♪ (upbeat theme music) ♪
Mark7328 says...
"How do I win a girl back?"
You probably should just move on, really.
The fact that you no longer are with a girl
means something must have gone wrong.
Try and see what went wrong.
Instead of winning her back,
find somebody better to make her jealous,
and then maybe she'll come back.
But if she doesn't, then you got a backup girl.
They're called side chicks.
Write "I'm sorry" on a card and just run around holding it
and make a fool of yourself,
because that shows how much you love her.
You have to be really sincere.
You have to say, "I'm sorry, and I love you so much."
Surprise her with a trip to Disneyland.
That's how I'd want to be won back.
Sweet-talk her.
You can buy her a nice gift.
You can bring her flowers.
Well, Mark, maybe you should get her some flowers
and some champagne.
That will win her back, probably.
Buy her something, like, fancy.
Or take her out to a nice dinner.
Just be the best you you can be,
and show her what she's missing out on.
Throw a fake wedding.
Because girls like romance.
Sugar and spice and everything nice.
Xoxo mia xoxo. Oh my.
"How do I get a friend to stop texting... e-mo-jiss?"
What's "e-mo-jiss?"
"E-mole-yees?" "Emojis?"
What's wrong with emojis? They're kinda cute.
Why don't you just enjoy them and move on?
You should tell her to stop.
And if she doesn't listen, then tell her not to use it as much.
Have you spoken to your friend about why it bothers you?
Do you really need that friend?
A lot of emojis are pretty pointless and useless,
so you could just ask your friend to stop it.
Block them, man. I mean, you might have to
if they keep texting you and you really hate it.
I would literally just say,
"I'm not gonna text you if you don't stop using emojis,
because they're really annoying."
I'll just do it back to them, and they will get annoyed.
If she sends over those cute little ones,
send the worst ones you possibly can back.
Tongues out, throwing up, you know, gun to head, whatever.
Just put them in a string.
I would say to you, just be quiet and just smile like this.
Like that one emoji.
Master Wings asks...
"I am bad at partying. How do you party?"
You're asking an old person. (chuckling)
Naked. Nah, I'm just kidding.
You just want to go all out.
You just want to go balls to the wall.
If you want to learn how to party, just come on down to my place,
and we could get turnt, and I'll show you how to party.
The best way to party is just have some music going,
and pump up the jam!
You have to get into the groove,
like start tapping your feet.
♪ Party like you mean it! ♪
Don't party too hearty is all.
Just keep your, you know, cool
so you can answer questions and be attractive.
Try to not be a wallflower at parties.
Hang out by the food.
That's kind of my thing. I really like food.
Move around the crowd and talk to people.
Get to know what's happening with everybody.
Get used to interacting with more people.
Partying entails beer, drugs, and sex.
You go and you get all sorts of chemical alteration,
and then you let loose.
Look up an LMFAO video.
I don't know. I don't know how to party.
I like the parties where I sit in my bed and watch Netflix.
That's my kind of party.
Trolling 500 wants to know...
"How do I fulfill my dream to be a WWE superstar?"
That's wrestling, right?
Try to be on your school's wrestling team,
and just practice all the time.
I think the outfit defines the star, don't you?
Brand yourself. WWE superstar branding.
What you need is, one, a cool wrestling name
and, two, underwear outside of tights.
You have to dye your hair and get a weird tattoo.
And you have to find a manager of some sort
who can teach you the ropes.
You should be healthy.
Drink a lot of water, vegetables, fruits, no soda.
Train, train, train. Make sure you eat plenty of carbs.
You have to be really, really, really strong to be a wrestler.
You got to look mean.
That's my mean face.
I'll kill you with kindness.
Sarah Milletics.
"How do I make my roommate do her share of the cleaning?"
Oh, boy.
Tell her if she doesn't do her share, she has to move out.
Don't do your share of the cleaning
and let the place get disgusting,
and then she'll want to do her share of the cleaning.
Whenever your roommate doesn't clean something up,
just take whatever she didn't clean up
and just put it on her bed.
And just leave her a nice surprise.
Maybe you could have, like, a reward, like a dog or something.
By offering a reward at the end.
Say, "Hey, I'll cook dinner if you clean up your room."
Might be one way of doing it.
Tell her to put on some music and start cleaning,
because then it comes into a dance/cleaning party
and you can dance while you clean. It's fun.
Sit down and divide up responsibilities
and talk about expectations.
Put up a whiteboard with a chores list
so that way you guys know what chores to do during the week.
You just got to lay down the law.
Say, "You have to do the cleaning.
We're sharing this room.
I am responsible for my side. You're responsible for your side."
Be a cop.
So be like, "Hey, you. I'm a cop.
Do my chores now, or else I will get my gun out."
She's like, (gasping) "Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay."
She will be afraid, 'cause she doesn't want to die with a shot.
But if then if I did shot her,
everybody else would be like, "Hey, why'd you shot her?"
And I'd be like, "Pew! Pew! Pew! Pew! Pew! Pew!"
I'm shooting at you. "Pew."
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Bye!
See you guys later. I'm gonna go party!
Hey, I need an order of 29 balloons,
a few streamers, and something else.