How bad could it really be?
One in five millennials say they have zero friends.
Zero friends.
None.
At all.
I just want to call them up and say, hey, you can talk to me.
I'll be your friend.
JENNIFER MOSS: Well, work friendships are really unique,
but having a really close friend at work
is powerful in how much it enhances our feeling of work.
Having a best friend at work actually
makes it more likely for you to stay,
about 50% more likely for you to stay in a job
through times where it isn't as happy or well.
It increases your likelihood of a promotion.
It improves sales.
It improves all these different metrics
that we measure around productivity and engagement.
But it also makes you more well and just overall life
satisfaction.
CHRISTINE LIU: How do I know if someone's a friend?
I don't even know.
I mean, maybe I could just say they are, but is there
a kind of a--
JENNIFER MOSS: A threshold?
CHRISTINE LIU: A threshold, exactly.
JENNIFER MOSS: The closer your friendships are at work,
the more they likely mimic the good feelings
that you have with friends in your personal life.
They don't believe in the gossip,
that they always support you when you need it,
that they're there to hear you out
if you have some stress in your life or stuff building up.
CHRISTINE LIU: So I'm going to take the cynical point of view
for a second, like OK, well, I guess
I have no friends at work.
It's a job.
But I have friends outside of work.
You know, so what if I'm lonely at work?
And what's the worst that could happen?
JENNIFER MOSS: For people that are feeling just lonely at work
period, they're not connecting with people,
it's a big problem, and it could mean loss of your job,
they get paid less, that they don't get promoted,
there's a lack of confidence.
Loneliness is as impactful on our health
as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
It's worse on our health than diabetes.
CHRISTINE LIU: So now I'm just thinking about myself
and my relationships.
I'm having a moment.
I'm reflecting.
Is there any time in your life that you felt lonely?
JENNIFER MOSS: I had a period of time
where I was a founder of a startup, a co-founder.
And it actually was my husband and that
were co-founding the startup, which is a no-no in that world.
You're never supposed to have a married co-founder.
But we were in this place where we were working together,
both at this sort of level of fighting
for money, being a young startup,
just always overextended.
There was about a year and a half
that I felt very, very isolated, and I did actually burn out,
where I left the company, I abandoned every board seat
I had, I stopped working on everything,
I said no to everything for six months to recover.
And I realized a big part of that was, through all of
that, I had maintained my close friendships.
I was so busy and so stressed that I wasn't leaning on them.
CHRISTINE LIU: In order to feel less lonely at work,
and hopefully not burn out, you need friends.
OK, so this is a little awkward, but I have to ask the question.
How do I make new friends at work?
How does anyone make new friends at work?
JENNIFER MOSS: So that's a great question.
Find someone in the organization that you've maybe admired
something that they've done or you thought
is really cool or interested in.
Maybe they've written a piece or edited a piece
or been on a project that you're like, oh, that's so cool.
And maybe you could suggest having a coffee one
time to chat about it.
CHRISTINE LIU: If you've never done this before,
like sending a coffee invite to someone that you
want to be friends with, this is how Jen suggests how to do it.
Start with gratitude.
People love that.
And just be really sincere in it.
You could say something like, thanks so much
for your great insights at this morning's meeting,
or oh, what a great question you raised,
I'd love to hear more where your thoughts came from.
After that, just ask for a few minutes to chat.
Most people are really friendly, especially if you
flatter them a little bit.
So just start there.
OK, so my mission is to make friends at the office.
Look, I'm going to try to show you as much as I can,
but these are real people and I'm
trying to foster real friendships,
so you may not see everything.
But deal with it.
I think I've identified a promising candidate.
I'm going to reach out to Slack and see what happens.
Wish me luck.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Friendship commence.
I was just thinking that your daughter
is going to be so shocked that you're
going to have a starring role.
JOSH: I'm going to make sure she knows this, she checks it out.
CHRISTINE LIU: So the person that you're
seeing there is Josh.
And he is my new friend.
I know.
I know what you're thinking.
Like, is this staged?
Is this fake?
Christine knows everyone-- No, I really like legit
had to reach out and be like, you
may not know me, but let's hang out,
maybe, or have a conversation?
So there you go.
Like, it actually happened.
And I learned a lot about him and his work,
and also like apparently, fun fact, his daughter
recognizes me and watches my TikTok videos.
So who knew?
Good work friendships aren't built in a day,
but it only takes a moment to start one.
I mean, look, I had never really talked to Josh before,
but look at us, now we're hanging out together.
I'm already feeling less lonely, and it's only day one.
After all, friends will always have your back.
And that's critical when work gets real.
But worst-case scenario, I'll be your friend.
Bye.
If you're still watching, one, thank you,
but two, I'm really curious, like what do you
want me to explore?
Like, what problems do you have at work?
I'd love to solve them.
Please leave a comment.
I'd love to hear your thoughts.
And if you have any other ideas, throw them my way.
All right, peace out.