- WHAT I'VE BEEN FINDING IS,
ONCE I STARTED DOING THIS MINDFULNESS THERAPY,
IT'S JUST BEEN PRETTY MUCH A GODSEND.
I WOULD SAY THAT, LIKE, SAVED MY LIFE.
I'VE BEEN COMING TO THE VA SINCE, I BELIEVE, 2008.
I'VE BEEN DEALING
WITH SOME HORRIBLE POST-TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER,
ALONG WITH OTHER PHYSICAL AILMENTS
THAT WERE GOING ON, WHICH WERE RELATED TO PTSD.
AND, YOU KNOW, JUST LIVING WITH IT,
IT'S JUST BEEN A HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE THING, YOU KNOW,
HAVING TO WAKE UP EVERY DAY, YOU KNOW, NOT KNOWING
WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO DO TO YOURSELF OR TO ANYBODY ELSE.
YOU KNOW, FINDING YOURSELF
IN A COMPLETELY ISOLATED SURROUNDING
WHERE YOU JUST DON'T WANT TO BE AROUND ANYBODY,
YOU DON'T EVEN WANT TO BE AROUND YOURSELF,
YOU CAN'T LOOK AT YOURSELF.
AND, YOU KNOW, AFTER MANY SUICIDE ATTEMPTS,
YOU KNOW, I FOUND MYSELF HERE AT THE VA,
YOU KNOW, BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY I WAS FAILING IN KILLING MYSELF,
OBVIOUSLY I'M STILL HERE,
AND JUST HAVING TO DEAL WITH THAT, IT WAS JUST WRONG,
AND I KNEW THAT I HAD TO DO SOMETHING
OTHER THAN TRYING TO TAKE MY OWN LIFE.
AND THAT'S WHERE I FOUND MYSELF, YOU KNOW, HERE BACK IN 2008.
ONCE YOU START DOING THIS MINDFULNESS THERAPY,
YOU'RE FULLY AWARE,
YOU'RE FULLY CONSCIOUS OF EVERYTHING,
YOU CAN HEAR EVERYTHING BUT YET YOU'RE PRETTY MUCH MORE
IN TUNE WITH YOUR BODY, WHERE IT'S, LIKE,
WITH YOUR BREATHING TECHNIQUES AND YOUR BODY
AND BE ABLE TO FEEL, LIKE, YOU KNOW,
DIFFERENT PARTS OF YOUR EXTREMITIES,
YOU KNOW, AND JUST BEING ABLE TO FOCUS ON THAT
ALMOST KIND OF GIVES YOU,
I WOULD LIKE TO SAY,
ALMOST LIKE A REBIRTH FOR THAT DAY.
YOU KNOW, BECAUSE YOU'RE ABLE TO RELAX YOUR MUSCLES,
YOU KNOW, RELAX YOUR HEAD, RELAX YOUR MIND,
AND JUST BREATHING IS JUST PRETTY MUCH
THE ONE THING THAT COULD CALM YOUR HEART DOWN
WITHOUT HAVING TO TAKE A PILL.
AND IT'S LIKE JUST BEING ABLE TO GO IN THERE,
YOU KNOW, GO INTO YOUR OWN MIND,
AND PROCESS SOME THINGS, YOU KNOW,
THAT YOU WEREN'T ABLE TO PROCESS BEFORE, YOU KNOW,
TAKING PILLS OR JUST SITTING DOWN
TALKING TO SOMEBODY.
YOU KNOW, IT'S BEEN A LOT EASIER.
IT'S BEEN SO MUCH EASIER FOR ME, YOU KNOW,
PERSONALLY, TO BE ABLE TO DO THESE, LIKE, CERTAIN EXERCISES.
ALL IT TAKES IS ONE TIME,
AND MY VERY FIRST TIME, I WAS HOOKED.
IT WAS, YOU KNOW, I WAS STILL ON THE MEDICATION,
BUT I KNEW THAT, YOU KNOW, I HAD TO STAY ON THE MEDICATION
UNTIL I WAS ACTUALLY ABLE TO KIND OF SWITCH OVER
FROM JUST, YOU KNOW, DOING, LIKE, A MIND-BODY HEALING
VERSUS CHEMICAL HEALING.
