- Hello my friends.
Today, I'll be watching Beetlejuice
for the first time in my life.
A movie about which I know not that much about.
Other than the guy has a very cool suit,
and he looks like a phantom that has crawled out
of someone's butthole.
("Main Titles (Beetlejuice)" by Danny Elfman)
Mmm.
Perfect opening.
("Main Titles (Beetlejuice)" by Danny Elfman)
Sweet Winona.
And Batman.
Danny Elfman, father of music.
Oh, I wish I lived in that tiny little home.
Mmm, I'm Geena Davis, I'm perfect.
How cute.
(humming)
I love their life.
Ah!
Shoot Jane right in the temple.
- I don't think that it's any of Jane's business.
- Totally.
- We could try again on this vacation.
Try for what?
To make pancakes?
Mmm, I don't think so.
I think they're trying to fuck.
Aw, don't run over the doggy.
- Look out for that dog! (gasping)
(car swerving) (Barbara screaming)
- Oh my god (laughing)
(dramatic music) (board creaking)
(Barbara and Adam screaming) (laughing)
That sucked.
They died.
They died in that crash.
(gasping)
They died in that crash.
Oh now she gets to put it up for sale.
What a fucking bitch.
(gasping)
They float but he needs to see with his glasses on.
Her!
Home Alone mom.
She looks great.
But I'm sure she's a piece of shit.
Pure
goth.
She wants to remodel the house.
I don't like that.
I hate them.
(gasping)
(fake screaming) (laughing)
- My whole life is a dark room.
(laughing)
One big.
- Same.
Garbage.
They may make the house look cooler though.
(eerie string music)
- Betelgeuse.
- Betelgeuse?
It's Beetlejuice, honey.
(sinister laughing)
(cow mooing) (laughing)
Cool.
This has to be Michael Keaton's best role.
- Draw a door.
- Aw, cute.
But it should be on the other side in my opinion.
Should it?
I don't know.
How do you open doors?
(wall crumbling) (dramatic eerie music)
Fun.
Oh, small head guy.
That's what I feel like sometimes.
Like I have a small head and a big body.
Seriously that's what every girl looks like
now at bars,
"My big black hat" goth type.
When the head tiny.
Oh, that guy's fucked up.
- How do you do?
- Ah, I love all of them.
He fits right through that hole.
- Stepmother.
- Oh it's not her actual mother, interesting.
She made friends, cute.
- You guys really are dead!
- We should knock first.
- What if this movie was called The Betelgoose.
(laughing)
(dramatic music)
The best, the best, the best, the best, the best.
(gasping)
(smooching) Mmm, kinda hot.
A horny little ghost.
Okay, the three of you, hook up now,
and I'm fine with everything.
- Fool your friends, fun at parties.
(Barbara gasping) - Whoa!
I wanna sound like that.
- I attended Juilliard.
- Oh wow.
- I am a graduate of the Harvard Business School.
I travel quite extensively.
- Oh my god, I'm horny.
(head spinning) (screaming)
(tree thudding)
(burping)
So is he like a dead person's
attorney, or something?
Mmm, ceviche.
- I saw some ghosts.
- Yeah, but nobody listens to you,
teeny gothy.
♪ Day-O! ♪
- Oh I see what's happening.
The ghosts are taking them over,
so they won't talk about them.
♪ Daylight come and me wanna go home ♪
I've been taken over too.
♪ Man tally me bananas ♪
♪ Come mister tally man tally me bananas ♪
Tally me banana.
I personally have zero banana.
♪ Me say Day-O ♪
Oh, I love this!
Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.
♪ Black tarantula ♪
♪ Daylight come and ♪
(hands exploding) (dinner guests screaming)
(hand smacking face) (laughing)
Wait, how big is everyone in this movie?
I'm so lost as to dimensions.
Please, lady.
I love you.
Is that lady alive or dead?
She looks alive to me.
Oh, she's dead.
I'm scared.
(rubbery pulling) Ahh, I don't like that.
(groaning)
(stretching and popping) (groaning)
Kind of funny and cute.
- Go clean the house.
- Oh he's stuck.
In like a weird tiny dimension.
Listen I'll say it.
It's Boy-dle-geis. (laughing)
These guys, still with their mouths all open.
(laughing)
I wish I looked like that right now.
- D-Con is on its knees to-
- On its knees.
I hate
parents.
I'm so
angry right now,
because all you had to do was read that book,
but a lot of ghosts were lazy to read it.
I would have been lazy too, 'cause I'm lazy.
(dramatic music)
- Our corpse and leave us to be.
- Amazing!
No!
Sad.
They're turning old and ugly.
They used to be handsomes.
(groaning)
Looks like shit.
Ew.
Disintegrating like my grandparents are right now.
- What's happening to them?
- They're rotting, lady.
- Oh now you want him, that he's wearing his cool
checkered suit,
not checkered, stripes.
Dude, I'll marry you.
You look great.
Say Beetlejuice three times please.
- Beetlejuice.
- Come on, say it three times.
- Beetlejuice.
Beetlejuice.
- Thanks god.
- It's showtime.
(gasping)
(carnival music)
- Welcome to-
- Batman!
Batman things.
(silly music)
(crashing)
(laughing)
Oh my god, Michael Keaton I love you. (tonguing)
Why can't I meet a guy like Beetlejuice?
(dramatic music)
(jaw thudding)
His jaw fell off. (chuckling)
You're a bitch, Beetlejuice.
Hold on, is Beetlejuice good or bad?
I think Beetlejuice might be bad.
Guys, is Beetlejuice good or bad?
I can't tell.
(roaring)
(dramatic music)
I'm confused.
Something's wrong here.
Beetlejuice isn't as bad as people think he is.
It makes me pissed off.
Oh she's normal-ish now.
I wonder if Winona's a ghost now.
- I said it was against my religion.
So I got a C.
- Wait, but they're not her parents, are they?
They just took over?
('Jump In the Line' by Harry Belafonte)
Oh my god.
♪ Shake, shake, shake señora ♪
She's dead! ♪ Shake your body line ♪
♪ Shake, shake, shake señora ♪
♪ Shake it all the time ♪
What the fuck was that movie you guys?
What is Beetlejuice?
Was he a good person?
A bad person?
I don't get it.
This movie was quite complicated,
'cause I'm an idiot.
Cheers.
Bye.