I GET PILLS SENT TO ME ALL THE TIME,
BUT ALL I DO IS RETURN THEM HERE,
BECAUSE I'M NOT TAKING THEM.
I DON'T NEED TO TAKE THEM.
YOU KNOW, IT'S BECOME PART OF MY DAILY ROUTINE
TO BE ABLE TO DO, LIKE, SOME OF THESE DIFFERENT TECHNIQUES.
THE VERY FIRST TIME ME AND DR. PROESCHER
ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW, DID, LIKE, THE MINDFULNESS,
I LEFT OUT OF HERE WITH A SMILE,
AND IT WAS A NATURAL FEELING OF EUPHORIA.
I FELT THAT NOTHING WAS ABLE TO GET TO ME,
NOTHING WAS ABLE TO BOTHER ME,
BECAUSE IT WAS ALMOST THAT I WAS REJUVENATED
AFTER WE DID THAT SESSION.
AND, LIKE, YOU KNOW, I FELT THAT I WAS ABLE TO FACE THE WORLD.
IT'S LIKE A NATURAL DRUG WITHIN YOURSELF,
TO HELP YOU, YOU KNOW, GET THROUGH THINGS,
YOU KNOW, HELP YOU FACE THE WORLD,
YOU KNOW, TO BE ABLE TO DEAL WITH NORMAL, EVERYDAY STRESS,
INSTEAD OF HIDING AWAY FROM IT.
AND IT'S LIKE, YOU KNOW,
THE PART WHERE, YOU KNOW, YOUR MIND
JUST CREATES, LIKE, YOU KNOW, A BEAUTIFUL SIGHT
WHERE YOU PUT YOURSELF AT,
YOU KNOW, IT'S JUST LIKE NOTHING AROUND.
I WAS ABLE TO FIND THAT PEACE WITHIN MYSELF.
YOU KNOW, AND IF YOU HAD ASKED ME 5 YEARS AGO,
I WOULD HAVE TOLD YOU TO GO "F" YOURSELF,
BECAUSE I'M NOT GOING TO TRY IT, YOU KNOW,
BECAUSE I'D THINK THAT'S, LIKE, ALL HIPPIE STUFF,
BUT I WAS A DOUBTER, TOO, YOU KNOW, I DOUBTED ALL THAT.
AND FINALLY, YOU KNOW, IT WAS JUST A LAST DITCH EFFORT,
AND, FORTUNATELY, IT'S BEEN REALLY HELPING ME OUT.
YOU KNOW, I'M MORE ACTIVE, I'M MORE SOCIAL.
I GO AND TALK TO PEOPLE.
AND ESPECIALLY WITH THOSE OF US, YOU KNOW, THAT I MEET,
LIKE, ON THE STREET OR AT SCHOOL, YOU KNOW,
I ASK THEM, "HEY, HAVE YOU BEEN EXPERIENCING
ANY KIND OF, LIKE, ISSUES, ANY KIND OF PROBLEMS?"
ALL OF THEM SAY NO.
WE ALL DO.
BECAUSE WE ALL DON'T WANT TO HAVE THAT KIND OF...
THAT TITLE, YOU KNOW, OF SOMEBODY WITH PTSD,
BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, THE GENERAL PUBLIC, CIVILIANS,
PEOPLE THAT NEVER SERVED,
THEY LOOK AT US LIKE, YOU KNOW, WE'RE INFECTIOUS
OR LIKE WE'RE GOING TO KILL THEM.
WHICH I THINK IT'S [BEEP].
YOU KNOW, AND STILL,
I STILL FACE THOSE PROBLEMS EVERY DAY,
BUT IT DOESN'T BOTHER ME LIKE IT USED TO,
YOU KNOW, LIKE WHEN I FIRST STARTED.
BECAUSE, LIKE, THROUGH TREATMENTS, YOU KNOW,
THERE'S A LOT OF TRIALS AND ERRORS,
BUT I JUST HAD TO REALIZE THAT, YOU KNOW, DEALING WITH PTSD
WAS SOMETHING THAT I HAVE TO DEAL WITH.
I JUST CAN'T SHY AWAY FROM IT, YOU KNOW,
SO I USE THESE DIFFERENT TECHNIQUES, YOU KNOW,
TO BE ABLE TO PUT MYSELF IN A WAY
TO ACTUALLY DEAL WITH SOCIETY.